My brother

@sissy15 (13400)
United States
August 30, 2026 1:51am CST
It has been a while since I've talked about this particular subject, but as some people may or may not remember, I have an older brother who is an alcoholic. My mom has always babied him and enabled him. She hates the idea of him living on the street. When we lived together, she kept letting my brother stay with us because she paid the rent even though we paid for all of the utilities, which were more than the rent (our gas and electric can be insane here). My brother never had to pay a dime. I would get frustrated because the rent never went up while he was here, but the utilities did. My brother is the reason we had to leave the apartment. He got loud, and he wasn't on the lease, and he couldn't be on the lease because of his record. My mom made us help pay for our early departure that my brother caused. I did it because of everything my mother has done for us, but I get frustrated thinking about all of the issues he has caused and how she allows it. My brother wasn't always this bad. He used to be a functional alcoholic who worked and stayed out of trouble, but when his stepson died by suicide about ten years ago, he lost his mind. He used it as the final excuse to completely lose it. His daughter wants nothing to do with him, and neither does anyone besides my mom. It started off small with him getting a DUI, and it progressed from there with him stealing my mom's car. He stole my mom's car about five times, give or take. He managed to drive it to Tennessee (we live in Ohio), where he was pulled over and tried to run. He was in jail there for six months, and when he was released, he immediately tried to steal someone else's car, but there were children in the car, and he realized that and jumped out and ran. He was fortunate that time he didn't get a felony. He went back to jail for another six months and managed to make it back to Ohio, where he went to jail for several months for the charges here. He messed up again and went to prison this last time for almost two years. He was released, learned nothing, and started drinking and doing weed again. He got my mom kicked out of her last apartment, and they had to move to a house near the university, where he started harassing college kids (I'm guessing he probably was bugging them for alcohol) and starting fights again. My sister, who manages my mom's money and takes care of my mom, gave him thirty days to get out because, once again, the landlord had to get involved and my mom can't afford to have to move again. My brother literally only has to stay out of trouble, and he would have it made, but he can't even manage that. He is constantly getting himself into trouble and has had all of the help offered to him, but he always messes it up. My brother has to have some mental health issues, but my family always refuses to believe he needs medication or mental help. We were once made to feel bad for calling him in when he had a warrant out for his arrest because he tried to steal my mom's car keys, and he was caught. My husband hates my brother and rightfully so. We were made to tolerate him for a long time, and he used us. He ate all of our food and lived with us rent-free because of my mom, and then had the audacity to gripe about how we were here. My mom explained to him on repeat that we were the reason we could afford the house, and if we moved out, she couldn't afford it. He still acted like he owned the place and constantly turned things on and raised the electricity bill that we paid for. He took over my mom's TV, and she let him. He stressed her out, but she allowed him to stay. He hated that we were here and repeatedly tried to make us feel uncomfortable. Eventually, my mom moved out, and we took over the rent too. Now that my brother is being kicked out of my mom's, we are worried he may try to come back here and break in. He would have the audacity to ask us too, even knowing everything he did to us, and knowing how much he hates my husband and my husband hates him. He refuses to get and keep a job. I love my brother, but I don't like him, and I won't be helping him or enabling him. He needs to get it together. He needs mental help, and he'll never get it if my mom continues to keep him. I always told my mom that he will never remain homeless because one of two things will happen: he'll be forced to get and keep a job for survival or he'll do something stupid again and end up in prison. This is the short version of everything; there is a lot more to it. He can't stay out of trouble. He has burned all of his bridges. He has had a ton of help and always messes it up. The only way he'll get it together is by everyone refusing to help him any longer until he wants it and is ready for it.
2 people like this
1 response
@Wrexxo (6217)
3h
that's exhausting to live through, and it's okay to love him and still be completely done being used by him. You're not the bad guy for protecting your peace and your home.. your mom's the one who keeps choosing his comfort over yours. Hope you and your husband can hold the line if he comes knocking, you deserve a break from all this.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (13400)
• United States
2h
Thank you. I don't think we'll have any issues saying no; I'm more worried about him breaking in. We are considering getting security cameras. We also don't want our son home alone once he is officially out of my mom's house because we don't want him put in a situation where he has to deal with my brother. I don't think my brother would hurt my son, but I honestly don't know, and I don't want to find out.