My Mothers Death

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My mother and I were like oil and water. We clashed so much, and I never felt that she genuinely loved me. My brother was the same way with her and he was treated so badly. More on that in another post. My father died in 1991 at the age of 61, and I tried to get close to my mother but she just could not bond with me. I loved her, and in some aspects she must have loved me, but I just don't know. After my dad died, she continued raising the youngest child (the one who didn't belong to my dad, but he raised her until his death and he loved that child very much.) That child was 12 years old at that time and started going through some emotions. My younger sister had moved to Iowa where her husbands family lived. My sister told my mom to come up there and they could live with them. So my mom, who was terrified of flying, took the youngest on a greyhound bus. When they arrived in Chicago, the youngest, who was 14 at that time decided really to do a runner and she ran away. My mom was terrified and scared. The police told her to continue her trip and they would find her daughter. I couldn't have done that but my mom did. She lived with my sister for many, many years. They lived in Iowa for awhile, and then after my sisters divorce and subsequent marriage to a man in Texas, they went to Texas. Sister went through another divorce and was now in a apartment with her 3 children and mother. I don't know really what happened here, but something like Child Protective Services, but for the elderly, came in and checked on my mom. She was dirty and stinky and my sister wasn't really taking care of her or her children. The children went to their fathers and my mom was put in a nursing home. All this time I always called my mom on her birthdays and I had no idea she wasn't being cared for. When she was put into the home, I talked to her about it and she was enjoying that care. They had bingo and dance classes and just some things like that that she had never had a chance to do before. I talked to the nurses at the home and they always let me know how she was. And I was comfortable with her being in their care. At this time, sister is now living with me in KY. In 2013, on her birthday which was in October/, as I did every year, on her birthday I'd change my profile pic to her (as I do with my siblings, mom, dad, children, hubby and grandchildren), I would change my profile picture to the photo of the birthday person. On that October day I received a message from my sisters ex husbands mother. She told me she needed to talk to me concerning my mother. So, of course I called. The first thing she told me was that she was sorry that she hadn't said anything before hand, but that her son had told her not to talk to us. "Your mom has passed away" she told me. I asked when and what happened. My mother had passed away 11 months previously! For some reason my ex brother in law was the person they had as next of kin. They had called him and he didn't call any of us and tell us. Her body was in a type of limbo and once she had been deceased for 6 month, as per Texas law, if someone doesn't claim the person, they are cremated. Then again after 6 more months, their ashes are scattered. So, luckily I was able to get her ashes. But here it is almost 10 years later and I am so mad at my sisters ex-husband.