My Tommy Dragonfly Sits On My Right Shoulder

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I was looking through my photos to place one on my discussion here. I saw one of my favorite photos. It was my Tommy Dragonfly ... in memory of my son. I love the colors of my Tommy Dragonfly. Purple and green are my favorite colors together ... for me they are my good luck colors. Lately, I find myself thinking of Tommy a lot. I am alright most of the time, then like at this moment I feel sort of a rush of sadness come over me ... and a funny little sensation in the bottom of my stomach. I am glad to be this far down the road ... so much distance between me and what almost destroyed me. I am glad I chose even in the worst time of my life to make it positive no matter how bad it was when my son died. I mean no matter what I felt ... I meant for it to be positive in one way or other ... even when negative. I couldn't feel that way until several years after his death. Before that I don't remember all that well. I lived in another world ... one I'm fortunate to have come out of alive. Truthfully ... I almost didn't. I won't write about that right now. I speak this way because it is the truth ... I didn't care if I lived or died. I lived in a rainy jungle wet from all the tears from my eyes. A rainy, foggy jungle of pain, grief. It didn't matter if I could see in front of me or not. My eyes were looking inward ... not outside around me. The wonderful thing in something so bad was ... all along I'd see little patches of light in the darkness of my mind. When I did ... through time I would try to go from one patch of light to the next one. It took more years to get anywhere ... I did it ... I made it out of a world of the darkest of dark ... most painful one can ever feel ... I almost didn't. Everything did get alright ... I've fought many battles since. I'm still here ... the good thing is I can still smile ... I can know that no matter what ... somehow, one way or other ... everything can get alright. Maybe not perfect but, alright enough for me to go on. Life can be so sad ... no matter I keep one foot in front of the other ... I keep moving forward. I mean to ... I don't have time to dwell in the past. Think about it ... you can butt your head against the wall as many times as you want to ... it won't change not even one thing that has happened. I could scream, cry ... it still won't change not one thing. The only best thing to do is try to make all as good as possible and keep on going with a passion. I love my Tommy Dragonfly ... it's on my right shoulder ... in memory of my only child, my precious son.