Why I have always sat in the background and am not super outgoing/people can't always be trusted

@sissy15 (12269)
United States
August 2, 2021 4:36am CST
Something I realized from the time I was a kid was that I was really no one's favorite person. People didn't hate me but I was just sort of there. My brother was always the favorite when it came to family members and teachers. I was mostly close to my mom's mom when I was really little and my dad throughout most of my childhood but most of my family has always preferred my brother. I never really let it bother me because if I'm honest I preferred being quiet and sitting in the background. Life is easier without the added drama of the added attention. I learned really early on that you can't trust people. I don't hate people I actually like to believe in the good people that still exist in the world but I also don't fully trust them either. I believe people have good in them but I also believe people like drama and enjoy pulling people down in order to build themselves up. Not everyone but it's difficult to tell who is who and the easiest way to avoid it is to sit in the background. I analyze people a lot and try to think about how the very same person who is good to someone can turn around and be horrible to someone else. It's why you can talk to two different people about someone and get two very different opinions. People are both good and bad but I prefer to avoid the bad to begin with. I don't open up easy. I'm very quiet in person and I just sort of sit and listen to people. I have a handful of people I trust. I should say I believe there are different forms of trust. I can trust that some people more than likely wouldn't hurt my child but I couldn't trust that same person to not talk bad about me. For instance, I trust that my dad would never intentionally hurt my child but I also don't trust him to actually watch him and keep an eye on him. I trust my husband with our son but I don't trust him to clean when he says he will. I know him and I know he puts everything off until the last minute and maybe do twenty minutes of work in three hours. People sometimes even mean well but you can't fully trust them to do some things. I think people who often talk about others like the drama and they like deflecting people away from themselves. In general, people often do talk about others I have been guilty of it in the past but have tried to learn from it and try to do better. The reason I'm really no one's favorite is because I am not outgoing. I don't like talking to people. I don't open myself up to others until I feel I can at least somewhat trust them. My husband and I talked for over a year before we even started going out. I have never been someone who just randomly jumps into something. I analyze a lot of things in life, especially in my life. People who think they know me really know nothing about me. I have always been quiet and stay in the background. My private life is private. I talk about some things but I don't bring up every single detail of my life. I have also found people in general not only do they like drama they start things out of nowhere. They are so invested in things that have nothing to do with them. If someone brings up something in casual conversation they find a way to force their opinions on them and then get angry that said person isn't taking their advice. It doesn't matter what someone else does it's not really your business and if it doesn't have anything to do with you why do you care so much? I am never intentionally mean but there are people who seem to think their opinion is the only one and they get so frustrated when someone doesn't agree. I've learned over the years that life is short and I just don't care enough to want to start a random argument with a stranger over something so stupid. I saw once where someone commented the short version of a story in the comments of a very long-winded article that makes you go through a ton of pages and said "you're welcome" jokingly because everyone hates dealing with those articles and someone actually started an argument about how they LIKED to read them. It was so stupid. Congrats if you like reading it but do you really need to be nasty to someone just helping those out who don't want to? If you have an opinion on here and you share some people will get huffy with you and I never understood the need to be so angry over something so silly. If you don't agree move on with your day no need to start an argument. I've learned that over time. It's not worth it to me. I'll defend myself if I'm attacked but I definitely don't go out of my way to attack others. If you want to nicely give some points on why you disagree and have a friendly debate that's one thing but most people don't do that they get mean and find a way of calling someone an idiot. It's like the whole COVID thing everyone gets so angry when it comes to vaccines. I say let people choose and leave it at that. I'm not going to argue about it unless attacked for my choice. I don't go out of my way looking for arguments like some people seem to. Just learn to live and let live I say. I can disagree with you and still like you I don't understand why that's so difficult for some people. I refuse to waste my time by being angry all the time. I find it best to just avoid people like that. Sometimes the background isn't such a bad place to be. Being the center of attention has never been something I enjoyed. If people wanted to like people better than me that was more than ok with me.
4 people like this
5 responses
@S4mmyboy (3266)
• Mumbai, India
2 Aug 21
Reading your entire discussion, I felt that am reading my own story....am almost like what you have depicted here. I can understand about the trust thing like what you have said about your dad and hubby, but there is no choice/option left, we have to just them to a certain extent. I don't know but this how we are. Iam in introvert but at times I behave as an extrovert with whom am comfortable with.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
I have never been remotely extroverted. I guess I just like being to myself most of the time. You're right sometimes you do just have to hand over your trust even when it's difficult. It's a bit easier with my son now that he's older and he has a phone and I can call him. My husband, I just know stuff won't get done. I have to be the one who cleans it all even though 90 percent of it is his mess. He just decides random tasks are more important than actually cleaning. Kind of reminds me of when you tell a kid to clean their room and they get distracted with playing with all of the old toys they find. I know I can't trust him to do it I can't think of one time that he has ever actually managed to clean a whole room on his own in a reasonable time span. I love people for who they are but that also means I know that there are just some things I can't trust them with. It doesn't mean they aren't necessarily trustworthy just not in certain areas.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
@S4mmyboy It's more that he just messes around instead of cleaning. He finds something that needs fixed and he'll do that instead or he'll just sit there and do nothing instead of actually cleaning. There are things that shouldn't take long that he draws out into several hours. I don't have huge expectations just that things be off the floor and surfaces.
1 person likes this
@S4mmyboy (3266)
• Mumbai, India
3 Aug 21
@sissy15 yes I understand what you mean to say about the trustworthiness with your hubs.... It's more about cleanliness, may be you expect him to be the same way you do things or the same you want the house to be decorated, which he doesn't and just cleans up randomly.....had he helped you in such things, the work load can lessen up for you... Though he do things, you aren't satisfied with the outcome ....isn't that what you mean?
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
2 Aug 21
I really do not know about the trust issue. Maybe that may be true, but when I was young, I was not that friendly to many, and I am quite picky on who to play with or be friends with. I guess that is a trust issue problem but I never thought it was like that. I just felt I am too shy to express myself to others. But despite that, many people seem to be attracted to me and try to become close to me for some reason or another, allowing them to be with me. For those too rowdy or troublesome with me, I never allow them to be near me.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
I have always been picky too but that also has to do with trust. There are people you just know you can trust and ones you know you can't and I've learned some of it the hard way. There's a reason I have the same two friends from high school and maybe only a few other friends I've made along the way. I know who I can and can't trust. I was always shy but I also knew that I wasn't comfortable opening myself up to people. I have always stayed clear of drama and trouble in general but I am not exactly unfriendly I am just quiet and choose not to open up to others. My son is sort of on the shy side but he still makes friends wherever he goes. Kids really are drawn to him and I think a lot of that is because he is kind and goofy and he doesn't try to be someone he isn't and kids seem to be able to sense that. I'm sort of just cold and aloof at first. I have a not so pleasant resting face but not because I'm mean it's just the way my face naturally looks when I'm not doing anything. I am not the friendliest looking person most of the time I guess. The people I've let in were a gradual process. I met my one friend in kindergarten and the other in actually the ninth grade but didn't become friends with him until the tenth grade.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37952)
• Philippines
3 Aug 21
@sissy15 Yeah I was tagged too in my years as shy but my teachers would always make an example that I was behaved child haha. So my classmates would not bully me because they know my teachers would notice and somehow became some kind of protection on me that I was not bullied that much for being the quietest and behave, student. My classmate would have their high regard for me and kind of respect me for who I am. I still would hear from my batchmates that I was the quiet one during my HS years. I survived those years without any issues with who I am.
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
2 Aug 21
Hi Sissy! I know what you mean about not being the favorite child. I have two sisters and ever since, I believe that the middle child is my mom's favorite. While I knew it right from the start, our youngest sister didn't. She said that she thought, she was the favorite child. Anyway, it doesn't matter much to me and in all fairness to my mother, I see her effort in making us all feel loved. I usually making fun of it claiming aloud that I'm the favorite child even though I know I'm not. I just say it to make fun of my sisters. About trusting people, I believe the cliche that nobody's perfect. We all have our shortcomings and our weaknesses. It just varies from one person to another and at some point, the people you knew would disappoint you because of these weaknesses. The key to keeping your peace differs from one person to another as well. Like in your case, you choose not to trust people in general. I, myself, believe in giving allowances for each other's weaknesses. I realized that as I get older and having a more complex relationship with other people, the imperfection of people, including myself, would cause disagreements and conflicts and you just need to be patient and understanding in order to avoid making the situation even worse. Like you, I am a hybrid - at times I am an introvert and an extrovert at times. Some people think I'm quiet and aloof but I am actually goofy and so talkative whenever I am with people whom I am comfortable with.
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
I have seven siblings but five of them are quite a bit older than me. I was never really the favorite among them either. There's always a joke among us about who our mom's favorite is and I also say I am knowing I'm not. My actual name literally means favorite so I like pointing that out. I don't expect people to be perfect and I do accept others faults but at the same time I prefer not to take the drama that comes with people. My siblings love talking about each other and backstabbing each other so I've learned really quickly to just keep to myself. My one brother is dealing with it all right now and he was always preferred over me but he was also closer to them. It's one thing to allow for someone's imperfections and it's another to have people in your life that talk poorly about you behind your back. We do all have our faults and we are bound to get frustrated with those faults but to talk about someone in such a way is a pretty cruddy thing to do and it stirs up more drama which is a big part of why I am the way I am. The less you let people in the less they are able to really talk about you. I know people are going to talk it's in their nature but I feel like when people all get together and talk about you behind your back it's pretty tactless. I have one sister who tells me to my face how it is and I'm ok with that. I know I'm not perfect but for someone to smile to your face and talk bad behind your back is just not what I want to deal with. I stay to myself because I don't want or need drama and with people you almost always get drama. I let a handful of people in and I know none of them are perfect but we are honest with each other. I don't feel the need to talk badly about them. I know their faults and they know mine and we know that some things just are what they are. I know my one friend will always be late and I'm ok with it. I don't flip out over it. I think it's fine to make certain allowances for people but I also feel like there are certain things you just shouldn't have to put up with. No one needs a fake friend. I have had those before and that's pretty much what made me the way I am. It's not that I don't trust anyone ever or that I'm mean to everyone I'm just very picky about who I let in. I love my dad and my husband faults and all and I know sometimes there are just some things I have to put up with and I do. I think for me the issue is always that you shouldn't have people in your life who can't be honest with you and feel the need to tear you down when you aren't around to defend yourself. I have worked really hard to make sure I'm not one of those people and sometimes I do fail but I know I don't like when people do it to me so I try not to do it to them. I'm actually just pretty introverted. I don't feel the need to talk to many people. I never have. I have a close-knit group but beyond that I pretty much stay to myself. I don't feel the need to socialize. I like people and I feel a lot of feelings when I'm around too many. My therapist once told me I was an emapth (not the weird psychic type) in that I just felt what others were feeling which she thinks is why I am the way I am. It's easier to avoid people and the pain that comes with them she thinks I just get too emotionally exhausted because I try to understand people too. I do like people but I also don't trust them. I feel a lot a lot of the time and it's emotionally exhausting. I can't handle big crowds. I like people but I also really don't like being around them if that makes any sense.
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
2 Aug 21
Trust plays a crucial role especially among family members. I am not a favorite child either ..as you said " Life is easier without the added drama of the added attention"..i agree ..somethings are out of our hands..
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
It does. I think you learn to just accept things and move on. When you don't want to be the center of attention it makes everything all the easier. I am actually the youngest of seven for my mom and three for my dad (I have one full brother) and I never felt the need to fight for attention it probably helps that five of my siblings are quite a bit older than me and they were more like extra parents growing up but I wasn't their favorite either. I accepted it and was actually pretty grateful for it.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (15860)
• United States
2 Aug 21
I am a lot like you, introverted, avoid drama, and don't trust people easily, don't start fights over things that don't matter.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
3 Aug 21
I feel it's the best way to be. The less drama the better.
1 person likes this