How to be Annoying

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* Tell your friends, four days prior to their party, that you can't attend because you're not in the mood. * Practice making faxmodem noises. * Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way". * Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings. * Specify that your drive-through order is "to go". * Set alarms for random times. * Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. * Honk and wave to strangers. * Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. * Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. * Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies. * ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. * only type in lowercase and don't use any punctuation * Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. * Repeat everything someone says, as a question. * Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?”,"What?", "Never mind, it's gone now." * Light road flares on a birthday cake. * Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. * Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. * At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. * Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read. * Finish the 99 bottles of beer song. * Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb Chops?) * Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." * Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. * Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. * While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. * Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. * Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. * Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. * Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy". * Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't ricket." * Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture". * Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. * Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. * Holler random numbers while someone is counting. * Make appointments for the 31st of September. * Invite lots of people to other people's parties. * Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know. * Call in sick, then show up.