Are You A Person Who Is Easily Affected?

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I am. And its exhausting. And it doesn't matter how or where. Now that it's spring, I try to find a musician partner - for either live playing, or other work, usually online requests. I did get an e-mail, and we exchanged a few e-mails. She sent me vocal samples, and I liked her voice, and hope something comes out of it. She seems like she prefers only live playing, where I prefer studio, since we are only two. I'm not sure if she can play other instruments, either, but for the past 48 hours, I've been thinking about all the possibilities. But I also know a lot of places are still closed. She hasn't replied, but I already think, "Another one?". Years ago, I thought it was just my "art" circle. I put "art" in quotation because many are more interested in talk or the possibly future glory, without putting any work. I can't tell you how many times people just suddenly stop responding. People could simply respond by saying, "I'm not interested anymore" or "I found another project", make something up (despite my distaste for dishonesty). But it's not just future work with this woman. I think, "OK, I'm going to really have to organize things, a ton of work" and then would be so upset if she didn't show up on some scheduled meet. In my studio, I have clothes all over, to absorb the sound, and avoid getting a "tinny" sound. I've experimented with carpet, concrete, wooden floors - you name it. And then there's the thought of sex. One of those things where, "I'm single, you're single, my bed is a few feet away, it could be good for us", but of course, I also think of all the headaches and drama, but it doesn't prevent me from thinking and thinking, to the point I have a movie ("Stevie"; 1977), but I can't pay attention. I'm also one who will check my multiple e-mail accounts many times a day, or sites like this, or other places. It's even worse on the phone... And even worse when someone comes over. Even after they leave, my brain is still going on and on and on.. Continuing the conversation in my head, or editing what was said, to insert things I wanted to say (but interrupted), or would have preferred to say (prioritizing). What I don't understand is that during COVID, I kinda like being in my own, isolated world. But then I do something stupid and get a thought in my head. I've thought of people on here. Maybe even some I never talked to. It's no different anywhere else. As I look at the TV screen, I'm thinking of Geraldine Chaplin, who I don't even like as an actress, but I think, "I wonder how my life would be with her". Many times I tell myself, "Don't do it" -- meeting someone new, but maybe I'm too influenced from movies (from all over the world) of the 1930-70s, and think, "Maybe I'll encounter something or someone amazing" - maybe something so great to make up for past suffering. I also wonder if it's a defense mechanism. A week ago in another chat, I said something like, "When I'm feeling down, I think to myself, 'I live alone and I'm single with no kids'" but it reminds me of someone who says he doesn't care about some girl, and then never stops talking about her. I think people are hesitant to show any vulnerability, even online, because it can be used against them.