One Room

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Can anyone imagine what it’s like to live in one room for all of their lives and never feel like they have their own space? I do. The only only time I felt I had any space of my own was when we lived on a farm. My “own” space was a small loft above the cow barn on our property. We didn’t own it but we took care of the cows there as they were my dad’s boss’s cows. I was in charge of feeding them and making sure they had water so I was allowed in the barn whenever I wanted while others were not. The loft became a fantasy world to me and I had many pets, including several squirrels. I would collect walnuts for them and put them in the loft. That was back when I was 10, maybe a little younger. Now that I am 33, I do not have space of my own. Since I took responsibility of KK at such an early age of 16, I’ve made a series of choices. Some good, some bad. The bad ones have left me unable to get a place of my own unless I were to work 2 or more jobs. As of right now, I have one part time job. Its only 20 hours a week but it’s something. I would apply to work at a few places in my town but I have several responsibilities that prevent me from being free like taking my uncle to and from work along with other things. But all that is about to change . . . . 14 months from now, I WILL have my own space for me and KK. It has been finalized that we WILL be moving into my sister’s garage and we now have 14 months to get it finished. I even have several people willing to donate their time. One of them is my dad. :) Another person besides me, KK, my sister and her bf that is really excited about it my younger nephew. He looks at me moving in there as a refuge for when he and his mom butt heads then he can just come to “my place”. I haven’t informed Dave or my uncle about any of this due to the fact that I do not want to get kicked out and have no where to go before the garage is ready. There are moments where we do feel bad because if me and KK leave, my uncle may not want to stay here either so that will leave Dave alone but the environment here is not good. It’s very toxic. Dave will say and do things to upset KK because he thinks it’s funny. The other day, Dave told KK that since she is 18 then she doesnt need to have anymore birthday parties. He said that now she’s 18, her birthdays are just another day and don’t need to be celebrated. Also, we planned on taking KK to her favorite restaurant, Applebees, for her birthday tonight but he told her that he’s spent enough money on her and would not be taking her out for her birthday dinner because he had “errands.” We know what his errands are. 2 to 3 times a week he goes on a Beer Run where he buys 2x 30 pack of beer. 1 30pk of beer maybe lasts him 2 days, maybe 2.5 days at most. Living with an alcoholic is horrible. Living with one that is bipolar and quite possibly started to have dementia due to drinking so much, is HELL. This is not the environment I want KK to be raised in so yes, we will be leaving this place in 14 months and yes, it is going to be hard because not only am I a co-owner on the car with Dave, I am also on his bank account. So, about 6 months before we are ready to totally move, I will have to tell Dave of our plans and tell him that I want to be taken off the car and reimbursed for most if not all of the money I have paid into the car and to have him take me off of his bank account. I don’t know exactly how it works but I don’t want him to overdraft his account and the bank take it out of mine. In 14 months, I will have my own space again. It’s scared yet exciting at the same time.