A Very Memorable Day

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2019 is a very painful one for me. I never thought I could meet someone and fall head over heels, sadly my feelings was not reciprocated and that he will never know that I did fall for him. I cried every night, the feeling is too strong the same way that reality strongly shown me that it is impossible for me to be loved by him. The age gap, our interest is totally different, he never cared about me the way he cared to lots of beautiful and sexy women around him, he never pursue me just like what he did to others. So I guess its enough for me to know that he is not in to me. Irony? God answered differently, or maybe I am just discerning it incorrectly. Anyway, I know that God is teaching me something, and that's to surrender all my worries to Him, to fully trust Him everyday specially in storm, I never cried, feeling that I am about to lose someone, I never thought I could feel such terrible fear that I might spend my whole life without that person in my life forever... You know what saved me? God's promises. He never promise me that He will give me that man, but He just assured me that He will reveal the one at the right time, that He is God and nothing can hold me in vain. He reminds me that He is God and rest all my worries and just wait for His timing. Its almost a year, on February, since I start crying for that person. But God give me a clear mindset, that no one can take away the people and things that He gave me. And if that person pursue a different woman, then it only means its not him, and that my tears are insignificant, coz I am crying for the wrong person and logically - - - I shouldn't, he is not for me, crystal clear. Though I am saying all about this things as if I am so tough and brave as if I can let go, but just like the others I am weak and crash in the inside, but God never leave me. I am on my journey to fully let go, but I always tells God everyday, everymorning, that I love that person so much, but Let His will be done not mine. This whole painful one sided love experience taught me how to truly depend on God, that in every battle He is always at the front row keeping me safe at His back. Without knowing and trusting God, I might fall to depression, but He is so faithful He never let go of me specially when I asked Him too. I hope somehow you learn something from my story. God bless. The pain is still here, I still have panic attack when I hear he was being teased to other women, I still feel the fear that I might lose him forever coz he will finally meet the woman he was looking for... But that's it...if he keep on searching after I pop up in his life, its clear, that hebis not the one... But I do love him, so I pray for his heart to be happy forever with the right woman that God created for him. I guess God heard my prayer and He let me have a moment with that person and enjoy beinv with him not in a romantic way, but still God give me that chance. So I guess this is it. God bless.