Eye contact with strangers - safe or not safe for a woman

@Tanya8 (1733)
Canada
December 3, 2006 5:42pm CST
I used to assist with the running of a self-defense/assertiveness program for young women, and disagreed with one of the exercises. The woman in charge of the program, thought it was important for women to practice making non-smiling, eye contact with strangers, so that they would look less like a potential victim. I feel that looking an unknown man in the eye with a serious expression looks like a challenge, and is probably more risky. What do you think?
1 person likes this
25 responses
@mkirby624 (1598)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I think the woman in charge is right. It doesn't look like a challenge, it looks like you are saying "I am not afraid, I am not intimidated" Attackers look for someone more vulnerable and less likely to fight back. If you give off a confident air, then the person may pass you over because he'll see you as difficult.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree with you. It's a shame that men can make us so scared of them. But, you must look like you are in charge, to hopefully keep the sickies away.
@jmcafam (2890)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I agree.If you look away bow your head it may look vulnerable to others.So head up and look in charge of yourself and body.
@divir_vij (1591)
• India
8 Dec 06
Agreed.
@misskatonic (3723)
• United States
4 Dec 06
It is definitely best for women to make eye contact. It gives the unconcious and instincual message that the woman is confident and a potential threat if harrassed. Predators who prey on women look for meek, non-threatening women to prey on. It's also best to walk with head up and to never, ever look as though you're lost. You need to give the impression that you're in control, you're confident and not show any weakness.
@Tanya8 (1733)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
Well, I'm definitely reconsidering my view. I just put this comment here, but it's directed at everyone who responded as well. Thanks for giving me something to think about.
• United States
8 Dec 06
Your more than welcome! I went to college for abnormal criminal psychology, and we went over 'ways to detour predators', and those were all big tips they listed. As well as things like talking on a cell phone while walking at night/while alone, or even just pretending to talk on a cell phone. If an attacker knows you're in contact with someone, that makes it too risky to attack.
@engrzia (1020)
• South Korea
8 Dec 06
Well for me its the religion that very clearly teach the followers to avoid eye contact or whatever contact with girls/ladies who are strange to you. So i belive that 100% that its logical and it is the starting and main cause of most of ours social problems. The thing that is to be kept in mind is that one should respect all the ladies either strangers or belong to his own family. For other type of feelings and romance there is specific relation of wife. So being Humanbeings we should follow a respectable life style so that we can establish an overall peacefull society. Wish you a happy life.. :) its me ZIA from PAKISTAN...
@Tanya8 (1733)
• Canada
9 Dec 06
I'm noticing that more women are saying, "yes, you should look men in the eyes", and more men are saying "no, you shouldn't". I realize this may be for cultural reasons, but it would be interesting to get more input from men. I asked my husband about it, and he said he gets a bit irritated when women react to him as though he's a rapist or child molestor. He'd rather they either say a friendly hello (which is common in our relatively safe neighborhood) or look elsewhere. I guess saftey overrules the possibility of accidentally offending a law abiding man, but he wasn't able to say whether a woman looking away seemed more vulnerable, because he has no inclination to attack anyone.
@rosey2006 (945)
• United States
3 Dec 06
I went to a truck driving school and was told the same thing. I had to thank about it for awhile, but they are right. When you look down when someone approches you, they think you are an easy target.
@Tanya8 (1733)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
What do you think about keeping your head and eyes up, walking assertively but not looking? I've tried both ways (eye contact and no eye contact), and I sometimes get unwanted attention when I make eye contact. It's possible that the unwanted attention may have happened no matter what I was doing though.
@pratew3y (1893)
• India
4 Jan 07
well there is no problem or eye contact with a stranger since it does not harm anyone with it
@xphile777 (427)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I can only respond from personal experience. First, let me preface this by saying when I have PMS and those evil little testosterone hormones are being overproduced, I'm in a highly aggressive frame of mind. I've frequently been told I scare people when this happens, so maybe that's why I've gotten the results I have. Anyhow, when walking down the street on more than one occasion, I've had men make eye contact with me in a definite "I'm sizing you up to see if you're a suitable victim" fashion. Ironically, each time it's happened, I've had PMS and was already in the mood to kill anyone for just saying "hello" to me. :P So, I've looked them back directly in the eye -- and yes, it was a challenge, but it was *me* challenging them. In every instance they quickly broke eye contact and looked down or looked away and continued on their way. One guy who'd been giving me the evil eye even started mumbling and whining. Don't get me wrong. I love men. I'm a friendly person (but it is a good idea to stay on my good side when I have my period. :P) and I'm not a violent person. I usually don't initiate eye contact with strangers, but when they initiate it, I give them a look that plainly sends the message that if they even approach my personal space I'll rip their balls off with my bare hands and shove them down their throats. It's the same principle that applies with animals in the wild: In most cases you never show fear to a predator because that equals weakness to them and provokes them to attack. It's also basic human psychology. If a human predator thinks you're not afraid of him and are capable of fighting him, he'll leave you alone and look for an easier victim to overpower and dominate. It's about domination and power, and you take that away when you let them know that you are the dominate one, not them.
@prncesssly (1373)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I always make eye contact with people... I neve feel threatened or anything... And i guess it shows that i'm not threatened or easily scared. I think it's a good idea to make eye contact.
• United States
8 Dec 06
I usually avoid eye contact with strangers because I feel like it is a invitation to approach you. Today I was Christmas shopping with my 9 month old son in Toys r us and I went down a back row where baby toys were. There was a guy there that looked shady and he stood as if to trap me in the aisle. I pushed ahead right towards him with the cart, fast, almost bumping him out of my way and got a chill down my back right before I got back in the main aisle. It is sad and scary to think that a woman has to be frightened of people in broad day light, frightened for her children's and her safety.
@divir_vij (1591)
• India
8 Dec 06
Sometimes it could be misinterpreted and it could be understood more as an invitation to the other person. So it has some potential risks too.
@neer22 (121)
• India
8 Dec 06
ut depends on self control & cultar of the place. types of friends also make impact.without risk life is boring also.
• United States
8 Dec 06
I don't normally look strangers in the eye. I'm a shy person. I don't think it would matter much anyhow.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Ive been brought up to look people in the eye when speaking to them. Even my teachers were on us about it. So Im not sure because I am so use to doing it.
• Philippines
4 Dec 06
Making eyes with a stranger for no reason is wrong, specially for women. because having an eye contact with stranger will put yourself at risk; you do not know who you are making eyes with.
• Saint Lucia
4 Dec 06
what you are saying is true. i'd rather not to look at all
4 Dec 06
I don't think it's a challenge at all. I think having confidence to make eye contact is a good thing as long as you don't do it too much and make the person think you are interested in them. I find the best way to be confident is to hold your head up. If you are looking down you look less confident but with your head up you look self assured which can make a big difference.
@kaspyv (1011)
• United States
4 Dec 06
chances are that when you look someone in the eye they will be less likely to think about trying anything with you. It just lets them know, as everyone has said, that you are not intimidated. It gives the appearance of being confident and in control.
@pusibaba (1010)
• India
4 Dec 06
i think its not safe fo the woman
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think that there are times when you should and times when you shouldn't look men in the eyes. I think that if they are servicing you at a restaraunt or such or if they are interviewing you for a job then you should look them in the eye. Otherwise I don't think that you should look a guy in the eye.
• Romania
4 Dec 06
Yap...like a flirt... keeps you in shape.. not a bad idea at all!!!I like it....
@cindyg68 (22)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I have pondered over this one as well. I think it depends on how one gives "the look." I mean eye contact is also the first thing when one is attracted to another right? I think if a woman looks at someone as if she's confident, strong, going where she's going rather than in a timid and afraid way or some sultry way(can't imagine that in this instance???) then yes, it would give the air of confidence which is the point wanted to be taken. If a woman cannot do this however then I say she needs to just walk straight ahead with her eyes forward and ignore yet stand straight and at least "act" confident. I do feel a man...sadly a man who would be on the other end and who I wouldn't really want to hear from....would be the one to give the true and best answer to this question.