Open Up That Golden Gate! (Mylot Exclusive #1909)

@xander6464 (45099)
Wapello, Iowa
May 7, 2025 12:59am CST
Fifi, my favorite Upstairs Sommelier and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Alcoholic Affairs, surprised me this morning. Instead of the usual seven to twelve minutes late, she gave me my mimosa right on time. Then she surprised me again by saying, "You need to take me out to dinner tonight." "No problem. Where do you want to go? Wendy's? Burger King?" "Those are great choices but I was thinking more along the lines of The Blue Mermaid or Bistro Boudin." "They are both on Fisherman's Wharf! You want me to take you to San Francisco for dinner?" "Wow. You catch on quick. But you're missing one crucial point. It's not so much that I want you to take me to San Francisco. It's more that the Universe, call it God if you want, is ordering you to take me there." "How exactly do you figure that?" "Did you see that your favorite imitation illegal President wants to reopen Alcatraz? "Yeah. So?" "Well, what else could it mean?" "Maybe it just means that Trump has made another stupid move." "What about all the other evidence? I really want a seaside getaway, and it's been forever since you took me anywhere near an ocean. And then, like magic, Alcatraz turns up in the news." "What are you talking about? Three weeks ago, I took you to Hawaii." "I know that three weeks for someone your age feels like 3 seconds but for someone my age, it feels like 30 years. So, we'll split the difference and say it's been 30 years and 3 seconds since you took me to an ocean." "That sounds very fair." "I think so, too. And are wondering why I'm wearing my sailor costume?" "I have been wondering about that." "Well, if we are going to be near the ocean, wouldn't it be wasteful not to do a nautical role-play? You remember how it starts, don't you? 'Good morning, Admiral, are you here to inspect my poop deck and mooring tunnel again?" "OK, you win. Make a reservation at the Blue Mermaid." "I did that over an hour ago. Hotel, too. I made reservations in Napa, too, because the wine cellar is really getting low. I should make you take me to France, but I will just quit while I'm ahead. The dinner reservation is for 8 tonight. It's a four-hour and thirty-minute flight, so we'll get there in plenty of time. We leave in forty minutes." That's why I'm in San Francisco tonight. I really want to tour Alcatraz again before Trump ruins it. ************* Moskowitz Slams Wasteful Plan to Re-Open Alcatraz Congressman Jared Moskowitz
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5 people like this
5 responses
@FourWalls (74754)
• United States
7 May
I saw a great spoof from the Babylon Bee that said he’s also going to reopen the Jo-Ann Fabric Shops as prisons. Maybe he could also re-open Stalag 13 because nobody ever escaped from there, too.
3 people like this
@FourWalls (74754)
• United States
10 May
@xander6464 — he makes Klink look like a genius, I’ll give him that.
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 May
I'm expecting him to watch "Schindler's List" on the Late Show and announce that he's reopening Kraków Ghetto. But Stalag 13 would be much funnier.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
13 May
@FourWalls — he makes Klink look like a genius, I’ll give him that. -----------He also makes Klink look brave. Instead of getting bone spurs, Col. Klink served in two world wars.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (49623)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
7 May
It all sounds reasonable to me.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 May
I hope he goes to Disney next and orders them to reopen Splash Mountain. And then he go to Detroit and bring back the Edsel.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (49623)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
10 May
@xander6464 Now that was as car! designed by committee... drinking margharittas and eating magic mushrooms...
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
13 May
@BarBaraPrz That sounds like the same committee Trump gets economic advice from.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (144112)
• Roseburg, Oregon
7 May
We are going to the ocean next month.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 May
Which one? Pacific? Atlantic? Indian?
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (85096)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
7 May
Shall we sing? San Francisco, open your golden gate You'll let nobody wait outside your door San Francisco, here is your wanderin' one Saying I'll wander no more And when Trump wanders over to see Alcatraz we lock him up!
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 May
I love that idea. With his shark phobia, he won't even try to escape.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (85096)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
10 May
1 person likes this
• Northampton, England
8 May
The guy is losing it.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (45099)
• Wapello, Iowa
10 May
He got this idea from watching "Escape From Alcatraz" on TV, so now we have to worry every time he sees a movie.