Learning to cherish memories of a friend who is no longer a friend

@sissy15 (12269)
United States
March 18, 2024 11:13pm CST
Sometimes I'll happen on a happy memory of someone I've cut out of my life and it hits differently. It's hard sometimes thinking about someone who turned out to be someone you didn't actually know. I used to hate thinking about those memories, but over time I've learned to accept that I can cherish the memories I have with them and understand there's a reason they aren't in my life anymore. I don't like them anymore and I don't want them in my life but that doesn't mean everything in the past was a lie. Sometimes people do change and not for the better and we have to learn to let them go and miss who they were in our lives while also being ok that they aren't that person anymore and just think fondly on the past. Tupac once said, "Just because you lost me as a friend doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table". I feel that in a lot of levels. I don't just start hating people. I learned to let go and move on. I don't want to see someone I once genuinely cared about suffer. I just don't want them around me anymore. I sometimes see an ex friend at the store and I act like I don't see him and I'm pretty sure he acts like he doesn't see me but I still wish him well. I'm not so full of hate that I want to see bad things happen to him. I've moved on and while I know he still hasn't grown up because he is also the father of my niece (long story) I still hope one day he does grow up. I get frustrated and angry when I think about the things he said and did in the past and I'll gripe a little but I don't wish him ill will. I'm sure he probably does me but that's not the kind of person I want to be. If he's doing well that's great. He was always the type of person who judged life based on what someone owned which was one of the many reasons we aren't friends anymore because of where we stand as humans but I also don't ever want him to be without. It would be ironic if he ended up not having all of the flashy things he judged life by but I wouldn't wish for him to lose them. We are just two completely different people and I learned to accept that and still wish him well. I to this day am keeping secrets he told me in confidence because the way I see it is just because he ended up being this massive jerk what someone tells you in confidence (unless it is genuinely hurting someone) should stay that way especially when they told you as a friend even if they aren't anymore. It should be known I don't give up on friendships easily. I am pretty loyal so it takes a lot for me to walk away and he pushed every limit I had. I learned to accept that he wasn't going to change back to who he was when we first became friends and I still have fond memories of times we had together. I thank him for teaching me lessons both good and bad. The memories are now something I think of fondly and hold onto when I question my judgment when it came to befriending him. He wasn't always bad and I know that. I will forever miss the friend he once was.
2 people like this
2 responses
@marguicha (216672)
• Chile
19 Mar
I gave up for good a friend after accepting all sorts of things from her along the years that I shouldn´t. When I finally let go it was like taking a burden from my shoulders. Then I read about life, people and trains. You are in the train of life and a person gets in at another station but not nessesarily gets down at the same station you do.
2 people like this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
22 Mar
Sometimes we do what we have to do in order to be the people we are meant to become. You're right we are not all meant to get off at the same stop. Sometimes we have to switch trains and leave them behind for our own self growth.
@jstory07 (135361)
• Roseburg, Oregon
19 Mar
Some times it is hard to give up a good friend that has become toxic in your life. I have had to do that a couple times.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (12269)
• United States
22 Mar
I think most of us have. That's just a big part of growing up. We have to let some people go in order to grow into who it is we are meant to become.
1 person likes this