Age difference

Australia
December 3, 2006 6:10pm CST
Do you think a big age difference is detrimental to a happy marriage? Many couples have an age difference of five or so years, with the man older than the woman. Do you think a gap of 10-20 years is too much? What when she is older than he? One of the happiest married couples I have known is one where the husband (whose first wife had died) married a lady who was younger than one of his grandaughters. They were devoted for many years until his death at about 93 years old. What has been your experience?
8 people like this
62 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
14 Dec 06
No I do not believe it makes a difference My Love is 13 years older then me and he is the best I could ever ask for He treats me wonderful and I know the real meaning of someone caring for me looking out for me loving me and being there for me
2 people like this
• Australia
10 Jan 07
I'm so pleased to hear that! But then, how could anyone NOT be like that to you?!
1 person likes this
@shirgie (230)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think it is probably less likely to work out when the woman is much older. My sister 55 yo just married a 45 yo man. Hopefully, they will be very happy but I have already noticed that he is doing a lot of commenting on younger attractive gals on the t.v. She doesn't like that at all. Only time will tell how this true life story works out. They seem very happy overall.
@ipanks (890)
• Indonesia
4 Dec 06
i think gap is not important as long as the couple understand each other.love will guide them to reach happyness
1 person likes this
• India
4 Dec 06
coupple - the happiest moment in life for anybody who got married.
not really,but it also depends,if the age gap is more the thinking may differ to one another and this gap can be enough to make a big difference in their personal life.more than enything understanding is more important than any other thing.let us keep it sweet.
1 person likes this
@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
21 Feb 07
My parents are 11 years apart, with my dad being the older of the two. They met while my dad was in prison. Interestly, my mom was in prison ministry and my dad became a born again Christian while in prison! My mom's parents weren't real happy about her deciding to marry an ex-con! Well, they've been happily married for over 30 years and I think they fall more and more in love every year! I would also point out that my mom was in her early 20's when they started dating and my dad was in his early 30's... which I think makes a huge difference, in that they weren't 14 and 25! I think the older you get the less it matters.
• Australia
23 Feb 07
Thanks for sharing that. What a testimony to the power of God in changing lives! I know the same story is repeated over and over again, but we always marvel at His goodness. I love to sit back and wonder what would have become of me had the Lord not called me and changed my life so completely! Your parents set a good example for you to follow and I'm sure you are thankful.
• France
4 Dec 06
I think that a big difference is not detrimental to a happy marriage if we love the person who we want to marry. Because we are all the same humans but there is a gap between the 2 ways of life. It seems difficult but If we love.... Sorry for my english, I'm french...
1 person likes this
@claudia413 (4280)
• United States
6 Dec 06
Age does not make a difference...maturity does. My first husband was 3 years older than I was and very immature. We were only married 7 years when we divorced. I figured raising 2 kids was enough and didn't intend to raise 3 (including him). My second husband and I have been married 28 years, and he is 7 years younger than I am. He is very considerate and a great guy. My 3 sisters all married men from 11-18 years older than they were. One is now on her 5th husband (each one quite a few years older than she was at the time), another is widowed, and the third one has been very happily married for 22 years.
• Australia
10 Jan 07
Thank you Claudia. I'd agree that maturity is much more important.
@alpalino (226)
4 Dec 06
It depends. If the man is older than woman, it won't make difference. but if the women is older than man then yeah it does. the reason is woman get matured much quicker than man. But on the other hand if you love somebody, nothing really matters. But if you really love that person, this question shouldn't pop into your mind.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
Agreed alpalino. Love is the main consideration, but sometimes "love" can be misleading. I believe mutual respect and friendship can be more important.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I am very happy with my boyfriend. He's 15 yrs older than me. It works well for us.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
I'm happy for you and hope everything works out well.
@kiiizu (1901)
• Estonia
4 Dec 06
My mother is 5 years older than my father, and they are still quite happy together. My mother is 83 already, father will be 78 this month.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
What a wonderful example they have set for you to follow. Unfortunately we don't hear of many whole lifetime commitments like these. We have been happily married for 46 years and we are looking forward to our "golden" anniversary.
@flakom (86)
• Ireland
4 Dec 06
I think it is better when the man is older than the woman not the other way round. That way the woman can respecvt the man because she believes he is wiser and can take appropriate decision that can affect their lives and their marriage positively.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
I agree it is better for the man to be older, but not essential. Mutual respect is the main thing and I believe there are men who respect an older woman.
@archaven (22)
• Philippines
4 Dec 06
nothing matters - no matter how old or young you are nothing matters
age does not matter! it never does! as long as you fell comfortable with each other, nothing else matters!
• Australia
4 Dec 06
I agree! There are things much more important than age.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
10 Jan 07
My husband and I are five years apart (he is older than I am) but it has never been an issue for us, but before I met him, I dated a man that was 2 years younger than me, and it made a HUGE difference, it's one of the reasons why I broke it off with him. I really think it's based on the individual. I also had some friends that married 20 years apart, (the woman was older) and they divorced shortly after. He always felt like she was being his mother and she always felt the need to raise him. I think it can work, though it may make things more difficult.
• Australia
10 Jan 07
Thanks. There is also five years between my husband and I and I see no problem. I really do think it all depends on the people concerned - but then again, so does the marriage itself!
@mel_87 (856)
12 Feb 07
i dont think there is anything wrong in age difference to a certain extense i think if the girl is 20 and the husband is 50 odd then i think that is abit gross but if the girl is 20 and has a 30m odd year odd husband is not to bad but i wouldnt do it myself i am nearly 20 next month and i think the furthest i would go would be 30
• Australia
20 Feb 07
I think it is a matter of choice. Personally I think a close age is best, but I have known some extremely happy marriages where the age difference has been a large number of years. I know of one where she is 15 years older than he, but they married rather late in life. Thanks for your response.
@ChewySpree (1832)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I think that two people can be very happy even if they have a significant age difference. As long as they have mutual respect, common goals, and attraction it can work.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
Thanks Chewyspree. I think commitment is the main thing and age has very little to do with it, although in some cases childbearing might be an issue to be considered.
• United States
4 Dec 06
It depends on the people involved in the marriage / relationship. If you have common interests and are active and involved in what your partner is doing then age may not matter. A lot of people complain about not having anything in common or growing apart. As long as you can communicate in a healthy manner or are active in each others lives you stand a chance.
@Darkwing (21583)
4 Dec 06
No, age makes no difference to real love. The main ingredients of a good relationship/marriage are trust, loyalty and sharing. If you've got that, age matters not.
• Australia
4 Dec 06
I agree, Darkwing. Thanks for your comments.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I personally don't think age matters, but 20 years or more might be a little too much. If I was 20 I don't think I would want a man that is 40. But if you are happy with the older person, then age doesn't matter.
@yarntales (639)
• United States
5 Dec 06
My husband is 7 years older than I am. I don't think it has been detrimental to our marriage. What is bad is when you marry outside your faith.
20 Feb 07
My husband is only 7 years older than me, which is not a great deal really, but my best friend (she is 23) is in a long term relationship with a man of 59. I was a little shocked at first when she told me, but I have met her other half a couple of times now, and he genuinely seems like a very charming caring man. My friend suffered from depression for a while, and although she had a few relationships with guys the same age as her at this time, none of them understood her and they didn't work out. This man that she is with now, he understands what she is going through, and is mature and sensitive enough to support her if she goes through any rough patches. I have never seen my friend as happy in any other relationship as she is in this one. I think age is all in the mind to be honest. People can feel young, even if they aren't as young as they used to be. Two people can be of very different ages, but they can be the same mentally, and can stimulate each others interests, just the same as two people of the same age might be able to. There are downside of course, and that is that the older partner will die first. Plus the issue of having children is a problem. My friend would love to have children one day, but her partner already has several grown-up children who are in their 30s, and he has grandchildren also, and is not prepared to become a father again at this time in his life. It means that one of the partners has to make a sacrifice. Having said that though, there are sacrifices to be made in all relationships, and if both partners are happy with the decisions they make together, there is no problem.