Back to mylot after two years

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In the past two years, there were two big changes in my life. One was I got married. Second, I had my first baby early this month even though it was expected to be confined in March. When I looked back to those hard moments, I felt depressed. My baby didn't pass the hearing tests. The jaundice is more serious than other normal term infants. Low weight and a patent ductus arteriosus. I often felt guilty at the first few days and usually sobbed when I was being alone in the sick room. I felt so sorry and powerless for not protecting well to my baby, making her a premature baby. I knew that I need to keep a good mood, but I can't. Every time I thought of my poor baby girl, I can't help to feel guilty. Postpartum depression I may got, I think. I DID try to be more positive but failed all the time, Although the days were tough, they were part of my life. I accepted.