Poem Dear Weather Girls

Tweet

Dear Weather Girls (Inspired by the song It's Raining Men, by The Weather Girls). Regarding your wish for it to rain men, Pray you are indoors if and when, For if a twelve stone bloke Plummets your way he’ll end up broke And he'll put more than Holes in your upturned umbrella. The freefalling fella Will hit you with sufficient power To injure or kill you while a shower Will be a national emergency Requiring ambulances being called out in some urgency. Are we to take it that you want the men descending alive? After falling thousands of feet from clouds in the sky, They’ll just get splattered, and few if any will survive. Neither will you if you try to catch yourself a hunk You’ll get crushed or splashed with blood, gore and a chunk or two It’s unlikely the men you catch will be in a fit state for romance In fact there is virtually no chance or circumstance In which so many people will fall from the sky Unless a passenger jet explodes way up high There have been occasional showers of frogs and fish But no matter how much you dream, fantasize and wish, Men are not just going to fall into your embrace from far Up in the stratosphere so head to the singles bar And do peer at the weather forecast first To check there isn’t going to be a cloudburst Of actual rain, because living breathing men are much more fun Whether it’s raining, foggy or a bright shining Sun. No thunder storm will bring you a Norm No matter how wet, you won’t find a Brett Don't expect Clement hanging about, just because it's getting a bit inclement out There’s not going to be a precipitation of wine waiters It’ll no more rain men than it’ll ever snow down alligators Well, I bloody hope not anyway. I won’t be going out on such a day And is it only sexy men you want dropping in? Or fat ugly gits, reeking of gin? If you want lots of half naked soaking wet men, then go out swimming That’s what blokes do if they want to see dripping damp women Dreaming a deluge of Dereks might make your heart tingle But staring at clouds all day, you are definitely going home single. Arthur Chappell Link to the song on Youtube.