long distance realtionship - what would you do ?

December 2, 2006 12:16pm CST
ive been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now and we take it in turns to see each other. my boyfriend lives in new zealand and me the uk. i go over in the summer and he comes over at christmas time or just after. thing is things have been really rocky lately and at one point we split up bcos we couldnt cope with it any longer. but now we are back together hes saving up to come over just after xmas. hes got half the money for a flight and was relying on a painting job to get the rest of the money together...now hes just found out that the job isnt for that long and hes gonna have to find another one ..which hes finding it really difficult to do. i dont know what to do anymore...i cant carry on if im not going to see him for another 9 months or so. what if he never finds a job? also what if he does and only needs a few hundred dollars to get the flight i shud just lend it him? then he could pay for some of my flight. what would you do ?
8 people like this
158 responses
• Indonesia
2 Dec 06
sorry mate, i don't believe in long distance relationship. this type of relationship is risky and costly. if i were you, i'll find a way so i could be together with my love one or find someone else closer to me.
@Sikh_Boy (230)
• United States
3 Dec 06
yes he is right they r very risky!!! u might wanna tell him that this might not work someone has to move to one country!!:)
@deep408 (116)
• United States
3 Dec 06
exactly. see how he responds if you ask him to move with you. long distance relationships are NEAR impossible. I certainly couldnt carry one. i need the touch and sight, daily basis. If hes struggling now to pay for a flight ticket, is he going to be able to support you in the future?? unstable jobs, painting gigs i imagine? let me know, im here to help!!
• Italy
3 Dec 06
sometimes they work better than those neighbors
• United States
2 Dec 06
Long distance relationships are very tough, I think those who make it through them are the real examples of love. But there is a fine line between love and longing. Two years together and neither you or him have decided to move at least next to each other? What's going on there? I can understand if you both have seperate school or occupational duties, but for two years? That's a long time to have a long distance relationship not really go anywhere. Honestly I would seriously consider moving closer to each other, that would show progress in the relationship and you wouldn't have to worry about financial situations. At least, that's my opinion. Good luck to you artygirl!
2 people like this
2 Dec 06
we are both at university..i finish my degree next june..im planning on moving over there for a year and then when hes finished he is coming over to uk to work
2 people like this
• India
3 Dec 06
i agree with yoour piont of veiw as i also face same problem first we were togehter than he went far for his studies n now we have long distance between us so now he is far fro me
@krizz420 (4387)
• Canada
2 Dec 06
i wouldnt give out any money. long distance never worked for me
2 people like this
2 Dec 06
how come ? what happened ?
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
2 Dec 06
If you can afford to help him, sure and are sure he'll help you. How long are y'all going to do this? Is there any plans for one of you to move? I don't see how you can continue this indefinitely.
2 Dec 06
im planning on going over there (new zealand) september next year after my degree has finished and when ive managed to save up a bit. thats what is so frustrating.. its his last visit till he comes to the uk with me for good.
2 people like this
@remaster74 (4064)
• Greece
2 Dec 06
I'm sorry but most long distance realtionships don't work out. I think you have to consider one of you to move closer to the other. If this is not possible then save your selves from hearting and end it now. It will be better now than later.
2 people like this
2 Dec 06
yes we are moving closer to one another ..next september. im moving to new zealand for a year. unless i quit my degree ..which im in my final year..i cant go over there
2 people like this
@sedel1027 (17850)
• United States
2 Dec 06
If you have the extra money to spend and it will not hurt you paying your bills or make you go without, I would loan him the money. Just make sure that he understands that it s a loan and you expect him to repay you by purchasing the same amount on your next ticket and if he has the money before that, you expect him to pay you back (and if you break up he needs to pay you back).
2 people like this
2 Dec 06
yeh thats good idea..i think that what worries me the most ..that we'll break up and he'll say hes not paying me back.
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Dec 06
i'm currently in this type of relationship. but good for us since its working. we just amke it sure that we communicate everyday. and unlike in your part, we get to see each other every other month so its not really that hard.
2 Dec 06
i wish we could could. i dont know what to do ..i finish uni in like 7 months and can do whatever i want. it just seems a waste. i just cant believe the prices of flights..my flight usually costs £620 at the most...it looks like his is gonna cost like £1000. im just praying he gets a job fast. i cant not see him for 9 months. everyone keeps telling me split up...but its not as easy as that..i wud still miss him and want to talk to him all the time. you cant just turn off your feelings.
2 people like this
@Lugh69 (149)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Wow! You do have a long distance relationship. I feel for you. I've had a couple of them myself. A 5 hour drive turned out too much for mine. It is very hard. You don't see each other much and you spend alot of money when you do so the rest of your life stays in a holding pattern or goes downhill. It would be great if either of you had alot of money to fly back and forth. But my advice is to break it off now no matter how much it hurts. You both will find someone closer and save yourselves much heartache in the long run.
• India
2 Dec 06
I believe in Long Distance relationship very much. I am in it for the last 7 years and me and my Girl friend are both very very happy. I can hardly see her twice or thrice a year but those priceless times are those moments to cheer of for the rest of the year. We are happy and next year we are going to marry. I would just tell you a line...love teaches everthying and time is the best healer...if you belive in your love then nothing can stop you....It mat take some time but dont worry you two will be together soon. Keep faith in god. GOD always helps.
2 Dec 06
thank you ... im glad someone believes in LDRs..haha. everyone is just telling me to break up
2 people like this
@lauczi (964)
• Poland
3 Dec 06
same with me im in such relationship since 2 years and im not gona live him only becuz i cane have him here with me. it wouldnt be love.
2 people like this
• India
3 Dec 06
Do not let your love go away for just others are telling to. Try to believe in it and live in love. Be happy and be really very happy. I am for the last 7 years. And what ends well is all well. Dont be sad or angry for now. Alterations will come in life but love is what to live for.
@psyclone (244)
• Romania
3 Dec 06
Long distance relationship doesntlast to long time. If you love him, just find a way to be toghether
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
3 Dec 06
If there is true love then no need to worry.. when the love is there everything will go fine..long distance relationship is tough.. you gotta know to keep things interesting..love is wonderful dont let it go boring.. long distance or short distance.. love is love..go a head..if you think its true love. ;)
3 Dec 06
hi ..id just like to inform everyone it didnt work out. he wants to split up. im upset..i know its for the best though. he doesnt love me.
• Philippines
3 Dec 06
I'm so sorry to read this. I've read it too late. I guess my comment here is not anymore applicable. Perhaps, as you say it, it is for the best. Take care of yourself and don't let this affect your stature, your health and your studies. Focus on your studies. In just a few months, you;ll be graduating from the university and there's so much ahead of your life.
@srini46 (100)
• India
3 Dec 06
borin!! u can't evn kiss
• Romania
3 Dec 06
Amin for that :P
@kay_24 (26)
2 Dec 06
Hey girl, I feel ur pain! My boyfriend & I have been 2gether 7months now, we used to spend almost every spare minute together for the first 4 months then he got a new job which requires him to work long hours and travel alot, now we only see each other on a saturday which is sooooo difficult and heartbreaking so i can only imagine your pain! I strongly believe that what god has put together no man can part! so for has long as the two of you truly LOVE each other then ur relationship is definitely worth fighting for! I do know its easier said than done but loads & loads of PATIENCE and the thought that you will be with him again soon will carry you through this difficult time. GOOD LUCK!!
3 Dec 06
thank you
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
2 Dec 06
play it cool girl, that's what would keep your sanity :) i've been into LDRs and i know how the distance (and the bills) could drive you crazy. phone calls, flights, so pricy! so if you want to stay in it and go thru it in one piece, relax and just enjoy your relationship. avoid insecurities, too much demands, and haste. those would waste the two of you fast and easy. just love, pray more, and have faith.
2 Dec 06
thank you ..ill try
• United States
2 Dec 06
I know how you feel. I've been in the same situation for years. We see each other every few months, but it's expensive and hard. I love him more than anything, and the world is perfect when we are together. I plan on being with him finally this summer..the sad thing is I have to leave my family/house/state and go to his. One of you just needs to move to where the other one lives.
2 Dec 06
exactly same situation..i have to leave my family too... i mean they annoy me sometimes but when i think im not gonna be able to see them for a year...i dunno. maybe it will make me more independent though ..i know it will be great. thats why i dont wanna split up with my boy now. its just the distance that makes us argue...we are fine once we r together. yeh we have the odd argument but what couples dont ?
• Kuwait
2 Dec 06
long distance relationship are hard to deal with but it works from others, for me i think its not, i cant take my husband away from me in one day,i can't drive here, dont have driving license yet,lol..
2 Dec 06
yeh i think its different for different people. it makes me mad when ppl just tell me to end it ..and that i can find someone nearer
@mkup30 (494)
• United States
6 Dec 06
if you really love him you should stick it through unless you are not strong enough. find an alternative, move in together, have him find a job near you. or find someone else
• United States
6 Dec 06
OK GURL HERES DA THING BASICALLY A LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIP IS ALL ABOUT PATIENCE,LOVE,TRUST,AND HONESTY...PEOPLE THING ITS ALL ABOUT DA KISSES AND HUGZ AND GOIN OUT ALL DA TIME BUT NO NOT REALLY...CUZ BELIEVE IT OR NOT I'M IN A LONG DISTANT RELATIONSHIP WELL FOR ME ITS A LIL LESS DIFFICULT DAN URS CUZ HE ONLY LIVES LIKR 15 OR 20 MINUTES FROM ME BUT I TAKE DA BUS TO SEE HIM SO IT TAKE LIKE ABOUT 45 MIN TO GET THERE...WELL HIS DA BEST THING EVER AND WEN EVER WE HAV DA CHANCE TO SEE EACH OTHER WE MAKE DA DAY SPECIAL AND WE GET TO KISS AND HUG...BUT FOR U ITS HARD YEAH BUT IF U REALLY LUV HIM AND U KNOW U CAN TRUST HIM DAN DONT BREAK IT OFF JUST CUZ ITS A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP CUZ U NEVER KNOW UNTIL U TRY...SO WAT U BEEN SAYIN SOUNDS LIKE U LUV HIM JUST MAKE SURE U GUYZ COMMUNICATE AND ARE OPEN WITH EACH OTHER...AND I AGREE WITH SUM GUY SAID DAT SOUNDS LIKE HE WONT BE ABLE TO SUPPORT U SO HOPE HE DOES GET A JOB BUT I KNOW THINGS WILL BE GOOD JUST HANG IN THEIR...ANYTHIN U NEED U CAN ASK OK..MUAHZZZ TAKE CAREZ *PRINCEZZ*
• Philippines
5 Dec 06
Hi! Your situation is very complicated. Its really very difficult to have a long distance relationship. Just like others have said, its very risky. But, it depends if both of you really love each other. In love, everything is possible but both of you have to exert effort to have a long lasting relationship. Just try another years for your relationship, if it still doesn't work, well, its up to you to decide.
@rikpallav (1242)
• India
4 Dec 06
I would like to say that, there is no issue with the long distance relationship... as long as you are commited and are in touch always... you both also be true in your heart... as you have said that you are in constant touch and come to see each other at some point of time.... I think that should be enough for a realtion to go ahead in future...I also did have a similar issue... my relationship with my Girl friend started and then I have to move off that place to pusue my master degree in univesity at other place...it has only been 2 months in ou relationship... then we have constant touch with each other although for a min or so I used to call her or she used to call me in a day and we can only be able to meet once in a year when I have a vacation...we stayed that way like 3 years and then she also went to some other place to pursue her management degree in some other palce and then 2 years were gone and now... to our delight we a are woking in a same place and living in for past one year... and our relationship turned 6 yrs and we are getting maried by next year end... after everything settles down well... see.. long distance relationship is not that bad...have faith love each other much and enjoy lfe togther