Bullied Shelf Elf Kills Self
By Four Walls
@FourWalls (86875)
United States
December 2, 2019 7:28pm CST
BREAKING NEWS
The Elf on the Shelf, tormented by years of bullying, committed suicide today by jumping from the shelf into a nearby Christmas tree.
Police spokesman I.P. Frehley said that the elf, Gripz Keebler, was found this morning by Gladys Kravitz, a nosy neighbor who stopped by to check on things that weren’t her business.
A suicide note was found, indicating that Keebler was despondent by all the “elf on a shelf” jokes on social media.
This is the second tragedy in recent years. In 2017, a disgruntled and intoxicated Rudolph shot two reindeer while yelling, “Where are your [expletive] reindeer games now?”
Keebler was 14.
9 people like this
8 responses
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
3 Dec 19
Oh elf in the tree
oh elf in the tree
how splendid are your stockings!
:-) (sung to old Tannenbaum)!
2 people like this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
3 Dec 19
@FourWalls
oh elf from the shelf
and now in the tree
how humble your socks maybe
whatever could cause you to leap
must have a price to steep
elf in the tree
oh elf in the tree
i think you took my car keys
1 person likes this
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
3 Dec 19
I thought Gladys Kravitz had been long thrown to a lunatic asylum. She peeped on her neighbor´s house and managed to make believe many people that a darling and submissive housewife was actually a witch.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86875)
• United States
3 Dec 19
Poor Abner ended up in the asylum, he couldn’t take being married to her anymore! 
1 person likes this
@marguicha (230365)
• Chile
3 Dec 19
@FourWalls I don´t get how he got married to her. But then, I never understood how Samantha married her husband.
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86875)
• United States
3 Dec 19
@marguicha — they say love is blind. In that case I guess it was pretty stupid, too.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
3 Dec 19
So now there's an opening at the cookie factory?
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86875)
• United States
3 Dec 19
Lori’s already applied for the job. I have a feeling she’ll be fired for eating on the job, though.....
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86875)
• United States
3 Dec 19
@JohnRoberts — I’m not worried about a working hand as much as her mouth. Kentuckians are infamous for knowing how to get at the food somehow.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (109841)
• Los Angeles, California
3 Dec 19
@FourWalls She only has one working hand!
1 person likes this
