The Funeral of Charles Hine.

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Today I went to the funeral of my cousin Charles Hine. I wore a black blouse and black trousers with black socks, but my black shoes had to be thrown out because they were rubbing my toes, and they were wearing out anyway. So I wore my baige shoes to go with my baige handbag. I kinda knew that the food there would not be vegan, so I had a banana and a pot of edamame beans for an early lunch before I went as I said in my previous post. I started getting ready to go at 11:15am. I put my blouse and trousers on, but they were a bit tight to get on. They feel alright when there on though. I went to the toilet, and I was ready and waiting in the living room at 11:30am. I watched some of Homes Under the Hammer while I was waiting for Syd to get ready. He said we'd be setting off at 11:45am, but he wasn't ready and downstairs until 12:00 midday! I swear, he'll be late for his own funeral! We set off towards Fradley. I saw a sign that said "Road Ahead Closed!" but I don't think Syd saw it, because he carried on! When we got to the end of the road to where it joins the A38 there were some traffic cones and another sign that said "Road Ahead Closed!" and so he had to stop and turn round and go back the way we had come! We went all the way back passed the end of where we came out of the street where our church is and all the way up the other way up the main road near our house, and all the way round the reaking. Then Syd went up these back roads. And at one point he said he'd missed the turning! At one point my Mum told him to slow down because he was going so fast! We found our way back on the A38 and then we got stuck behind a great big lorry! I looked at my watch and it was 12:25pm! The funeral was supposed to start at 12:30pm! We weren't going to get there on time! When we came to our turning we saw a police cars flashing lights up ahead on the road we were just leaving, and Mum said thank goodness we weren't going on up there! We got to the crem at 12:35pm. But we needn't have worried. The hearse was still outside and people were still going in. Me and my Mum got out of the car and followed them in while Syd went to find somewhere to park the car. When we got in someone showed us to a seat about three rows from the back. We sat down and Syd joined us a few minutes later. We were just on time. But we didn't get an order of service because of being late. As soon as we'd sat down the lady funeral director started talking about Charles Hine, from his birth right up to the present day. About the dogs he loved and the football team he supported (Aston Villa) to joining the family firm (Charles Hine and Son furniture removals, that being a previous Charles) about his love of cooking (I never would have guessed!) etc, etc, etc. He had 3 kids that I didn't even know about, two sons Charlie and Jack, and a daughter Alex (who actually looks a lot like him.) The funeral director said we were going to have a moment of reflection while listening to Hotel California by The Eagles. I thought that was a strange song to have playing while having a moment of reflection! After that we stood to sing the hymn How Great Thou Art (the contrast!) No-one went up to give a reading or anything like that, it was all the funeral director. She read a poem by J.R.R. Tolkien. I can't remember what it was called. Then we all stood while the funeral director commended Charles to his last journey. Then we all filed passed the coffin and then out the door at the front while they played Don't You Forgot About Me by Simple Minds. I didn't think the coffin looked that big. (We were told he'd had to have a coffin especially built for him because he was so big and fat!) These was a replica model of a Charles Hine and Son furniture removals van on top of the coffin, which I thought was a nice touch, and the flowers were the colours of Aston Villa's strip. We went outside and my Mum had a chat with the funeral director, telling her what a lovely service it was. Then she asked me to find Mary. (Mary is my Aunt, she was married to my Mum's step-brother.) So I found her and went up followed by my Mum and Syd. We had a nice chat to Mary and her son, my cousin Paul. We found the toilet and went, and then chatted some more before we set off for the wake. Syd brought the car round so we wouldn't have to walk to where he'd parked it. I saw Nigel Smith who used to go to our church. His Dad was John Smith who used to be a Pastor at our church for a few years before we could get a more permanent pastor. Anyway, Nigel married another of my cousins, so now we're related! We tried to follow someone to the wake, but we lost them. I think we caught up.with them later though. We went through Boley Park, and I caught a fleeting glimpse of the March of the Elephants elephant which is by the Co-op in Boley Park, so I said at least I can say I've seen it! Anyway, we found the place and parked the car. It was at Dunstal Moor golf course and restaurant. We went in, and my Mum and Mary, who came in just after us, went in this small cramped lift, but I took the stairs. We found some seats by a table. The seats were very comfortable. We all had blackcurrant and lemonade. I was right about the food, there was nothing vegan. The sandwiches were either ham or egg, and ofcause they had marge or butter on them, and there was cake, which was obviously made with eggs and butter and sugar. So I didn't have anything to eat. I could see some people playing a round of golf out of the window! We hardly knew anyone! We only knew Mary and Paul, Nigel and his wife and Charles's sister Diane. We saw someone who looked like Pete Stringfellow and someone who looked like Jerry Springer! I was expecting him to say Take care of yourselves, and each other! It was about 3:15pm when my Mum and Syd finished eating and we decided to go home. Some other people were already leaving too. We said goodbye to Nigel and his wife and looked at some pictures of Charles over the years on a table before we went out. We all took the stairs this time. When we got home there was a Royal mail delivery van blocking our drive, so Syd stopped at the side of the road and I got out. The delivery van was already leaving when I crossed the road and entered our house. Both of my parcels were on the doormat! So I went to the toilet and changed my clothes and here I am. In a minute I'm going to get some dinner. I'm going to have a packet of mini cheddars, a mini vegan cake, a mini vegan yoghurt and some pomegranate seeds and a cup of green tea. What have you lot been getting up to today? I hope you are all well. Have a nice rest of the day.