Who'll Cause The Rain? (Mylot Exclusive #1934)

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“All is not lost, the unconquerable will, and study of revenge, immortal hate, and the courage never to submit or yield.” -------John Milton, Paradise Lost As some of you, my 226.4 Billion Loyal Dedicated Daily Readers know, I like to place an occasional bet. Just for fun. And I'm very careful. Despite what my critics claim, I do listen when many people come to me and say, "Sir, gambling is very dangerous and highly addictive. It often leads to gloom, despair, agony, poverty and divorce. In many cases, it also has been known to cause deep, dark depression and excessive misery." Let's demolish that argument in (mostly) reverse order. I got divorced a long time ago and have been single for most of my 31 years, so that one doesn't apply to me. As for gloom, despair and agony, did I mention that I was married for eight years ((Hey MAGA, if you really want to protect the sanctity of marriage, leave Gay people alone and make it illegal for me to get married again. You love giving your stupid laws stupid names, so why not call it "The One Strike And You're OUT! Law?"))? So, I am fully immune to gloom, despair, agony, deep dark depression and excessive misery, because I have been exposed to so much of it. It's like being bitten by a cobra or contracting COVID. It's scary and painful the first time, but if you survive, after that, it's no big deal." "What about poverty, Sir?" I am still just barely a multi-trillionaire and I've adjusted well to it. So that one doesn't scare me, either. But...And, if I may say so, your butt is looking especially attractive, today. "You may say so. It's kind of a relief. We've been talking for nearly five minutes and I was starting to fear that you had gone blind or something because you hadn't mentioned it yet. Now that I know your little one-track mind hasn't derailed and you're safe, you can look and comment all you want but remember, no touching. Until after we finish working." That "No Touching Until The Work Is Done" rule sounds like an illegal leftover from the President Barack Hussein Obama II Administration. But that's OK. He hates me, and I'm good with it. "That's very clever, Sir. But could you get back to your main plot thread, which is gambling? Quickly, please, while 3% of your audience is still awake." Oh yeah, right. Gambling. As I said, I like to place an occasional bet, blah blah, blah, and that's why I'm going to Vegas in the morning. So I can, very legally, bet on God making the Trump Enemies List. Why would God be on DonOld's Wrath Watchlist? Well, because it might rain on Trump's Parade this Saturday and everyone knows it would be God's fault. And it will make Donny sad. So sad, that he has vowed to smite anyone who dares to mess with his special day ((Trump Threatens To Punish ANYONE Who Ruins His Saturday Birthday Parade, Video Linked Below)). That's why I am praying for big storms on Saturday to wreck, shorten or outright cancel the big DonOld Parade. But I'm not stopping at prayer. I also went to the Jiggly Room, my favorite local ballet company, and commissioned several Rain Lap Dances. A Rain Lap Dance isn't what you think it is. Unless you're thinking that it's a regular lap dance with a lot more moisture, in which case, it is exactly what you think it is. Long story short, I really want yuge storms on Saturday. Because not only will Trump be angry, he will also be very strongly frustrated. Because how do you get even with God? It's doubly hard when you have no operatives in Heaven because no MAGAT has ever entered the Pearly Gates. All the Trump supporters are in Hell. With any luck at all, all that anger and frustration will reunite him with all his supporters in Hell. Before the inevitable widow making stroke or heart attack, we will get to enjoy all the "God Is Unfair to Trump" and "Heaven Hates MAGA" Tweets. There, is that enough? It is? Excellent! I declare this workday finished! Let the touching begin! With that in mind, let's go to earlier tonight, to see what the Cosmic Universal Anthem Illegal Vengence Threat Of The Month Club Anthem Illegal Vengence Threat For today is. ************* Trump Threatens To Punish ANYONE Who Ruins His Saturday Birthday Parade