Real Disease Or New Publicity Stunt? (Mylot Exclusve #1963)

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Good Morning, Radio Rangers. Sorry about being a little late but as soon as I explain why, you'll understand why there was no way around it. It started as soon as I got up. That's when I found out that my friend, Donny Dolittle has been diagnosed with a chronic disease ((President Trump diagnosed with chronic vein condition tied to leg swelling, Article Linked Below)). I had to be polite and send a card. It wasn't a big deal at all until I went down to my office and discovered that I was totally out of "Get Dead Soon" cards, so I had to go into town. When I got home, I found out that I was out of stamps. So, back to Druckers' I went. Now, I was all set. Until I was told that Connie Francis died yesterday. So now, I needed sympathy cards, and guess what? Back to Druckers.' This time, Sam greeted me with, "You back again? Are you trying to set a record or something?" "No, Sam. It's just that every time I get home, I find something else I need, and this time, it's sympathy cards." "Oh, you found out about Connie Francis, huh?" I got the cards and was finally sure that this was the last time I would have to go to town today. That feeling lasted all the way home. Then, very shortly after I arrived, Fifi, my favorite Upstairs Sommelier and Chief Executive Vice President In Charge Of Alcoholic Affairs, said, "We're out of vermouth." I said, "It's no big deal, just use Port or red wine. They both work as vermouth substitutes." "Well, that it would work if I were an amateur hack instead of a conscientious, well trained professional. So just go get the vermouth. Remember, if you had taken me to Paris on le 14 Juillet like you promised, we'd still be there and I wouldn't need vermouth." If I had a nickel for every complaint I've heard about being here on Bastille Day, I wouldn't need this lousy job! That's why I'm a few minutes late today. With that in mind, let's go to earlier tonight, to see what the Cosmic Universal Anthem Closer Look And Chronic Disease Of The Month Club Anthem Closer Look And Chronic Disease is for today. Some of you, my 226.4 Billion Loyal Dedicated Readers, are probably wondering why there's no Cosmic Universal Anthem Song for today. I have to admit that it's entirely my own staff's fault. There was a big mix-up in Accounting. The good news is that the "Get Dead Soon" and sympathy cards are in the mail. ************* MAGA in Turmoil Over Epstein; Trump Slams His Own Base, Won't Appoint Special Counsel: A Closer Look Late Night with Seth Meyers 5.03M subscribers -------------- USA TODAY President Trump diagnosed with chronic vein condition tied to leg swelling Story by Joey Garrison, USA TODAY • 3h • https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/other/president-trump-diagnosed-with-chronic-vein-condition-tied-to-leg-swelling/ar-AA1INJf0?ocid=BingNewsSerp