I'm really not victim shaming

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I heard about someone I knew in high school and college. I heard this from a friend I've known since elementary school. Let me introduce you briefly to this gal. I really didn't know her well in high school, partly because she became part of a group while I was at another high school. It also was partly because she and another person had a different lunch hour (half hour) than I did. The high school was large enough that it was a 90 minute time with people going in on 15 minute shifts. Her shift ended when mine began. But I did know her because mutual friends talked about her. I got to know her a bit better in college because for a semester I was living on campus and so was she, actually I think she lived on campus the whole time, but I was only there for 1 full year and 3 summer sessions. I talked her into going down to a burger joint just off campus and she was so afraid that someone was going to, I don't know, attack us? So, my friend I've known since forever told me this story. "I forgot I was going to tell you the latest about A. She married a Canadian and has therefore been living near Calgary, Alberta, for 18 years. Well, her husband had been going downhill physically for a couple of years -- and he has now died. Long story short, she is going to have to stay in Canada, where she has no one now, because her only income is the survivor's benefit from some pension her husband was on -- and she will lose that if she leaves Canada. She doesn't drive because it makes her "nervous." It's all one big honking mess. As another friend commented, A now has 2 dead husbands. (She and the first husband divorced after 25 years of marriage.)" Now, remember, I can't say I have fond memories of this gal. I wrote my friend back with this: [i]"Oh my. Somehow I'm not surprised A has dug herself a hole. She was one of those girls who would be afraid to leave the dorm because "something" might happen. I was kind of like "bring it on!" I am sorry to hear her husband died, really I am, but A has a victim type personality and is looking to be victimized. You could plop a lot of good things and she'd have a problem with it. She's not the worst I've seen like that. There have been a couple of people that Connie (Maggiepie) and I knew who if you said something about a good thing, their response was "But the problem with that is..." Needless to say, we didn't try too hard to stay friends. In fact, one was the sister of someone we liked, so it was nearly impossible to see the one without the other. And not having anyone is kind of on her, she could've made friends. Rant about A over."[/i] To which my friend replied: "Agreed with your rant!" And... isn't that the way it goes. You learn who are heroes and who are victims pretty darned quick.