September 12, 2019 10:11pm CST
Hi guys, I have not been active here but I feel very lost in my life right now, and I need somewhere I can vent that I don't have to worry about people in my life seeing it. Thank you in advance to anyone who sticks with me until the end. Last month I had to have unexpected emergency service; I had horrible pancreatitis and gall stones (which meant I had to have my gallbladder removed). I don't have health insurance - mine expired in April and I didn't renew it fast enough now I have to wait for open enrollment. I didn't qualify for assistance through AHCCCS (even though my bank account doesn't even half of my medical bill), I think the way they check eligibility makes no sense. I run an animal rescue by myself, I incorporated it at the beginning of the year and, up until now, had been going well. So far I have found homes for 10 dogs and the 2 still currently with my rescue have adoptions pending. I just go approved as a partner with our local shelter so I will be able to pull dogs directly from their kennels. Now with this medical bill that is going to more than drain my bank account, I worry that it will effect my rescue, which is basically the one thing that I'm passionate about in my life. I work with great people in a small, great company, but I'm not particularly happy with my job. It's extremely stressful; I get yelled at, cussed at, constantly having to fight on behalf of our clients (and believe me, I am not a fighter), and it's all just weighing on me. I have had so many jobs in my life but have not found what I'm meant to be doing. I love photography, and would love to do that full time, but it's so expensive! A great camera is $6,000 - $7,000, and that is just for the body, it does not include any lens or extras. A good camera is $2,000 - $5,000, and again that is just for the body. I have an 'okay' camera right now but it is about 10 years old and losing quality. Definitely not something I can make a professional career with. I also enjoy writing, but have completely lost my motivation. I had been working on a short story collection and recently came up with a great new story include. I tried to start the new story and couldn't get more than 2 lines into it, and I feel like those 2 lines suck. Pretty much the only constant companions in my life are my dogs, who I love, but it's not enough for any normal human. I've got siblings who couldn't care less about me, even feel hated by one. I don't date because I have such a low opinion of myself, despite people around me saying things that should raise me up. I think I'm just wired with self esteem issues. I just feel so lost, like not one aspect of my life is going well and it's all out of my control. What's the point anymore? How do you dig yourself out of a hole like this?
5 people like this
• United States
13 Sep 19
I've thought about it but I really don't want people in my life seeing a GoFundMe page for me, I would be embarrassed. That's one reason I came here to get it out. I'm not good at asking for or accepting help, I'm usually the one giving it.
13 Sep 19
I think you're just stressed with the current job you have and you've been really busy. Why would they hate you? maybe you need to start building that bridge again with family. Most of us got self esteem issues specially when you had a bad day often. Maybe you need to go about praying as well, it helps.
• Daytona Beach, Florida
13 Sep 19
I always look toward the Lord for help and He keeps me on the right track. I am all alone and that is every day. But I manage to keep myself busy online and do my writing. I know it's not easy but it is good that you have your rescue work. I don't have an answer for your health issues but I can say hang in there. I would be good if you could concentrate on your writing to get you in another world. Virtual hugs and I wish the best for you.