Fake Smiles, Fake Emotions and Fake People

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Currently, I live in a house where I constantly have to pretend that I am happy or that a certain person, Dave, doesn’t irritate me. I don’t even talk to him unless I have to and I spend all of my time in my room when I am home. Recently, Dave has been acting a bit bipolar and I guess one could say that it’s because of his age. He will be 75 this year. These past 10 days have been the hardest for me in the longest time. He went out and spent $100 on gardening things because a friend of mine gave me tomato plants. I didn’t ask her for the plants and didn’t know she had put them in my car until she did so I had planned on giving them to my mom who has a garden started at her apartment. However, the next thing I knew Dave had planted them then he wanted me to pay him back for the items he bought. Also within the past 10 days, there was an incident where my daughter, Kaylee, wanted to play the Wii U in the livingroom. Dave let her but within an hour of her playing, he yelled at her about playing for so long and being inconsiderate about other people wanting to use the tv in the livingroom so then she came to me and told me about it. Later that night, Dave was talking to himself and he kept saying “F**k you, Suzy. Come and yell at me. See what happens.” These last 10 days, I went to visit my mom ONE time and also went to my friends house ONCE and used the car to go to my sisters a few times because it was raining. The day I went to my friend’s house, Dave and I were not speaking so he tried to find out from Kaylee what we were doing. She told him we had errands but did not go into detail as I have told her not to do. When we got back, he called Kaylee into the livingroom and asked her “Where the f**k have we been?” I pay for half the car so I don’t have to tell him where I go at all as long as he does not need it. I have also been keeping track of how much money I pay towards the car because when we move out of here, I will be getting that money back. And I have decided that the months where he has been a complete a$$hole, that I will not pay the car payment and instead put that money aside for when we move out. Another thing that’s happened in the last 10 days is that we have been having a heat wave but the heat doesn’t affect Dave because he drinks beer from the time he gets up at 7am to the time he goes to bed at 11pm. So our house is always at 79 degrees. Occasionally, I was turning it down to 75, just enough to get the central air to kick in and cool the house down enough for us to sleep. Well, Kaylee has been doing it as well but Dave assumes that it’s me every time. So he’s been mumbling things like “Go ahead suzy and keep messing with the thermostat. I’ll just put a lock on it.” Now when Dave is mad at me, he won’t tell me what I supposedly did to make him mad which honestly, just taking my dog for a walk makes him mad because he feels we all should stay home and do nothing 24/7. Dave will mumble and say things under his breath like no one can hear him but I have very good hearing as well as Kaylee who is in the livingroom with him alot while she’s on her computer. The very last straw for me was coming home on Sunday and noticing that he had been in my room. My money banks had been moved as well as a few other things. His excuse was that he was in my room to check my vent and see about replacing the broken window which has been broken for 10 years. So, I am pushing forward with moving out and I am downsizing as much as possible. At some point, I am going to have to take Kaylee’s loft bed apart and figure out how to get that to my sisters otherwise that was $200 down the hole. Now my sister and her fiance want me and Kaylee to live in the house with them instead of making the garage into an apartment. I like the garage idea best because when we all are getting on each other’s nerves, we can go to our seperate spaces. I guess I’m just hoping that it all turns out well and it works out for the best. All I know is that I can’t live where I am for much longer. I’m depressed and irritated all the time and the last time I felt this bad, I began cutting myself which is something I don’t want to do again. I hope everyone that reads this is happy and well.