Why I couldn't sleep last night....
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
Perth, Australia
April 18, 2019 7:41am CST
I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. Fell asleep around 5am. I'm very tired but not ready to settle down to sleep just yet.
I have spoken about this here and there that I was in an abusive relationship. Anyway long story short, even though we broke up like 5? 6? years ago, I still fear that he will come hurt me. Not all threats he gave me were empty threats so when he threatened to kill me ( which was often ) I believed him. And I still fear this today. Every loud bang I hear I think it's him coming in the house. Anyone who walks up close behind me scares me thinking it's him. Part of me thinks he wouldn't come as it's been a long time but that chapter hasn't had any positive closure for me yet. I don't know what to do to stop worrying, being triggered or having nightmares about him.
Anyway sometime last year my brother told me he saw Aidan ( the monster ) down at the shopping centre. I told him to please not tell me if he ever sees Aidan because it stresses me out. That I already have nightmares about him like 4 times a week so I don't want to know that he was near a suburb close to mine.
Last night my brother went to the shops that is in our suburb and is about a 5 minute drive from my house. He rang me to ask a question about what brand of chicken my dad wanted. I told him and then he says "Do you know who I just saw?" I said I didn't know. Then he says "Aidan and his mum." My heart sank and mind started racing as to why he was in this suburb. Then I felt angry and said "I DON'T need to know this!" And I hung up the phone.
I was angry because I already told my brother I didn't want to know. Like does he not understand it triggers me? Doesn't he realise I am scared of him? Far out!
Anyway I had trouble sleeping and when I did sleep, had some nightmares. I'd wake up and keep checking that everything was ok in the house.
So....ya. Well done bro!
9 people like this
8 responses
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
18 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13
Dani, I am so so sorry. I wonder why your brother does not understand how you feel and reminds you when he sees him. Do you have someone you can talk to about this. Maybe there is a therapist or someone close to you that will listen to you and help you work through so hopefully the nightmares will go away. I would be frightened to. Does he live by you that your brother keeps seeing him?
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@Hannihar Thank you Hanni. I don't know why but it's irritating to have to keep reminding family members of certain things! And things you'd think is common sense. It drives me insane.
I am seeing a psychologist and have been for I think 2-3 years. But not much progress with the whole Aidan thing really. Been touching base on other things.
Aidan used to live about 3 suburbs away from me but last I heard he moved even further away so it worries me when I know he is close to mine. Makes me wonder why he is around.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
18 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13
Maybe since you have nightmares you should concentrate on him so they can go away. It takes time. What is important is that the person that is helping you cares about you and is helping you. I wonder why your brother keeps running into him or maybe he is doing it on purpose. You are so welcome. I wish you were here and I would give you a big hug and let you cry on my shoulder. I am so so sorry about all you are feeling and going through.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@Hannihar I think you are right about that. I have been putting it off to be honest because the subject makes me uncomfortable when going into full detail but I know it's something I need to do for my mental health.
Your last comment about hugging me made me tear up. Not in a bad way! Just because it was very sweet of you to say. Thank you!
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@wanghui (894)
• China
18 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 don't think about him,go to bed and have a good sleep~~
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@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@wanghui Will definitely try not too. Just MyLotting with TV on so apart from this, he isn't really on my mind right now. Thank you kindly for reading. 
1 person likes this
@kareng (80243)
• United States
18 Apr 19
I'm sorry your brother "doesn't get it." That has to be very frustrating to you. Maybe someone else could have a talk with him and he will understand better? Maybe your father, or one of his close friends?
I hope you get a good night's sleep tonight
1 person likes this
@kareng (80243)
• United States
19 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 I think your last sentence tells it all.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@kareng Thank you for reading. It's a bit hard with my brother because he is unfortunately someone who you have a talk to and he will "understand" but will go back to the way it was eventually. So kinda doesn't matter who talks to him really. Though in saying that, I seem to be last on my brother's list of who to take seriously. In fact for some reason I am not exactly taken seriously by most my family members. Some of my families don't even try to listen to me or understand me in regards to the whole Aidan thing. They give me that "it's all my fault" kinda vibe. My fault I was getting mentally and physically abused. But I guess they don't understand since they haven't been in one.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
18 Apr 19
Oh man I’m sorry! I have trouble sleeping some nights as well. Bad memory.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
18 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 yes it can be. A lot of turns it’s just the kids waking up, some times just body aches with age and some times just bad dreams. Thankfully they don’t all happen on the same nights and not every night.
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@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@ShyBear88 All good. Thank you. And sorry you suffer with trouble sleeping sometimes! It can sure be frustrating at times! 
And sorry you suffer with trouble sleeping sometimes! It can sure be frustrating at times! 1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@ShyBear88 I'm glad it doesn't all happen often but sorry it does happen sometimes. I can relate and truly sympathise with the bad dreams you have. Not that I know what you dream but I hate them so much in general.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
19 Apr 19
I was already expecting the post to end like this when I started reading it. I KNEW he (brother) was going to do something like that. Idiot! I was literally thinking, "Don't do it". Then "Here we go." 
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
19 Apr 19
@Daljinder Yeah he totally went there. 
I honestly don't believe it's because he was trying to be mean! It's just that he doesn't get it. And it gets to me that he doesn't get it. And funny enough again, he is part of the main 3 people in this family he do not understand this. They don't have to understand it but I'd be more ok with that if they couldn't at least be more supportive in regards to what i went through.
I get a lot of "You should have done this" or "Well you stayed with him" kinda talks. As if I asked for it.
I honestly don't believe it's because he was trying to be mean! It's just that he doesn't get it. And it gets to me that he doesn't get it. And funny enough again, he is part of the main 3 people in this family he do not understand this. They don't have to understand it but I'd be more ok with that if they couldn't at least be more supportive in regards to what i went through.
I get a lot of "You should have done this" or "Well you stayed with him" kinda talks. As if I asked for it. 1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
19 Apr 19
@Daljinder I love ( bit of sarcasm here as well as actually being thankful ) that outsiders of this family can understand me and what I was going through. Something is very wrong with my family when I have to see a stranger ( Pam ) to get support of the things I went through.
You're right. It was just the perfect pattern for me to take since technically I had an abusive childhood. And not to mention I was terrified of leaving that prick because he was threatening me and also threatened my family if I was to tell on him.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23193)
• Bangalore, India
19 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 You were in a deep depression. You were not of the right mind to make the right decisions considering that individual in your life. The abuse was cherry on the cake for everything that was messed up. It is absurd to think and believe that you could have done better. You couldn't have. You WEREN'T capable of it mentally.
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@erictsuma (9725)
• Mombasa, Kenya
18 Apr 19
You have to pray first before you to sleep
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@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@erictsuma Thank you for the advice. But I'm not religious so praying isn't something I do.
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@louievill (28846)
• Philippines
18 Apr 19
In a way I think your brother is your eyes and ears to warn you if the monster is within the vicinity, I could understand how it upsets you but on the bright side you can use it to your advanrage to be better prepared. This guy still threatening you?
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@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
18 Apr 19
@louievill I had a feeling someone would say that and that could be true but unfortunately I don't really feel that. I know my brother cares for me but it doesn't always....treat me with respect and takes me for granted so not sure if he was looking out for me or just telling me about something he saw because it relates to me.
He isn't still threatening me no but last year I bumped into him. He was standing in my street waiting for me. And it was ok....but judging from some messages, I think he is trying to weasel back into my life as well as still having this type of attitude that he had when I was around him back in the day. Like a "not taking no for an answer" type of attitude.
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