Help.........please give some advice, everyone is we;comeI do't care who you are.

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I need someone to talk it out really one last time. Either it will be sooner or later.I am getting bullied and challenge everyday. People in Malaysia don't love me at all. They are trying to make me confusing. Everybody is confusing nowadays right? But doesn't they need to know what is happening to me and by the way want me die? Can people all the world be more understanding? Once I know that a guy I like alive again and become an electrician, I really want to see his face but in my heart I really make initiative to do it. Even though I do not have sex and talk it out loud I really like him. I have two pet sisters to bring me there many times for about 6 years. So there I saw him, in my heart it was infatuation but not now it has became love.So people knows it , I really don't know any how they do whatever that makes them do. But I really have no face to go out the neighbourhood and every day again and again. I had thinking about suicide but what for for a stupid guy like him? I really take suicide yesterday when I took 30 Tablets of zoloft, haloperidol, artane, clonazepam and other suicide medicines but I woke up this morning without any thing pain or whatsoever. Is it this frustrating of thinking that God wants me to be with Him. It can be any religion. I am in depression and schizophrenia since 1997 till now 2020 I am still suffering about this problems. I have tried talking to my mom dad and bro but still they do not understand. Am I really crazy like I just can't protect myself. Honestly I am looking for jobs yesterday which I can do not yesterday like 1997 till now. All the bosses are like hell. I can't sleep I don't know much. But it just happen until now. Should I look for God instead looking for king of hell. Many people dies everyday no and I see no more future in this world.