How to deal with teenagers
@Zelmarq (12607)
Cebu City, Philippines
June 19, 2019 7:18am CST
Im just a step mom and Im really having hard time disciplining my 16 year old step son. Im holding back, but I dont like the way he is behaving not respecting elders in the house and yelling and shouting. Bringing friends in the house late in the evening and once I caught them vaping inside his room, and ended up me getting angry that I confiscated the vape stuff and scolded each one with an angry and big voice.
Can you help me and give me advice on this matter.
Im hopeful.
Im glad I have mylot family.
6 people like this
6 responses
@Juliaacv (56354)
• Canada
19 Jun 19
That is a really tricky age.
But you need to be firm, and be fair and keep the channels of communication open.
I would be having a family discussion regarding house rules, having so many into his room at late hours, with the door closed, can lead to no good. If you all sit down and clear the air maybe he will have a better understanding of why rules are what they are, and what is expected of him now and in the future.
2 people like this
@owlwings (43897)
• Cambridge, England
19 Jun 19
16 is a very difficult age. He, no doubt, thinks of himself as an 'adult' and therefore able to make (or choose) his own 'rules' (because that's what adults do, isn't it?). Also, he may see you as an 'interloper' and not his real parent, depending on how old he was when you became his step-parent. A lot also depends on what kind of relationship you have with his father and whether he supports you or is taking a back-step role.
Really, you need to work on becoming his friend rather than his disciplinarian. Try to treat him as an adult (even though he is not quite) and as an equal. Also you must get his father to try to do the same. You cannot demand respect from a 16 year old. You have to earn it!
2 people like this
@owlwings (43897)
• Cambridge, England
19 Jun 19
@Zelmarq You are certainly not a villain! I'm sure that you have his best interests at heart and perhaps he knows that, deep down! You were a teenager once and maybe you didn't yell and show disrespect but I bet that you felt it, sometimes.
Your household has to have rules, of course, but make sure that they are logical and reasonable. I'm willing to bet that he cares very much about some things, even though he may claim not to. If he can see that your 'rules' relate to and affect the things he really cares about and aren't just arbitrary, he'll be much more liable to accept them.
1 person likes this
@Zelmarq (12607)
• Cebu City, Philippines
22 Jun 19
@owlwings AS of now he is concerned in pleasing friends and goes overboard because even if its already late in the evening, we already set the rules about it and I hope he will follow. I didnt like the way he answered back to his auntie while we were away. Its difficult also living with relatives at home, I didnt really know the real version but I heard the version of the auntie, was not able to hear the version of the step son. When we came home the next day; he still sounds angry and bossy and tend to be bossy over the father, so i stepped in and reprimanded him not to treat his father like that.
1 person likes this
@Zelmarq (12607)
• Cebu City, Philippines
19 Jun 19
The dad is so passive also busy with online job.
@Nakitakona (59987)
• Philippines
19 Jun 19
It's difficult to raise a step son or daughter unless you've in good terms before. But it's never too late. Go for a date with him. Bring him to his fave hangout. Befriend with his clique or group. Once you get his trust and confidence, you may not be having headaches. It's a bit difficult but it's possible.
2 people like this
