Another Step in Recovery at the Retreat this Week

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Got back from Mountain High (the TBI-conqueror-gathering in Red River, NM; not the ... I don't know, whatever else comes up when you search 'Mountain High') at about 1 this morning, slept-in, woke, ate, etc.... and I'm back with a message. It probably won't be very clear; and I think I do that because you learn lessons better if you 'discover' them, but it 'repels' people, who naturally want your messages (to them) to be concise---either criticism, praise, request/instruction, or information. I could (and probably will) relate all the happy-fun things that happened at the camp (my counselor's recovery-celebration, where I met 5 angels; my requested vocal performances, my 'frontman'-performance (pictured), etc.), but I want to get to the issue I'm dealing-with (one that--tho I might have a slightly different approach to it--is "a demon" that everyone deals-with). I want to be included in people's common considerations---if the group is doing something, I want to be invited/brought/NEEDED along with the group. 'The demon' tells me I'm not good enough to be included like that. I might reply, "Oh, I'm good enough; they've just got to clear their minds of worries so there's space to consider what I'm saying" (my counselor put it, "Think of Stuart Smalley, 'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough; and Doggone it! People Like Me!'"); but every time I'm interrupted (either by people who assume they know what I'm going to say, or by people I'm talking-to who turn away without so-much as an "excuse me, please"), the demon pipes up, "look, see? this proves it! You're NOTHING to them! hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-heeeee!" I learned that I'm often too 'soft-spoken,' and people think I've already said "what I'm going to say" and am just mumbling after-thoughts to myself; so I thought it would be good to repeat myself louder, but my counselor thinks that then I'm 'doing my passive-aggressive acting-out.'