My DM is Trying to Guilt Trip Us
By Kade
@akruser13 (475)
Los Angeles, California
January 25, 2022 4:26pm CST
So I play Dungeons and Dragons. Big nerd, I know.
I got into a group with a bunch of folks who are now my ex-coworkers from that job I quit. We hadn't gotten to play for a couple months because when you work with all the people you play with it's really hard to find a day to play games where all of you are off at that same time, especially at a retail job over holidays.
But now between several of us quitting and the fact that the mall shortened hours again due to Covid reasons, we finally found time to play last night. And it was great! Lots of fun!
Until our DM (dungeon master - the guy who runs the game for the players) tried to get us all to commit to another game day later in the week. For those of you who don't know, D&D takes HOURS to play. It's not a quick thing. And our DM lives pretty far away from the rest of us. Like we love playing, it's great, we don't mind the drive because he has all the cool gear to play with. But I don't want to play more than once a week at most. I have other things I need to be doing. I know I'm between jobs right now but that doesn't mean I'm sitting here doing nothing all day.
So we all sort of said "we'll see" and left it at that. Today he sends us all a text telling us about what a bad day he's having for various reasons. One of them was that he lost someone in the family. It's sad. I want to give him condolences but he ended out his message saying "I could really use another game day on Friday as a pick me up."
And now I'm just annoyed. Maybe that seems insensitive. But I feel like he's using his bad day to try to guilt trip us into playing and that makes me not want to even more. I understand everyone has their crutches and their vices and their things that make them feel better when they're sad, and it's okay to ask for those things, but in this case it just feels like pressuring because he was so pushy about it last night already.
I just hope if I say no that he doesn't hold it against me later. I want to play, I just want to play at reasonable intervals. Just because I'm between jobs right now doesn't mean I don't have a life.
3 people like this
2 responses
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
26 Jan 22
You are a gamer. You know that some times a DM becomes one because they don't really have a life outside of gaming. Maybe you could suggest he find another group to game with...?
Is there a store near where you/he lives that he can find other groups of gamers?
Is he good enough that someone might want to toss a few bucks his way for him to DM games for them?
I know as an unemployed person you probably couldn't afford to do so, but there are several stores in my area that arrange games and have areas set aside for them to game on, tables ya know... In fact, there are two pretty close together in the area I live in.
No, I don't game. I have played exactly one RPG and hated it. I probably hated it because I am a writer and I want things to go the way I want them to, because that's something fiction writers do. However, I have known lots of gamers. The roommate is a gamer.
@akruser13 (475)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Jan 22
Lol, I am a fiction writer. I just happen to do well when I collaborate with other people. It keeps me on my toes, I like the practice, the having to improvise ideas on the fly based on what your fellow creative has given you. It's fun for me. But I still need a play/life balance.
He does actually have a big gaming store very close to him, he's always talking about it. He knows the guy who owns it too. You'd think he can find a group easy over there to mingle with, but I think he just prefers it with us because we're already friends. With the stranger groups you sometimes wind up with the bully gamers or the know-it-alls.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
26 Jan 22
@akruser13 true, like I said, I've only played one RPG. I was at ArmadilloCon and Steve Jackson, of Steve Jackson Games was doing a test game. I was the only one who had never RPG before.
This was well over 20 years ago I think.
As for fiction - is it fanfic or original? I've done both and have some fanfic on AO3 - same name.
@akruser13 (475)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Jan 22
@ElicBxn Both. I have a TON of fanfic on AO3 lol. I haven't written much fic in recent years though, it's all older stuff. I'm working on trying to get some original work published now.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (84785)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
26 Jan 22
I can understand both sides, too. He needs the distraction, and wants the company. While at the same time, you don't want to feel like you're being forced. You have the right to turn him down, and should not feel guilty about it. I may not look like I have a life sometimes, but, I have one, too. So, I can understand completely. I won't make myself feel responsible for how others feel. You shouldn't either. Enjoy your life.
@akruser13 (475)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Jan 22
I'm a very empathetic person and I am generally guilty on a regular basis of doing things I don't want to do just to please others. I'm trying to get my life in order though, I need to be able to take care of myself. I can't give him multiple days a week on a game when I need to get on track to make myself an income again. I can certainly give him an ear if he wants to talk about it but not 5+ hours playing a game plus another hour and a half round trip in drive time.
