The Canterbury Tales in bite-sized chunks. Part 1

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Chaucer's Canterbury Tales take a bit of reading, even in a modern translation. However, the gist can be whittled down to only 100 words per Tale. Here is the Prologue, plus the first three tales. Prologue Farewell March, hello April. It’s Pilgrimage time! Off we go to Canterbury. This is a rum lot gathered at the Tabard in Southwark – a knight, his squire, a miller, a reeve, a whole load of religious people – most of whom are probably up to no good – and there’s a woman from Bath who’s got a few skeletons in the cupboard. I’m coming too of course - the name’s Geoffrey Chaucer. Mine Host has a thought - suppose we pass the time by telling stories as we ride to Canterbury? I’ll write them down if you like – it could be fun! Knight’s Tale Palamon and Arcite are two knights imprisoned in a tower in Athens by Theseus. Both see Lady Emily from the tower and claim “dibs”. Arcite is released and exiled but returns to Athens and gets a job in Emily’s house. Palamon later escapes, meets Arcite and they agree to duel over their claim to Emily. Theseus finds out and the duel becomes a staged pitched battle. Emily prays that the winner will be the one who loves her most. The gods Venus and Saturn get involved, such that Palamon loses but Arcite dies from a fall. Palamon therefore marries Emily. Miller’s Tale Elderly carpenter John has young wife Alison who is much fancied by lodger Nicholas (an astrologer) and neighbour Absolon. Alison fancies Nicholas. Nicholas tell John that Noah’s Flood will happen again and persuades him to spend the night in a barrel tied to the rafters. Absolon asks Alison for a midnight kiss at the window, but she sticks her bare backside out at him instead. Absolon asks for another kiss later but plans to whack her rear end with a piece of hot metal. However, this time it’s Nicholas’s backside. He shouts “Water”, John cuts his rope and crashes down. Reeve’s Tale Students John and Aleyn think that Symkyn the miller is cheating their college. They spend the night at the mill, with everyone sleeping in the same room. Aleyn slips into bed with the miller’s teenage daughter, but John moves the baby’s cradle so that the miller’s wife gets into John’s bed on returning after getting up for a pee. Aleyn also gets it wrong by getting into bed with the miller and telling him (thinking it’s John) what he has just done to his daughter. Huge fight ends when the miller’s wife mistakenly hits the miller with a big stick.