My friend is coming over for coffee!
By Colene
@cpefley (1941)
San Jose, California
December 1, 2019 3:35am CST
I have been cleaning all night (I really can't do anything when my daughter is awake) and I'm so excited that my friend is coming over for coffee this morning. With all of the stuff I want to get off my chest about getting divorced, I could use a friendly ear. I talked to my mom a bit today, but she's not really the best at listening or giving advice. I told her that I am cutting him off. If he doesn't want to contribute to the household we live in, then I shouldn't have to do anything for him. This isn't why we are getting divorced, btw, but if we are getting divorced and he's not contributing financially or helping around the house, then I shouldn't have to cook for him, do his laundry, pick up after him, etc. He made the decision to unwanted, undesirable, and unloved, so I don't have to do the things that I do that make him feel that way.
Anyway, I'm happy that my friend is coming over because she knows how awful my husband can be, and what he has done to my family. Once I was so scared that I called the police, and they told him to grow up. He's actually been told that multiple times by police officers, and he still doesn't get it. His immaturity is ruining our marriage. He's 10 years younger than I am, but when I was his age I had 4 kids, 2 jobs, and I don't remember ever thinking of myself. My kids have always come first.
Which reminds me of something sort of funny. He told me, before he yelled at me, that his brothers were going to buy him a Nintendo Switch for Christmas and he was so excited. He's like a child. He doesn't worry about the kids and how we are going to get them presents. That's my job. I don't get things for Christmas. I don't care. I know he won't get them anything for Christmas. He never does. He never gets anyone anything for Christmas. I think that he just isn't ready to grow up yet. I thought our daughter would change that, and it did, a little, but not much. He still would rather play 15 hours of Fortnite than spend time with his family or help with the housework. I feel so stupid. Like I know I should have seen this coming...
Thanks for letting me vent. I think writing it down keeps me from exploding. I don't want my children to see me angry or sad. I'm glad that I can vent here and to at least one friend. One of my other best friends is in Hawaii right now, and I'm definitely not burdening her while she's on holiday!
2 people like this
4 responses
@Alexandoy (65302)
• Cainta, Philippines
1 Dec 19
That may be the risk of marrying a younger guy. He is so irresponsible and probably spoiled by you.
1 person likes this
@Alexandoy (65302)
• Cainta, Philippines
1 Dec 19
@cpefley I'm sorry to hear such domestic problems that seem to have no solution.
1 person likes this
@cpefley (1941)
• San Jose, California
2 Dec 19
@Alexandoy There is always a solution, even if it is a difficult one.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
2 Dec 19
I've been divorced since 2011. My ex husband was controlling, and it was a breath of fresh air when we were separated. Of course, I had the problem of still having feelings for him and I let him be a part of my life after that for far too long.
I'm sorry you are having such problems but I do agree that you shouldn't do anything for him anymore. You guys are getting divorced, even if you choose to still live together, he has to wake up and do his part of the chores and pay his part of the bills.
Though I do wonder by what you've described if perhaps he has some form of undiagnosed autism or something like it.
1 person likes this
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
2 Dec 19
@cpefley Oh okay, I have known one or two people with autism and even dated one, but those I knew were very high functioning.
I'm sorry about your dream. Even to this day I still dream about the ex husband. Sometimes when I am in a relationship with another guy and have a dream, the dream puts the face of my ex husband in the mix instead of the current boyfriend.
Yes, it's a horrible feeling knowing that sometimes we are like a learning curve for guys. I've had that happen to me before, finding out later that the guy was much happier / better with the next girl.
@cpefley (1941)
• San Jose, California
2 Dec 19
Definitely not autism. I have 2 sons with autism and my husband's problem is trauma from childhood. He won't go to therapy, and when he does change, it doesn't last. I had a horrible dream last night that he was cheating on me and I was begging him to stop and not leave me (something I would NEVER do in real life lol) and when I woke up, I realized that I did still love him, and it made me feel sad. I can't change my mind because of a dream though. He won't change for me. He probably will for the next girl, which is all the more irritating, but I've been through that before. It's like a wake up call when you finally leave them. :(
I'm sorry about your divorce, but very glad that you are much happier now :)
@arunima25 (93194)
• Bangalore, India
1 Dec 19
You are going through a tough phase. Good that you have a friend who is there to listen to you and support you. Take care Dear.
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (93194)
• Bangalore, India
2 Dec 19
@cpefley It's a blessing to have such a friend who is there with you through thick and thin of life. I am sure you must be feeling good after having a chat with her.
@Butterfingers (66603)
• India
1 Dec 19
I hope u can get the required advice from ur friend
1 person likes this
