He talks to his ex-wife
By spiritfinger
@spiritfinger (137)
United States
December 2, 2006 1:28pm CST
I can't stand it when my husband talks to his ex-wife. Before he and I were even dating we were living together just as friends and he was talking to her and thinking about getting back together with her. (even after she totally screwed him over).
I love him with all my heart. Should I be jealous of him talking to her? I'm just scared that for some dumb reason he would get back together with her. Even though that would be the stupidest thing he could do. The reason it bothers me so much is because she was his first love, they dated all through high school and then where together for about 3 years afterward. They have a 7 year old together so I'll never be able to be totally rid of her.
10 people like this
136 responses
@loved1 (5328)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Have you let him know how you feel? Maybe he doesn't realize how much this upsets you. If he has any respect for you at all he will limit his conversations with her to a time when they are in the company of others so there will be no suspicion. Does he give you any reason to think he can't be trusted? Does he lie, cheat or steal? If not, then let him know how you feel and give him the benefit of the doubt.
3 people like this
@soldenski (2503)
• United States
2 Dec 06
That's the problem, when you get with someone that has children with a former spouse, they will always have contact with each other. If he is talking to her for other reason's then there is a problem. I would talk to him and if his response does not sit well with you, then leave him. You certainly don't trust him.
2 people like this
@spiritfinger (137)
• United States
2 Dec 06
I want to trust him, I really do. I know that I can't trust her. I've been burned in the past, so trust is sort of hard to come by.
thanks for your comment
2 people like this
@vickilee (136)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Even if they talk for other reasons, there may not be anything to worry about. They were friends for a long, long time, and maybe still are. I was friends with my ex for a long time, but never would have considered getting back together with him.
I believe in being open and honest, and that the best thing to do is have a site down talk with your husband, tell him how you feel and allow him to communicate his feelings about it, too.
Trust in a relationship is critical. And to maintain trust, you have to be able to communicate your feelings with one another.
1 person likes this
@shellip (7)
• United States
3 Dec 06
The real question is do you trust him? It doesnt matter if you trust her or not. If you truly trust him than no matter who he talks to you have to believe he will make the right choices for your relationship. I am an ex-wife and I talk to my ex pretty regularlly. We have a 10 yr daughter, its not like how was your day kind of talk but more in terms of what is going on in her life, school, feelings etc. About 3 times a week we talk on the phone. When we switch her between houses we chat about things, normal stuff but nothing personal. I am with another man & we are having a child, he is with a woman & they seem happy. Its very possible that their conversations are nothing more than catching up on the child and maybe a pleasantry now & again. Remember they were friends too for quite a while, its hard to let go of that even when the relationship goes south. Give it time & see how things go. Letting him know that it bothers you is good, but reassuring him that you trust him is imparitive. Your support of that friendship can only help his child in the future.
2 people like this
@ASoldiersAngel02 (633)
• United States
3 Dec 06
have you tried talking to your husband and telling him your concerns? it might make him feel good to know you feel you can talk to him about that. Its probably nothing to worry over though I completely understand how you feel.
@purrfect1969 (510)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Since they have a child together, they are bound to talk some. You do want the child in his life. My guy doesn't get to see his child from a previous relationship, it hurts him bad. As for the ex, what do they talk about most? The child, the house? I would try to monitor the conversations some. Talk to him about his child, take an active part in the part of his life. Let him know you care. Will he be dumb and leave you for her, one never knows. But if you act all jealous and won't listen when he talks about his child and ex, you will be pushing him towards her faster. Just watch what is going on and let him know how much you love him. Good luck.
2 people like this
@spiritfinger (137)
• United States
2 Dec 06
His son lives with us. My husband has full custody of him.
Thanks for your comment
2 people like this
@JoMo23 (50)
• United States
2 Dec 06
It all depends on how much you trust him. It's 'normal' to be jealous but if you trust your husband to make the right decisions then everything will probably be ok. One thing you don't want to do is bug him about it too much, that may actually drive him away and to her.
@deepika_mona (1338)
• India
3 Dec 06
yes i agree with u she needs pateints n also trust If she have trust than she cant win her husband with love Just need not be more with him share more things n also make him happy
1 person likes this
@superbeeeyatch (688)
• United States
2 Dec 06
Wow! That sounds like a very hard situation to be having. I don't know that I could be in a situation like that. My fear would be that one day they would maybe have a one nighter. I am sorry to be saying this, but I would truely thinkin of getting out of this realationship. You are never going to be rid of the EX only cause of the child they share. To me, there would always be a doubt in my head on the both of them, and I don't think I could live with that. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you chose to do.
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I feel the same way when my husband talks to his ex wife, the only thing with me is he cannot stand her but has to talk to her at times because they have a child together. She calls for the stupidest reasons and then talks and talks. one tome she called to tell him she was in a car accident but there son was not in the car and she was not hurt, but her 5 minute story took about 20. All my husband was saying so nick was not in the car right, then okay well I have to go.. LOL
@robinshood (64)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I don't think that I could be in that situation. But it will be a situation that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life. You should talk to him, and learn to trust him.
@bujjidhadha (115)
• India
3 Dec 06
hmmmmmmmmm why do u wanna marry a already commited guy u stupid u need to suffer the consequence
@theaterjunkie (344)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Don't pay any attention to bujjidhadha, he's obviously very childish and has nothing else to say but to insult people.
You don't get it. He WAS committed. He and his ex-wife got divorced for a REASON. He married this woman for a REASON. If you had a kid in your previous marriage it would be unresponsible and immature to just leave him or her behind.
You're the one that's stupid.
@lucy02 (5016)
• United States
2 Dec 06
If they have children, you're right, she'll always be part of your life. He doesn't have to talk to her about anything else
though. Maybe you could tell him how you feel, but remember they are divorced and he's married to you. That should tell you something.
2 people like this
@Ambur25 (1006)
• United States
3 Dec 06
It's a difficult situation, and I can see where it would bother you. But, try not to get worked up about it until you have a reason to be worked up. They have to have an open communication line between the two of them simpley for the child they have. I think more men should be openly communicating with ex-wifes/mothers of their children.
@avinash_tendulkar (24)
• India
3 Dec 06
@Twrip ,. i think ur right.. rules shd be set
1 person likes this
@prasanta (1948)
• India
3 Dec 06
do you really love your husband? Then do not try to change him. Take it as a rule that he will never be able to forget her. You have to bear with the situation. See rules/laws are there, but human minds do not necesarily always obey that. So, to have a peaceful life, you accept that relationship. Do not be jealous, try to attract him more towards you, but never try to pull him by force.
Let him live his life. You try to stand on your own feet. If ultimately you cannot bear with this man or that woman, divorce him, and start a new life. Do not slow poison yourself with TENSION or ANXIETY (openly or secretly).
All the best!
@ganandoplata (814)
• Chile
3 Dec 06
I would be jealous, for sure. No matter what has happened between them, I would be jealous. Anyway, there is a kid envolved, so as you said, you won´t get rid of her at all!! Those situations make that people can´t just get rid of the other one, forever. Just be calm, just think that he is with you for something, and that they are trying to be good parents. If it bothers you so much, then talk to him and tell him that it kind of gets you jealous, maybe he will tell you something nice and you won´t be jealous any more... good luck!
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
3 Dec 06
you have to deal with your insecurity about this the best way i can think of is for you to tell him about your feelings and lay down some guidelines on how to stop you from being jealous like maybe altho it is alright to talk about thier child and such he shouldnt go talk with her alone in private or late at night except when concerning the child , as long as the child is a minor she will always be in contact with your hubby at least he is a good father
@goldberg641988 (116)
• India
3 Dec 06
MAKE YOUR HUSBAND REALISE YOUR LOVE.HE IS MISSING SOMETHING IN YOU WHICH HE IS LOOKING FOR IN HIS EX WIFE.YOU SHOULD FIND OUT WHAT IS THAT WHICH IS ATTRACTING HIM TOWARDS HIS EX WIFE.WHY HE STILL WANTS TO GET BACK IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS. THIS IS PERHAPS THE ONLY SOLUTION.
