How do you avoid taking sides?

@indexer (4852)
Leicester, England
December 17, 2018 4:34am CST
A very good friend of ours recently had a blazing row at the local bus stop. On the other side was a man we also know well, he being a close neighbour whom we often see walking round the village. Our friend was incensed by the racist and sexist views expressed by the neighbor, and told him so in no uncertain terms - she was still furiously angry when she told us about it not long afterwards. This morning - which is several weeks later - I met the neighbour in the street and he said that he would like to talk to me about the terrible and "obscene" insults he had received at the bus stop. No names were mentioned, but there can be doubt about who he is referring to. The thing is that the neighbor (Alan) knows that we are friendly with Gwyn. So maybe he wants me to take his side and pass on his complaints to her. I have absolutely no intention of acting as his mouthpiece, and neither do I want to be seen as agreeing with his utterly despicable opinions! On the other hand, I do not want to be on bad terms with a near neighbor of very long standing whom I see almost every day and who is perfectly pleasant to me when we meet - we have had some very interesting conversations on other matters over the years. OK - so he has not actually told me what he wants me to say or do, but if my suspicions are true, this could be a very awkward situation on the brew. How should I play this?
3 people like this
3 responses
@Daelii (5619)
• United States
17 Dec 18
If I understand this: person 1 who is a friend was loud with person 2 who is a racist neighbor ? And now person 2 wants you to say something to person 1? If it was me, I'd tell both of them "off" in a polite manor. Person 1: I enjoy your friendship/ aquantice a lot and I value our shared views against racism and sexism. However, I don't exactly agree with the delivering of the message. Because for me personally ( not sure about you john) it seems racist people don't change because they are yelled at. Usually it seems healthy, honest moments happen that makes them question and reevaluate their beliefs. Person 2: I love you as a friend/neighbor and the great thing about being friends is we are individuals capable of different thoughts. Both people: we see each other around town, at the bus, isn't it better if we can all get along or at least you keep me out of it? There is already enough hate in the world, why add more or ask me to?
1 person likes this
@indexer (4852)
• Leicester, England
17 Dec 18
Yes, that all makes sense to me. I would like to hope that both parties will be able to let this go and get on with their lives on entirely parallel courses. To quote an old phrase: least said, soonest mended!
1 person likes this
@Daelii (5619)
• United States
17 Dec 18
@indexer I love that saying
@Fleura (34927)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 18
Oh dear they have put you in a very awkward situation. Definitely try not to get dragged in if you possibly can! He hasn't actually asked you to say anything, so that's fine. You can sympathise with him over the insults and just try to carry on as before as much as possible. Incidentally did your friend insult him in a terrible and obscene way? Taking issue with someone's views is one thing, but heaping obsenities on them just lowers the protagonist to the same level. If so I wouldn't sympathise with her either!
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
17 Dec 18
You should play it the way you want to..It's your individual decision