The Workforce and My Son

@icequeen (2841)
Canada
December 3, 2006 12:29pm CST
Here's my problem. My son is now 14. My boyfriend wants him to get a job, however..I feel he is too young yet. I would like him to concentrate on school and getting good grades. I think that he has plenty of time to be forced into the workforce. The problem is that my boyfriend won't let it go. We has agreed that he will wait at least another year...but he keeps bringing it up and it is making me mad. My son got a small job at the local video store, but it may just be for the day...and I think that is enough for now. Do you think that I am right..and how do I get my boyfriend to lay off of me about it?
36 people like this
315 responses
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
3 Dec 06
Is this his son also? If not, he really doesn't have a lot to say about it. Why does he want him to get a job? Is your son constantly asking you for money for things that he doesn't really need? I mean, he's only 14, it's not like he needs gas for the car every day. Does he want him to get a job so that your son is not around as much? Is he trying to get rid of him? I don't know about where you are, but in the US, it's hard for a kid under 16 to get a job, there are too many labor laws and it makes it hard on the employer. I say let you son be a kid for a while longer. Once he's driving and dating he'll need money and should get a real job - if his grades allow time for that. School should come first, though. Good Luck!
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
3 Dec 06
Well I just have to add that my son wants to work too..but I think that is only because he doesn't want us spending money on him..because we are like every family and sometimes money is tight...To answer your questions: This is my boyfriends step-son. He feels he should have his own money...However..my son rarely asks for money..and feels bad when we give him money. He sees how hard my boyfriend works and I think that bothers him. I am sure it is not because he doesn't want him around..he loves my son like he is his own. We live in Canada..so it is different here... Thank you for your comments...and your opinion and I still agree that he should wait and enjoy being a kid...for a while longer...
5 people like this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Can he do odd jobs around the neighborhood? Running errands for the elderly? Shoveling snow? Tutoring maybe? Those will all give him a sense of responsibility and some spending money without taking up too much time.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
4 Dec 06
He is a little young to be working but if he wants to I would let him as long as it doesn't let it interfere with his school work. I am concerned about why your boyfriend is pushing it though. I would tell him that this is between my son and I and to butt out.
• China
4 Dec 06
yes
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Dec 06
Does your child have any chores to make some spending money. I feel it's inportent for a child to learn the value of a dollar early in life. But I do agree school his education getting good grades is the most inportent thing right now learning good study habbits and knowing if he studys hard now and gets good grades goes onto college he will then move very quickly through the work force to a higher possition. I would tell your boyfriend to relax alittle bit.
4 people like this
@leilani47 (780)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think you're right. Your son is a little too young to get a job. I'm like you, I would rather my children concencrate on school. They will have a lot of time to work.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I don't know...I have a son turning 14 this year and he would love to work somewhere for a few hours a week for some spending or saving funds. The summers are brutal with kids that are too young to work, but don't have enough to do at home at his age. I wouldn't want him to work more than a few hours a week or maybe a weekend but he spends time playing hockey too so a job seems like a good idea for him, since he has balanced school and sports for several years now. It's really one of those questions about whether each teen is ready and what the job is
3 people like this
@Kackie3 (345)
• United States
4 Dec 06
This is true, some teens are more mature than others at that age and can handle the balance of different things going on in their lives. There are little odds and ends jobs a 14 year old could do to make a little money for himself. If you live where there is snow..snow shoveling for elderly people is good. Running errands for others is another good way to earn a little money, and it doesn't have to be a daily workforce type of job. That is how my kids earned their money when they were that age, and it gave them a little freedom and a little money to do with what they wanted.
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
3 Dec 06
is your boyfriend the father of your son? if not, then he doesnt really have any right to make rules for him. but i agree that 14 is too young to have a job. i think he should wait til he's at least 16. what is your boyfriend's reasoning for wanting your son to get a job...responsibility, money? you can give him chores in the house to teach him responsibility and maybe he can get odd jobs like mowing the lawn or babysitting or pet sitting for a bit of extra cash.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
If the boyfriend is helping to raise ths son then he does have a say in my opinion. 15 years old is fine for a kid to get a part time job. I was working before that age. I think it gets a kid of to a good start.
• United States
4 Dec 06
He is your son not your boyfriends. You have to make the decision. If your boyfriend doens't respect that well that might just be a sign of things to come. If the father is around then he must be involved in the decision not the boyfriend
@brettbum (304)
• United States
4 Dec 06
You have several things to consider 1. Does your boyfriend have the right to provide input or not? We can't figure this out for you. If he doesn't then tell him so plainly and deal with the repurcussions openly. If he does, then you have to work through the situation with everyone. 2. I'm from the US and have been working since I was 10. Did it detract from school? Not until I turned 16 and had a car which made it easier to earn more and spend more. That said, I was also very good in school and grew up in a family business where the whole family worked all the time (even though after I turned 16 my jobs were outside the family business). I went from high school into the military (accepted to many colleges but no money for it) and later went to college after the military. I went on to get a double major in accounting and finance and later a Master's in Laws. I'm 34 and have been working for 24 years now. That experience even in my teens was very important for creating my work ethic today. It doesn't work for everyone however. You must consider your son and talk to him about his strengths and weaknesses and determine if he is capable of going to college -some kids are not. Starting work now might be the best thing he ever did. If he wants to go to college, I'd suggest taking at least 50% of his earnings and putting it into a college fund that can not be spent until he completes his Sophomore year of college. many kids drink their way out of college in the first semester so don't send him off to school with a bankroll eating a hole in his pocket. On a separate note, there are some great ways to earn money online. Tell him to skip the part time job and tell him to learn how to start his own business on the net. He can then make just as much money as he would with a part time job and learn some technology skills that will take him a long way in life. He need not have any web skills now. They can be learned rapidly and he is young enough that he can reinforce the skills with free classes and clubs at schools. I have a much younger cousin that did this and by 16 was designing his high school's web page. By 18 he was working part time earning $40k per year and his company paid his tuition to go to college. Your son my learn something flipping burgers at McDonalds, but he might learn much more if he learns how to run his own business successfully!
• United States
4 Dec 06
Your 14 year old son is "Your" responsibility and not the boyfriends. Tell the boy friend to "get over it" or get out. You should not have to put up with this kind of attitude from the boy friend. He is not much of a friend is he. Your son has enough to go through without all of that. I would suggest that the Young man wait until he is atleat 16 before I would even suggest that he may want to get a J-O-B outside the home. Take care of you and your son. I am the GrandFather of 8 granKids. They are the Grandest too!
3 people like this
@owlwings (43253)
• Cambridge, England
4 Dec 06
I think granddaddy is being a little harsh here. Assuming that you are in a permanent relationship and co-habiting with your boyfriend, you may have agreed that you and he share responsibility for your son's upbringing. What does your son's dad think? Or is he not a factor in the equation.
2 people like this
• Austria
4 Dec 06
You have all rights to exercise your being a mother to your son. He is just your boyfriend and not your son's father. In this matter, he has no right to force you or your son to get a job. I dont know about your labor laws in your area. But maybe this is punishable by laws under child labor. You better talk to him about legalities and you have to be strong enaough to protect your own son. good luck!
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree with you, the boyfriend has no rights and 14 is too young in most states to go into the work force.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Dec 06
that is has to do with you and your son not your boyfriend i think he is to young but he could help you around the house and you could pay him I didn't have my first job until i was 16
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
yup, what's a good idea...
3 people like this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think you are right. I don't know if I want my kids to work at all until they are completely done with school. Tell your boyfriend to butt out!
3 people like this
@malcido (422)
• United States
4 Dec 06
If your son wants to get a job and his grades are good, why not allow him to? I would do so, but on the condition that school comes first and if his grades begin to suffer he will have to quit or drop some hours.
@sarah22 (3980)
• United States
4 Dec 06
well, your right his school work should come first. he can always get work when hes done. i think that if he really wanted to earn some money. go and cut peoples lawns on the weekend or wash some cars. thats what i did for extra cash and i still had the time for school work. wothout an education it would be harder for him later on.best of luck
• United States
4 Dec 06
I would say your son is to young to get a job. He needs to concentrate on school. When he's 16, then you should consider him getting a job.
3 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
If he isn't the boyfriends son then the boyfriend needs to be put in his place. It is none of his business. I would get rid of the boyfriend before I let him over ride what you think is best for your son.
3 people like this
@cdirock (289)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree with you. Your son is too young to get a job and the most important thing for him now is school. I'm sure he isn't even in high school yet. If he wants him to get a job.. maybe he can do chores around the house or babysit the kids in the neighborhood. Just a thought.
@crankycool (1052)
• India
4 Dec 06
If your son is also willing to work then it is advisable to get him a job which will not bee too sapping on him and on the same time which will get him enough money for him to spend. Something like helping with the groceries or teaching the neighborhood children or maybe raking leaves or something of that kind. I think, him working in a store or some other place is too sapping and he is too young for it.
2 people like this
@Judobird (88)
4 Dec 06
I didn't get my first job until I was 16, just as I left compulsary education (I am from the UK) and I knew some people who got jobs from 13-14 sort of age just because they wanted extra money to the allowance that their parents gave them, and suddenly their childhood seemed to just disappear overnight, they could no longer socialise or go out on a saturday just because they had confined themselves to washing dishes in a pub or something like that at such an early age. I think 16 is a reasonable age to get a job, although it is different in the UK I found that getting a job just as my compulsary education came to an end benefitted me with my further education, I only did 8 hours a week in a shop on a saturday but at that age it meant I did learn the value of money and how hard it can be to earn it, but I don't have my childhood memories clouded with memories of a bad job because that was all I could get or something. Now I am at university...and I must confess I don't have a job, but then again I am doing a degree in Law...and I don't have a lot of free time. But at the end of the day it is your sons choice, you just need to regulate the amount he does. If he truly wants to get a job then let him, just dont let him work a silly amount of hours. Maybe a couple of hours a week would benefit his understanding of the world without impeeding his childhood.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
wish I had that problem, my stepsons have NO qualms about asking me for money, for loans, to buy them cars & trucks... and they got jobs! Anyways back to your "problem" sounds like your son WANTS to work and your boyfriend may just be supporting the boy's decision to get a small part time job, I say let him do it but keep close eye on the grades. If the grades slip the job goes however if he proves he can handle school AND work let him grow.
2 people like this
• India
4 Dec 06
i think 14 is too young to work and let him study well, get good grades because career is more important than money..
2 people like this
• India
4 Dec 06
i dont see why u r boy friend is fussing abt it.... if u want u r son to be responsible, there are other ways by which u can make him a responsible guy.... i think u r son's feature should come first before anything....
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Dec 06
your son is too young to work. at his age, he is still a child. And children should be enjoying their childhood. Childhood, once lost, every tick of the clock, can never be regained. it's forever lost.
2 people like this