Complicated feelings about the inlaws

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First let me start by saying this is a long one so skim if you want to or don't read at all for that matter I just wanted to get this out and I don't want to break it apart because this is me writing on the fly. Most people who have read my previous posts know that my husband has some issues with his family via his biological family. There were issues in the past but he has grown unfortunately none of his family seems to believe this. He always feels like he isn't wanted and he always has. He felt it when his mother gave him up to be raised by her uncle who mentally and physically abused him and needless to say it took him forever to work through most of his issues and when the man who raised him died he was an angry teenager who went between feeling guilt, anger, and loss. He didn't act on his feelings in the best way and he took it out on others something he is not proud of but it was a long time ago but his family chooses to hold it against him even now that he is no longer the same person. That being said he still feels it. Everyone makes him feel unwanted and unloved. His mom loves him but you can tell that attachment she has with her other kids isn't there. He knows it and feels it so it's no surprise that his mom and stepdad seem to play favorites with his sisters daughter and even her great-nephews. His sister's daughter I understand more because they see her more frequently. Sometimes I am unsure if it's because of who my son is with his anxiety and other various issues or if it's because he is my husband's son. I know they love both my husband and our son but you can also tell that it's not the same as the way they are with the other kids. My son was the first young kid they really got anything to do with but we live further away but it seems like once other kids came into the picture he was sort of shoved to the side a bit. You see them bragging about the other kids repeatedly and then maybe the occasional picture or something of our son but that's about it. I don't think it's intentional but eventually, our son will notice and the second he does I am going to have to put up some more boundaries. He doesn't need to feel like he is less than the others. I already see how my husband is made to feel and I don't need my son to feel that way. My husband's siblings have nothing to do with him which is sort of sad because my son never did anything to them but I figure it's for the best. I don't need my son feeling bad for who he is. I don't want him to ever feel like he isn't as important as his cousins. He hasn't noticed this yet but I know one day he might. My husband's parents love him and do what they can for him but you can just feel there isn't that bond that should be there. Distance does play a part but I have a feeling that's not all of it. I don't even think they're aware of it. My husband will forever be the same troubled person he always was. He shouldn't have to live with his past forever despite the fact that he isn't that person anymore but he always will and I feel like it has sort of rolled over to my son who while a lot like my husband is also very different. My son is not a problem child. He has issues but he is so well behaved and polite. He is so loving and loves everyone and the second he feels like he isn't loved we will be having a talk about what he feels is best for him. I have stopped putting in effort because it has felt like we were the only ones putting in extra effort for a long time and now we are just tired. I don't really send pictures anymore because while I'm sure they are appreciated I just don't have it in me. I like my in-laws they are good people but I still feel like there is a bit of bias there. I understand them being close to my husband's sisters daughter because she is around more but I don't ever want my son to feel like he is less important than her and I hope they don't ever make him feel like that if it happens we'll be reevaluating their place in his life. Right now he is young and doesn't notice and when he is with them they're amazing with him and as long as it stays that way it won't be a problem. My husband often gets angry and while part of me doesn't blame him I think he needs to calm down and maybe see things from their side. They aren't intentionally trying to hurt him. They don't see him often and she didn't raise him and I know it's something that haunts her and she regrets to this day. I figure it all happened for a reason though, had he been raised differently I never would have met him or had our son. Things sometimes happen for a reason. As long as my son feels loved and accepted I won't have any issues but it is something I worry about. We both agreed we don't personally don't want to make any trips to see them right now. We always feel like we are in the way and we don't want to make them feel put out yet if we tried to get a hotel they'd feel hurt that we don't want to stay with them and it sort of feels like a no-win situation. My husband gets irritated that they won't tell him until the last second when they're coming if they do come because he can't take the day off but if we did that to them they'd be upset because they wouldn't get to spend time with us. We agreed there won't be any trips there until we can get a car and afford a different place to stay so we can go as we please and they won't have to feel put out even if they do feel hurt. As you can read it's sort of complicated with them. I don't think it would be had my husband been raised by his mom but there are so many conflicting emotions and the fact that none of his siblings like him. We are fairly certain his sister doesn't want our son around her daughter despite that our son has done nothing to anyone. It's just hard but we know our son is loved and has the people he needs in his life. We really do love the inlaws they are decent people who don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I just feel like there are two different sides and neither can see where the other is currently coming from. There really are two sides to every story and that's how I try to see it. As long as my son doesn't feel like he is any less loved I'll never have a problem. I really did get lucky on the inlaw front as a whole, they love our son and have never tried to take over parenting or told us we were wrong and have so far mostly followed our wishes.