I'm Queen Of This Mountain!

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I don't discuss politics with anyone, never. Same with religion, lifestyle. Why? I simply ... don't care to know what anyone thinks UNLESS they can talk about it in a good, quiet, calm, constructive way. I simply don't have the desire to sit, talk with anyone about any of these subjects, period. I'm interested ... in a very private way. Why? Because then ... I can hear every word they say ... think about it, decide if I need, want to change any of my way of thinking about things. If I can't hear someone ... I don't know what they said ... if they are 'showing their ___' then ... I'm not going to pay attention anyway. I will turn away in disgust but, all they will see is respect ... not the disgust in my mind for how they are conducting themselves. Name-calling ... I don't know about you but, when I was younger I could name-call with the best of them. Remember ... I told you about the dysfunctional family I grew up in ... they ... did every bad thing ... good. When they set out to destroy another person ... they always did it ... too good. They went overboard 'so the enemy couldn't get back up, come after them in the future'. Oh my, did I learn that only too good. Thank God years ago when I began to get away from them ... I learned that wasn't how I really felt at all. I didn't want to hurt, destroy others ... I'm not even like that. The only time I would ... do such ... is like you would ... if someone or something ... threatened my loved ones, or helpless people, children, animals. I never want to set my mind to 'go after' something ... because my sole intent when I do is ... to win. This is only good when someone bad or something bad happens ... and I am a part of it to help ... save. I care about the underdog, I care about the weak, elderly, children, animals. I would ... physically fight for them. I truly think there are more people like this than there aren't. Love, protecting ... we never want to hurt anyone ... only if we have to save ourselves or others. I'm not an expert here so, however you take my words ... know they are in the 'good' way. I don't advocate hurting another living being. I only say how I feel. Anyway, getting back to my dysfunctional family, they were all I had and I loved them with my very Heart. I was just different from them ... I never wanted to hurt, take advantage of others. I've gone without necessary things to live because I didn't want to take from others. I've suffered in my life before asking from others. On the other hand I am always sensing people around me and if I see, feel I could do something to make even the tiniest good difference in their life ... I will. Now back to name-calling. Back to those days ... I can see where name-calling only incensed others ... made situations so much more worse than they should have been. Guess what? That was the sole intention of name-calling ... it meant for someone to come on out to ... fight. It was a very bold ... invitation ... if you didn't ... you were ... 'a chicken'. No one wanted to be ... 'a chicken'. My beloved, dysfunctional family dearly loved to ... physically fight, raise Hell. They were so bad, mean ... yet could turn around be the nicest people in the world. That's how they fooled people, lured people to get what they wanted. Name-calling, oh my ... that was deliberately throwing the wood on a fire ... the more name-calling the brighter that fire would burn until ... in my life 'back then' ... 'all Hell would break out'. The names called served as a weapon in a verbal form to provoke a fight. I can still see the glints of satisfaction in their eyes as they did exactly what they meant. The fight was on! Sadly ... some people would think differently ... all my family are dead, gone now. It saddens me deeply, they were all I had ... that were mine in this world. Oh, how they loved to fight! And ........... guess what? I grew up in a family of mostly ... women! They were beautiful ... everyone always said the women in my family were beautiful. Women were jealous, men lusted after them. They were firey ... they were tough yet ... just as feminine as the next female. That's where they could surprise their opponents. No one thinks of a beautiful, little lady ... being tough. Everything was about ... 'being king of the hill' ... even if they were women. In my mind I can still hear these words echo from the past, "I'm king of this mountain now!" In my mind, I can see them standing on top of a little hill screaming it to the world. As children we always played king of the mountain ... I can still see the red, packed pile of dirt that was our mountain. Packed down from so many games played there ... tears were mingled in that dirt, so was ... blood. The sad thing is ... the children of my family were so mean, vicious when playing. I played, I learned to survive playing it ... to play with them I had to be mean, too. I learned to be tough ... I had no choice. I was abused constantly at 'home' wherever I lived, in school ... by children, adults, men. At school, no one knew the Hell I lived in at 'home'. Home being wherever I was thrown. Everyone sought to be ... King of the Mountain. It seemed that was 'number one' in everyone's life in my family. They always had to 'show someone who was boss' ... 'show someone they don't mess with them'. Life was always a physical, verbal fight with real bloodshed, terrible mean things that always played out on the old, wooden floor with sand in the cracks ... sometimes, blood blended with the sand. This floor was in my Grandma Alma and George's house (George was her husband, the only grandfather I ever knew). Grandma Alma was paralyzed, George was blind ... paralyzed, blind ... these two people were the strongest people ... the kindest, most loving people I ever knew. They would fight for me in their own ways ... Grandma Alma with her glass of water ... George with his words, strength ... telling someone to 'leave this child alone!' I got my fighting spirit from my Grandma Alma. That was her legacy to me. Thank God. It pulled me through really tough battles ... I won my battles, I was 'queen of my mountain' (not king :). My battles were real, not petty. I fought my battles with non-Hodgkins lymphoma (cancer) for 3 years ... I reached the top of my mountain ... I won. That was 20 years ago. I survived 2 complete blockages to my heart (the widow maker), surgery saved me ... I again reached the top of my mountain, won again. Before that I survived congestive heart failure, dying, unconscious and was being put on a ventilator just as I came to ... I survived, I was smiling so big the doctor couldn't help but, smile back at me. I told her I didn't know what happened but, I think it was my imagination ... she said, 'no, honey ... that was the real thing!' So, instead of being 'king of the mountain' today ... I have been 'queen of my mountain' quite a few times ... I won't go on to keep telling you the life-threatening things I have survived ... you have an idea now. These were real things ... not things to hurt others. I never want to be 'king of the mountain' at the expense of others. However, I will be ... Queen of my mountain as long as I can. My battles have been medical for both me, Skip. I will fight with all in me to survive any battles for us to live. I will be Queen of this mountain as long as I have breath. I have Skip, our Pups2 who depend on ME ... I have to be strong, always. They are all I have ... they are my world ... I will protect, love them with all that is ... Gloria. Yes, I'm Queen Of This Mountain!