My rescued kittens don't exist anymore

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Everyone here told me to find new homes for 2 kittens. I think this is a huge mistake. Last year I donated two kittens. I found them new homes. And now they don't exist anymore. I am very sad. Firstly, I rescued a kitten. She was abandoned last year when she was 2 weeks old. I took her to my home and I had to feed her every 3 hours. My effort was in vain. I asked for pictures now and the woman who took her told me that the cat disappeared. I am sure she was eaten by wild animals because she lived near a forest. And the other kitten also disappeared and I don't know where she is.It's the one in the picture. This kitten had her mother here and she lived in the basement. It was winter and I decided to find a new home for her. I gave the kitten to a teenager. The kitten was an indoor kitten. And she also disappeared for good. I don't receive pictures or anything. That teenager doesn't answer anymore and she always sent me pictures. I am so angry because my parents don't allow me to have 2 cats in my home. The rescued kitten made me feel much better. I have an anxiety disorder and that kitten helped me very much. I decided to not give any cats to anyone from now on. I am very sad. I thought they will have a good and long life. I was wrong. They only lived for one year. Few people really love animals and take care of them. I have an indoor cat who is 7 years old. I don't know how I will overcome this anger and sadness. It's a mistake to give animals to strangers. I feel so guilty now. Maybe they were alive if they were here. I found another owners for a sick kitten, but that woman refused to take the kitten to the vet if he would be sick. And she didn't want to buy meds for that kitten if the kitten really needed them.