Open Up That Golden Gate! (Mylot Exclusive #1909)

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Fifi, my favorite Upstairs Sommelier and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Alcoholic Affairs, surprised me this morning. Instead of the usual seven to twelve minutes late, she gave me my mimosa right on time. Then she surprised me again by saying, "You need to take me out to dinner tonight." "No problem. Where do you want to go? Wendy's? Burger King?" "Those are great choices but I was thinking more along the lines of The Blue Mermaid or Bistro Boudin." "They are both on Fisherman's Wharf! You want me to take you to San Francisco for dinner?" "Wow. You catch on quick. But you're missing one crucial point. It's not so much that I want you to take me to San Francisco. It's more that the Universe, call it God if you want, is ordering you to take me there." "How exactly do you figure that?" "Did you see that your favorite imitation illegal President wants to reopen Alcatraz? "Yeah. So?" "Well, what else could it mean?" "Maybe it just means that Trump has made another stupid move." "What about all the other evidence? I really want a seaside getaway, and it's been forever since you took me anywhere near an ocean. And then, like magic, Alcatraz turns up in the news." "What are you talking about? Three weeks ago, I took you to Hawaii." "I know that three weeks for someone your age feels like 3 seconds but for someone my age, it feels like 30 years. So, we'll split the difference and say it's been 30 years and 3 seconds since you took me to an ocean." "That sounds very fair." "I think so, too. And are wondering why I'm wearing my sailor costume?" "I have been wondering about that." "Well, if we are going to be near the ocean, wouldn't it be wasteful not to do a nautical role-play? You remember how it starts, don't you? 'Good morning, Admiral, are you here to inspect my poop deck and mooring tunnel again?" "OK, you win. Make a reservation at the Blue Mermaid." "I did that over an hour ago. Hotel, too. I made reservations in Napa, too, because the wine cellar is really getting low. I should make you take me to France, but I will just quit while I'm ahead. The dinner reservation is for 8 tonight. It's a four-hour and thirty-minute flight, so we'll get there in plenty of time. We leave in forty minutes." That's why I'm in San Francisco tonight. I really want to tour Alcatraz again before Trump ruins it. ************* Moskowitz Slams Wasteful Plan to Re-Open Alcatraz Congressman Jared Moskowitz