And on the subject of relationships...
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85137)
Shingle Springs, California
September 7, 2021 2:27pm CST
You know, I mostly have a pretty good thing going with Tony, but like all people he has some issues. He's not really good at coming out directly about his feelings about things when he's upset or frustrated, and he comes at me with these passive aggressive comments that are really annoying. He also has issues with "exes" since his last serious relationship, she left him for her ex right when he got sick with kidney disease.
My twins turned 21 on Sunday and their aunt (my ex's sister) arranged a party. They were really excited about it. So of course, Tony didn't want to go because my ex was going to be there. So OK, I made excuses for him and I went. The kids were disappointed. They actually like Tony. But when I told him, he made this comment that just really sits wrong with me. He told me to go ahead and go and "play family". 
Ya know, that comment is just rude and hurtful and not at all true. I don't "play family". I was supporting my children on their big day. I barely even talked to my ex. But when I came home from the party, I could see he wasn't in the best of moods.
I was getting ready for bed when I remembered that I needed to give KitKat her pill. So I grabbed it and started to go downstairs when Tony reminded me to put a t-shirt on. He doesn't like me wearing only my summer pajamas when my daughter's boyfriend is around. So I went to grab the t-shirt and put it on and said "I forgot he was here", silly me. And Tony raised his voice and said something snarky. So I raised my voice and said something back. Don't remember what either of us said, total blank.
But the look on his face, like I had just disrepected baseball, apple pie, the army, God and his mother. He was MAD. Well, after I gave the cat her pill and finished up getting ready for bed, he got up and got dressed and said he was leaving. Well I got in his way and told him he was going to listen to me, that I was allowed to talk in my own house. He tried to shut me down, which is what he almost always does, but I wasn't having it this time.
I told him that I didn't do anything wrong and that he was overreacting and that he was welcome to come back after he cooled off. He growled that he might not. He was back after 10 minutes, but yesterday he was stomping around like he was still mad. He didn't like the "my house" comment either, although I didn't mean it like "my house and not yours", more like "my house too", but when people are mad, they aren't rational.
But at least I didn't back off of the conflict. Usually I do. My counselor is going to love this one. 
Ya know, that comment is just rude and hurtful and not at all true. I don't "play family". I was supporting my children on their big day. I barely even talked to my ex. But when I came home from the party, I could see he wasn't in the best of moods.
I was getting ready for bed when I remembered that I needed to give KitKat her pill. So I grabbed it and started to go downstairs when Tony reminded me to put a t-shirt on. He doesn't like me wearing only my summer pajamas when my daughter's boyfriend is around. So I went to grab the t-shirt and put it on and said "I forgot he was here", silly me. And Tony raised his voice and said something snarky. So I raised my voice and said something back. Don't remember what either of us said, total blank.
But the look on his face, like I had just disrepected baseball, apple pie, the army, God and his mother. He was MAD. Well, after I gave the cat her pill and finished up getting ready for bed, he got up and got dressed and said he was leaving. Well I got in his way and told him he was going to listen to me, that I was allowed to talk in my own house. He tried to shut me down, which is what he almost always does, but I wasn't having it this time.
I told him that I didn't do anything wrong and that he was overreacting and that he was welcome to come back after he cooled off. He growled that he might not. He was back after 10 minutes, but yesterday he was stomping around like he was still mad. He didn't like the "my house" comment either, although I didn't mean it like "my house and not yours", more like "my house too", but when people are mad, they aren't rational.
But at least I didn't back off of the conflict. Usually I do. My counselor is going to love this one. 4 people like this
3 responses
@kaylachan (84823)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
7 Sep 21
Sometimes it's a good idea to back off of the conflict, so both of you don't say something you'll regret.
@marguicha (230349)
• Chile
7 Sep 21
We used to fight at the living room (smoking was offbounds for both of us then) until either the fight ended or we were too tired and sleepy to continue. I´m afraid that I said naughtier things to him them.
Yay Dawn 
