Bridesmaid Question

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So my best friend of 20+ years is getting married again and this time she's doing the whole big wedding thing. I was so happy for her because she's finally happy with the guy that she's had eyes for, for so long. The day he asked her, she hit me with, she wanted to make her cousin her maid of honor instead of me. She thought about it for a while before she told me because when she said it, the text was like two pages long. Huge explanation. That hurt. I understood but I wasn't okay with it. I'm still not really okay. Her date is next year in September so we all have time but we've been talking about different things for the wedding. When I asked her why she's not doing this with her maid of honor I got that everyone's schedule conflicts. So basically, I'm the last option because I don't work a normal 9-5 job. Yesterday though was kind of my breaking point. She went with her cousin, the other bridesmaid and her mom and step mom to go look at dresses. She found her dress and she looks absolutely beautiful. However, what actually got me was when she picked out the bridesmaids dresses. I came up with the idea that she put the maid of honor in one color and the other two bridesmaids in a different color. She did that. Which made it final that her cousin was going to be maid of honor. We had also talked about the dress not being above the knee because for me and she said her cousin as well, I'm very uncomfortable in short dresses. The dress she picked out is above the knee. Come to find out that the decision is so final, that they already bought the dresses. I told her I could have gone to the David's Bridal here if she gave me the time and date but all she ever gave me was the date. She didn't wait for me to try on the dress to make the decision, I go on the 9th by the way. Everything combined and I just feel like I'm an after thought. Like the only reason I'm in the wedding at all is just because of the years we've known each other. She got home last night after the dresses and started asking me about the wedding flowers, what she'd hold and I just wasn't into it. I'm growing lavender for her next year so she'll have fresh lavender for the table decoration mason jars. Those that have had a big wedding, am I wrong to feel this way? I haven't said anything to her because it's her day and I'm not trying to make it about me but in the same aspect I can't help but feel hurt. My mom and husband want me to say something but I don't feel like it would do any good. Everything she's done so far is basically set in stone. I'm just lost right now.