A daughter just found her mother great lie

@ru88en (2997)
Philippines
December 1, 2006 3:27pm CST
My cousin was raaape when she was 16 years old (this was 15 years ago) and got pregnant. Her daughter grew-up, believe that my cousin was her older sister and the grand parents was her parents. The daughter now 13 years of age, upon sorting her school paper requirements for school graduation gain access to her birth certificate and found her mother great lie. Despite the family now tell the whole story, the daughter turn rebellious. Vices comes in, she lost interest in schooling, escape from classes and hung out to her friends house. Until lately she make friends with (a would say) undesirable group of teenagers. As an uncle, I am afraid that she will be abuse, date-raaape, gang-raaape or suffer much worst fate than her mother. What shall I do for my niece? How should the family deal the situation? If you were the mother, how can you change the picture?
19 people like this
205 responses
@baysmummy (1638)
• Australia
1 Dec 06
wow thats a tough one, i think maybe you should try approach her and she if she will open up to you because you arent her mother or her grandparents she might be more willing to speak to you as long as she knows it is in confidence! I have seen this happen so much and i have never seen a happy ending it these situations! I am extremly sorry this is happening but honestly her mother and her grandparents have no one else to blame but themselves if they just had of been honest then done of this would of happened! Best of luck!
3 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
It would have been easy for me to talk to her if I only am a lady. Thank you. I has hope the situation will not getting worst.
2 people like this
@Xrated (3766)
• Pakistan
1 Dec 06
I am soory ! dear I think U should have to tell her in a polite manner that this is not good for her and ask her with such love that she have to take intrust in her school work I hope so dear it can work
3 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Thanks, every word here counts a lot to me.
3 people like this
@wwfn2223 (109)
• United States
2 Dec 06
this is a tought one. I would just be there for her and let her know that you are there if she every wants to talk to someone. I find its alot easier that way then forces your way into the childs room and extracting the much need information. This has got to be rough for the family has they both need to find a way to handle it.
2 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Yes, maybe mild approach is more effective in this situation. I see your point. Thank you.
2 people like this
@psyclone (244)
• Romania
2 Dec 06
yes, you should get professional help though
• India
2 Dec 06
good u hav took such care of her and thinking so much for her, i think till she has you as uncle .. she will always be on a good path !!
@TJtwix (49)
2 Dec 06
she is at a very vunerable age to have found out all this also how do you tell your daughter she is from someone who raped her mother she needs family love she is just fighting against everyone she needs you all to be there for her to help her get through this try and get her to go to councilling and also not forgeting her mother who is now probably reliving her worse nightmare be there for her also maybe at a later date they can have councilling together she must have loved her daughter and still love her daughter as she decided to keep her and she was brought up in the family.. good luck to you i wish you all the best in sorting this out
2 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Thanks, I know she needs more of our love and understanding specially this time. I hope she will be enlighten.
2 people like this
• India
2 Dec 06
ok lets face it it is very difficult for a family to face a problems like this,and it is very easy to give suggetions as i am giving.but tell you one thing yuor family shoul talk to har and tell her that her mother was raped and in that it was not her fault.if she continue to be in bad compnay she would definately will get hurt.so teke a brave step and stop her doing her anything wrong.even if you have to slap her go mfor it.as one slap would save her life to get ruined.
• Romania
1 Dec 06
sorry to hear that... well i gues you could try talk to her and explain that what she is doing is wrong... if it doesn't work you should get professional halp
2 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Yes, I been thinking about getting professional help. Thanks.
2 people like this
@pusibaba (1010)
• India
1 Dec 06
iam sorry
2 people like this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
1 Dec 06
Any thing you said will help.
2 people like this
@kiyokino (47)
• United States
2 Dec 06
It's hard to make children understand just how serious these kinds of things are. She's probably feeling hurt by the lie and afraid that she can never trust her grandparents or her mother again. What you say may have no effect, but having someone who cares and listens would be a great thing for her right now. Why not try taking her out for a day (like to a movie and someplace to eat and such) and once she feels comfortable and is calm, explain to her how much you worry about her, and how you just want her to be happy. Make it known that if she needs somewhere to run or someone to talk to, that you're the first person she should come to, because you're family, and you love her, and you'll listen.
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
We'll take your suggestion.
• United States
2 Dec 06
I think your niece is being selfish and needs to look at it from a different point of view. Her mother did what she thought was right by not telling her. She never tried to hurt her. Ditching school and hanging with the wrong crowed seems like a poor excuse to me. If I were you, I would take her to lunch or something to talk to her. Explain to her how her mother did what she thought was right and that you're afraid she might end up down the same path her mother did. Perhaps through in how if she did get the same fate, what would she tell her daughter? I wish you and your family all the best.
1 person likes this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
I love your line "Perhaps through in how if she did get the same fate, what would she tell her daughter". Good point, this can be her eye opener. I am very thankful for your comment. I also what you to know I gave this response a + rate.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
1 Dec 06
This is why I think it's better to be honest about these sort of things. Sooner or later its going to come out. I think they should sit down and talk to her. Find out what's on her mind and how she feels. Hopefully she will understand their reasoning for not tell her, that they thought it was best for her at the time. Is there any way she can get some counseling?
1 person likes this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Why do sometimes people have to lie? The grandparents on this case lie to protect the future of their raaaped-daughter. I agree with what you say.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Dec 06
I am so sorry about this situation, but I think that your cousin was wrong not to tell her and lie because she had the right to know. I think you should talk to the mother tell her to talk to her daughter explain she was raped and thought it would be best to let her think she was living a normal life. She nees to tell her she loves her and is sorry for what she did.
1 person likes this
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
I know my cousin was wrong. At that age, she rely on her parents decision which also thought the decision was best for her. Lesson in life : Mistakes cannot be corrected by another kind of mistakes.
2 people like this
• India
2 Dec 06
Make her understanding everything and control her
@akash_ain (387)
• India
2 Dec 06
send her away from her mother.......try to send her in a good and healthy enviroment....
1 person likes this
• Australia
2 Dec 06
Not sure there is anything you can do. Its up to her mum is she wants to have anything to do with her? if the mum wants to be a mum to her she needs to explain why she never told her the truth and if she has always loved her. and if she also wants a realaship or just stick to sisters? They both need concelling i would think. If you knew about it you need to tell her the truth also otherwise if she finds out you new she will be upset
1 person likes this
@diya82 (115)
• Germany
2 Dec 06
Yes such situation can definitely be dangerous..it is better that u take her to some psychatrist..we cannot blame the child because there are sufficient reasons for her to behave like this...She must be suffering from depression now...so medication is the best thing to do...after that u can explain the situation...but since the child is quite young i dont how well she will understand the situation...but u can give it a try...i believe its all a passing phase and she will definitely come over it
1 person likes this
@Mommamea (1215)
• United States
2 Dec 06
first of all I would have to understand and make a few things more clear to me. This is a tragic story however you say this happened 15 years ago and yet the daughter is only 13. She is sorting through papers for school graduation at the age of 13. You say in the first part she is your cousin and later ask what you should do as the Uncle for your neice. Which is it? I understand there could me some misconcept of the English language but this does not make since to me and the word raaape you type over and over is rape. I would like to know more of this before I comment further.
• United States
2 Dec 06
I'm just guessing here, but he said his cousin was 16 & this happened 15 years ago & the girl is now 13. So now his cousin would be(guessing here again) 31 yrs old. If she was only a couple of months shy of her birthday some people (even myself) count that as 1 yr. Then the 9 months gestation. When added together comes close to 2 years, thus the 15 yrs ago / 13 yrs old time gap. Also in some families (like mine) even though it is his cousins kid, since he is so much older it may be proper for him to be considered her uncle. But I would like to hear from him if my perception on this is right.
• United States
2 Dec 06
I'm just guessing here, but he said his cousin was 16 & this happened 15 years ago & the girl is now 13. So now his cousin would be(guessing here again) 31 yrs old. If she was only a couple of months shy of her birthday some people (even myself) count that as 1 yr. Then the 9 months gestation. When added together comes close to 2 years, thus the 15 yrs ago / 13 yrs old time gap. Also in some families (like mine) even though it is his cousins kid, since he is so much older it may be proper for him to be considered her uncle. But I would like to hear from him if my perception on this is right.
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
the "raape" was intentional because myLot won't accept it at my end. It says something like "content mature" not acceptable and recommended for rephrase. Maybe I just don't know how to configure my profile. I am also thankful for you being vigilant here and first notice people copy the responses of others just to made some post. As to the uncle, neice cousin thing, my apology being not so familiar with naming family relationship in english. As to 15 year and 13 years old, thank you for bring out this things. I am just not too concious in giving out numbers here. Sorry for all of that. But thanks to all, I am getting valuable response here.
@nvmbr75 (85)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Just let her know that your there for her no matter what. Just because she acts like or says she don't want to her it, she hears ya. Prayer does more in a situation like this than you realize. Right now, she's hurt and feels betrayed. Everything she knew as hers has been a "lie" so to speak. This is alot to adjust to. This is just what she is doing, adjusting. It may be a slight set back for her. But she will get through this with the support of her family. Remeber, pray for her protection and her emotions. God bless!
@momto2 (472)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Wow, I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I would try to have a heart to heart talk with the girl, let her know the whole situation and tell her that she was LOVED and always will be LOVED. She needs to understand that just because you aren't her "birth family" that she was loved like she was family. Good Luck to you!
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Thanks.
@Priceless (1278)
2 Dec 06
i don't really know what I would do other than confront her. And offer advise and concealing.
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Sometimes we just don't know what is best to do. Thanks.
@sammy1128 (241)
• China
2 Dec 06
the best way is to get profeesional help,it is too bad
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
We are moving to this direction. Thank you.
• Australia
2 Dec 06
This is a difficult thing.She probably feels betrayed that she wasn't told, and maybe even feel luike shes only here because her mother was raped.I think she just may need time to sink what she has learnt to sink in.Could you imagine at her young age, how hard this can be for her to deal with????I would say love her, don't try to stop her doing the things shes doing, but just be there for her, coz it sounds like she really needs someone.
@ru88en (2997)
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
Yes, she needs more our love and understanding. I hope one day she learn to accept this things positively.