I was always smarter than I thought I was/don't give up/it only takes one person

Tweet

Growing up I had a really difficult time in school. I had fine motor delays which now knowing what my son is going through and seeing it I'm fairly positive I had sensory processing disorder too but a less severe form it just wasn't something they really diagnosed back then. I had a difficult time with writing and it made learning harder because it took so much just for me to write that it made me slower in other areas too. They shoved me in a slow learners class so I thought I was dumb. I thought I was in there because I just didn't understand things the way "normal" kids my age did. It took me many years to realize I wasn't actually slow. They shoved me in that class because that's how they handled those situations then. Now they don't do that unless you have something more severe that you can't physically be in a regular class to learn. I was in my regular classes for everything but math and reading. Those classes made things worse for me because they were teaching me at the pace of someone with worse issues than I had and I was behind regular kids my age because of this. Then they shoved me in regular reading in 4th grade and it was too much for me because I wasn't used to that pace. They ended up placing me in 5th grade which meant they could pull me back to 4th grade if I needed it. I ended up doing really well in 5th grade but struggled some in 6th grade. My 6th-grade teacher was nice but he always doubted me. I struggled with certain things and I remember finally getting something and the kid beside me happened to use the same thing I did and I don't know if it was a coincidence or if he copied me but I was the one who was told to keep my eyes on my own paper. How stupid did he think I was? Why would I cheat with him standing right there? I wouldn't cheat anyway but I remember how big of a blow to my confidence that was. He also once accused me of forging my dad's signature I told him to call my dad he didn't do it but reluctantly took it. My dad has bad handwriting too. I was really offended that I was accused of something like that because it went against everything I believed in. I always felt like he didn't think I'd succeed. I hated English and Math because I always felt so stupid. Then in 7th grade I met a teacher that made me finally understand things I hadn't until that point. She believed in me and it made a huge difference. From that point on I no longer had the issues I had in elementary school at least not in English. I had issues with math until 9th grade when another amazing teacher worked with me one on one and I realized I wasn't dumb I just had a difficult time focusing. I went through some more issues in 10th grade because I was having issues with people who I thought were friends and I was dealing with a bunch of other stuff and my grades dropped a bit. I then went to a vocational school where I took Early Childhood Education and I excelled. I did really well those two years and even got a plaque for outstanding student in my program. I was a straight-A student. The best part of it all is that 6th-grade teacher who didn't have faith in my abilities was there to see it. His daughter was in my grade and was doing a different program through the same school so he was in the audience. I know he wasn't shocked to see I had a perfect attendance record because I had one in his class too. My 6th-grade year and my senior year are the only two years I had perfect attendance I only missed one day my 10th-grade year. I missed about 7 days my junior year after I messed up my foot. Regardless I was never one to miss school even though I hated it most of the time because I hated getting behind. I just remember staring down at him as they handed me my plaque. I didn't know I'd be receiving it. I knew they were handing one out but I didn't know they would choose me. They made a big deal about how this went to someone who excelled academically as well as in their program. Each program picked one student to give a plaque to and I was the person they chose for mine. They called my name and I was partially in shock but I made sure to give him a smug smile. I wanted to be like "See? I'm not an idiot" Maybe he didn't feel that way about me I really don't know I just know when he accused me of cheating it was a hit to my self-esteem. I felt like he thought I was too dumb to ever understand the concept. I had never cheated and he made me feel like one of the few things I was confident in my character was in question. When had I ever cheated? I was the kid who would constantly get wrong answers because I wouldn't cheat so why would I resort to cheating now? This was towards the end of the school year it wouldn't have done me any good anyway. Knowing that he got to see me get an award for academics made my day. I don't hate the guy I never have. He was nice enough most of the time but I felt like he never had any faith in me. He made me feel like I wasn't capable of more. I felt like he gave up on me. I understand teachers have a hard job and I understand they'll make mistakes but I went to a tiny school with one class for each grade. He knew us all very well. He knew I had my struggles but he also knew I had never cheated or blatantly tried to do anything remotely bad. I was a quiet kid who was struggling because I felt stupid. If he had even given me a hint that he thought I was capable of more I might have done better but the second something clicked I was made to feel like a cheater and that always stuck with me. The kid he claimed I cheated off of was always getting in trouble so I don't even understand why he blamed me. He just assumed I was incapable of doing well. I do remember that look of recognition when they called me up to receive my award and I remember he seemed a little shocked. I just wanted to say "Maybe if you would have believed in me and tried a little harder I would have reached this spot sooner but I did it without you." All I can say is don't be quick to judge people and don't be quick to judge yourself. I wasn't an idiot I struggled because I felt like one and once you believe that it's hard to come back from it. It only takes one person to believe in you to help give you confidence. I am by no means the smartest person but I definitely am smarter than I always thought I was growing up. It only took a few people who believed in me to make me realize I was capable of more. I wish I could have done more in my life to really let them know their hard work paid off but at least I graduated and became the student some teachers never thought I'd be.