My son and I have a super close bond
August 5, 2022 7:54am CST
My son and I have been watching a lot of old movies lately. I've got him into a lot of Doris Day movies. He has been walking around humming the "The Pajama Game" songs along with "The Glass Bottom Boat" and the opening song for "Do Not Disturb". He never used to be a musical fan but as he has gotten older he has started showing more appreciation for them. He about threw a fit when I made him watch "Singin' in the Rain" a few years ago. I have tried introducing a lot of movies to him over the years and while he has loved some he has hated others. He is starting to appreciate some of my favorites more and more as he gets older. I had a conversation with him tonight and I was just surprised how much he has matured in even a year in some areas. He is starting to understand things more and I was surprised by how much he seems to understand the world around him in a way he didn't use to. I remember the conversation he had with his former 2nd and 4th-grade teacher (he had her twice). I went to find him after I got off since I worked in his school building (he is off to the middle school and I'll still be at his old elementary school) and I always found him talking to a couple of his favorite teachers. I went in to get him. She told me they were just discussing some things and he gave her some advice and told her that he doesn't personally get over things he just gets through them. I have to admit I thought that was pretty insightful for an 11 year old. Sometimes he does surprise me with how much he understands even though I feel like a lot of time he doesn't understand anything. He walks through life oftentimes with a sort of blindness to the realities of some things while having a full understanding of other things. I've enjoyed the closeness we have shared this summer. he is turning into this person I can genuinely talk to that I couldn't before. He's enjoying some of the things I introduce him to that he never enjoyed before. I feel like some of the movies I've watched with him while child appropriate take a certain appreciation for and he's now reaching this part of his life where he is able to appreciate them more. He and I like to put some of the musicals on in the background while we are doing other things. My son and I have always been super close and he told me tonight that he knows we have always been close and he told me he hopes we always stay that way. My husband is sometimes jealous of my relationship with him because he has never been able to get that close to him. For whatever reason, my son and I were just instantly bonded. It may have been the entire year I spent sleeping close to him because my son was born with a cleft lip and had bad reflux he got too much air and often spit everything back up and I was so afraid he'd choke. I had to feed him his bottles while holding his lip shut. It was such a difficult thing and I always had to be nearby so he wouldn't choke. Even after his surgery he still had reflux so that made me paranoid. I have spent so much time with him in caring for him and in being there for him that we have built this super strong bond. From the time he started walking and talking it was always me there with him. My mom used to comment on how close he was to me and I told her that's because I had been there with him from the beginning doing all the hard stuff which meant I also got the amazing moments. After he had cleft lip surgery I was the one who did most of his syringe feedings. I was the one who slept with him on me so he would be elevated because he was not allowed to lay flat. It was always me. I read to him before he even fully understood what I was reading to him. It has always been me. Even now whenever something good or bad happens it's always me he runs to. All summer I've introduced him to new movies from my childhood and some of my favorite old movies. I've loved spending this time with him. We talk about anything and everything. We don't always do anything special but sometimes just hanging out is enough for him. We've played board games and video games. He and I will occasionally find drawing videos and draw together. We've colored together. My husband is usually working but even when he isn't he doesn't have the patience to handle a lot of the stuff I handle. He's not a bad father he loves our son but he has never been one to want to do things with him on his own. My husband also sometimes have unrealistic expectations on what he feels our son should be doing because he doesn't fully understand what our son is capable of. My son loves him and he loves our son more than anything but I feel like he needs to adjust what he expects from him and learn some more patience. Our son is more difficult than a lot of kids because of everything he has to deal with but I've noticed some good changes in him recently. My husband so badly wants the closeness I share with our son but I don't think he knows how to go about it. I've put in almost 12 years of work getting to where I am with him. My husband has always been working and when he wasn't he just didn't know how to begin to connect with him. My son is so much like me and a little like my husband but my son's interests while some of them are the same as my husband's he has more of my interests and some of his own. I told my husband he just needs to zoom in on something they both enjoy and try and build on it. I don't think they'll ever be as close as we are but I think they could still be closer. Kids always remember who was there for them. My son knows I've always been the one who has been there. I do the majority of the discipline, I do the majority of the homework help, I do the majority of the fun stuff, I do the majority of it all. Where my son is concerned it has always been me who has done most of it. My husband has always worked hard and he would occasionally roughhouse with our son but wasn't one to just do the kind of parenting that was required. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time so it made sense for me to do the majority of the parenting. Our son listens to my husband but it's always me he runs to for advice and support. I know it can be hard for my husband to not have that connection at times but I've always been the one who does everything so what did he expect? I know he worked and works hard but he could always make time for our son and while there were times he really did amazing with him he still often chose to spend time away from him. I was much more fortunate than my husband though, I had decent parents who taught me how to be a parent and a lot of patience with me my husband never had that. He is a better parent than what he had and I have confidence if my son has children he's going to be an amazing father. Some people end up being great parents despite how they were raised but others have a harder time for one reason or another. In the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy the good days with my son. I am going to enjoy the family moments we have. I am going to continue our movie nights. I am going to spend all the time I can with him so he grows into a strong adult who knows he is loved. I know there's a chance one day my son will grow up and may not be as close but I hope he always knows he has me in his corner.
4 people like this
@sissy15 I can understand how hard it must be for your husband not to be able to bond with his son. I am glad you two have a closeness and that you can have a real conversation with him. He sounds very mature for his age. I hope you will both always have that special bond together and maybe one day your husband may not bond with him but may be a step closer to him.
• United States
@Hannihar I think my husband is going to get somewhere with him eventually and my son is still super sweet and understanding about it. I think he'd be welcome to his dad getting to know him better it's just that my husband is going to have to take those first steps.
• United States
It usually is but there are times when there are exceptions to the rule. I've known men who are much better parents than their mothers and the children are closer to the fathers than the mother. My nephew while he loves my sister he is closer to his dad at least currently. He was closer to my sister when he was little.
• Bangalore, India
I can understand it so well as a parent.. Children are smart and they grow to develop different kinds of relationship with different people. My daughters are close to both of us but for sure they are more close to me . And the reason being similar to yours. It's heartening to see how children mature. I hope that your bond with your son stays strong forever. Cherish it! It's precious.