My b/f is a marine and he's leaving to iraq... need some advice.

United States
December 3, 2006 6:50pm CST
okay well my b/f (alex) and i have been together for more than a year.. but it seems like longer! we are completely in love with each other and he just told me that he was leaving in march to iraq for 7 months. i was/am completely devistated when he asked "whats going to happen to us?" i told him of course nothing is going to change! but as i sit here thinking about it.. how can things be the same? its not the time that we'll be apart, but the struggles that both he and i are going to have to go through.. and not have each other there but have to rely on someone else... i've never been a cheater. i think thats just immoral. so its not the fact that i'll be with someone else.. i have enough strength to be alone for 7 months.. luckily i have my great family and great friends to be there.. but there has been so much going on in my life that i need him!! i know its horrible to say that.. very selfish on my part, but i don't think that i'll be able to go on knowing that he won't be there to help me out, give me his imput, his advice. i keep thinking what will i do if one day alex is sleeping in a cot somewhere and there be a road-side bomb or something and something happens to him. i cry watching the news or when i see him in uniform (he's a reserve, so he only goes on base once a month). i don't know what to do... he told me that if i wanted "we can end things until i come back, and when i do... if you want, we can start off where we left off." he says that since i'm young, i should live my life. sorry if my thoughts are disorganized.. my mind is racing!! any help would be appreciated...
14 people like this
93 responses
@fotychic (318)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I understand where you are coming from. My husband and I are in the military as well. We are both active duty. My husband just got back from a six month cruise in March. It is hard. I don't want to give you deluisions about that. However, it can be done. You WILL be able to talk to him. There is e-mail, and telephone calls, (although those can be hard to coordinate). If you don't think that you can make it for seven months, then I suggest that you get out of the relationship now. I have seen too many couples, both married, and dating break up several years into thier relationship because one or both of them can't handle it. Is your boyfriend going to reenlist in the military when this enlistment is up? These are some things that you need to think about. Don't devote yourself to a life that you don't think you will be able to handle. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I don't want you to find these things out 5 years from now. Anyway, I'm sorry that he got called up, and good luck figuring things out!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for responding.. i know that we'll be able to talk.. and i'm SUPER PROUD of the person that he is!! i admire him and anyone in the military! not alot of people will put their lives on the line like you, your husband, alex and all the other Marine, Army, Air Force, all other military, whether or not your active duty or reserve, or are fighting in the frnt lines or pushing papers back home! its just really hard, but i love him.. and i told him that i wasn't going to give him an empty promise and that i was going to try! if things work out as we have planned.. i hope that i can make it as a military wife.. i've heard alot of women can't handle it... i admire you! =]
1 person likes this
@fotychic (318)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Feel free to ask any questions, or anything. There are some great community support groups out there! And I admire you for even trying! That is a lot more than some people can do. A girl I used to know cheated on her fiancee less than a week after he left for Bahrain.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
If you 2 are in love than there is no reason to end things. You will be able to talk to him on rare occasion and they do have e-mail access so you 2 can't have some contact through pics and e-mails. My husbands brother in law is deployed to Iraq and his wife just had their first baby. It will be hard but love is a strong thing for both of you. It could be the thing that makes him come home safe. You've both known it was a possibility that it could happen, him being deployed, and you stayed together . Now the time is here, stay together. If other things change decide then.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for responding.. when he came back from boot camp, which is only 3 months.. he told me that i was one of the things that kept him moving.. i just don't know if i'll be strong enough to be there for him for seven months.. but hopefully you're right! "love is a strong thing"
1 person likes this
@gewcew23 (8010)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I admire you for thinking about these things. But if you are in love with one another and he told you that you are what got him through boot camp I don't think you should end the relationship. I know this is going to sound crazy but I think he is going to need you more than ever while he is over there even if you only get to communicate throught the phone, letters, emails, etc. I know it will be hard to stay strong I've had friends go through it, and all the guys said the same thing their girls back home was what kept them going. My friends would be total basket cases until they were on the phones with their men and then they had to become actresses to help keep them in good spirits. I hope that this will help you in some way. May I ask your's and your boyfriends name so that I can pray for you. God Bless and always look to HIm for answers and support.
1 person likes this
@gewcew23 (8010)
• United States
4 Dec 06
I am sorry I just realized that your b/f name was in the message but I would still like to have yours so I can put it on my daily prayer request. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
4 Dec 06
He is brave to be in the military. If you love him and trust him then don't break up with him. He probably needs someone to look forward to seeing when he gets home. I hope everything goes well for you.
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for commenting.
• United States
4 Dec 06
Honestly as devestating as it is for you to watch your spouse or boyfriend go to Iraq it will only make you stronger. If you do want to get married then use this as a chance to get use to what being a military wife is all about. I am an Army wife and trust me I understand what you are going through. You have to think positively and while being in Iraq period is dangerous ,depending on the type of work he does he might not be necessarily on the frontlines of danger. I wish you the best.
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
4 Dec 06
Well...I have never been in this situation..I feel for you. However...there are many people that are called away for duty...and thier families are left behind. It is not like he wants to leave..he has too. I think if you love him ...you can wait. You will stay in touch..and like you said..there is always family and friends. The time is long...but hopefully it will go by quickly..and before you know it he will be back home. It is your life...but if you have been good together...then why end it over this?
1 person likes this
@Judobird (88)
4 Dec 06
Hiya I completely understand your situation. I am only 19 years old, and last year my boyfriend went to Iraq for 8 months (by the way I am from England), and this is probably the hardest thing we have ever faced together. The worst part was we had only just got back together after separating previously, we had only been back together about 2/3 months at the time. Anyway, we stayed together and he is back now. At first it hurt like I had never known pain to be. I missed him, I couldn't phone him when I wanted to, but we I would write him a letter everyday, and even though the post was really unreliable and he would get about 10 in one go he would get them. He would write to me whenever he could and I would send him boxes of stuff, not expensive stuff, just stuff like teddy bears etc. I know how much I love him and I knew that if I kept thinking this we would hold strong, even when I couldn't speak to him for several weeks because he had to go away from where he was based to do other stuff I just would look at pictures of him, listen to music that reminded me of him, and before I went he got me a necklace and I never took that off whilst he was out there..it was things like this that got me through. I can't tell you what to do with your life, or your relationships, but I know that waiting for my boyfriend was more then worth it, we are as happy as ever, we have been together on and off since I was 16 years old but his going away strengthened our relationship and made me appreciate how much I valued having him in my life. Another piece of advice though, don't watch the news when they start talking about Iraq related stuff, it will just scare you, if something happens to him you will find out before it gets released onto the channels anyway so there's no need to build yourself up into a state of anxiety over something that may or may not be related to him. I have been through my older brother being in Iraq aswell, and I so I have kinda got used to people I care about being in these situations, and I have only just found out in the past week that my boyfriend could be in Afghanistan next April... let me just say...if you love him enough you will be able to handle it. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
You poor thing. I totally understand where you are coming from. My husband will be deploying sooner than later as well. I know that everytime you think about not having your other half right next to you, your heart sinks. No one was joking when they said that being a military wife or g/f is easy. You will be able to have contact with him though. You can send letters, emails, talk on the phone once in a while, send him care packages. What ever you do, if you truely love him and want to be with him then don't break up with him while he's over there. And then start things back up when he gets back. You doing that wouldn't be a good thing.
1 person likes this
• China
4 Dec 06
I can understand your feeling., and I think the root of the evil is the war. I hope this war will end immediately. We love peace, we do not want to kill or tobe killed. God bless your B/F.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Dec 06
I personally have not had a significant other leave but I was raised in a military family. My mother was a very strong person. This is a time for your love and respect to increase 3 fold. Both of you sound like you are good for each other. It is not putting your life on hold however. It is a learning experience for each of you! You have the same probability of dying in a car accident. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. The hardest part will be not being together physicaly. Any true relationship is founded on respect and compassion, physicality is a perk and a bond. You will still be able to communicate with him. Make sure he takes a hanky or some other personal item he can carry with him that smells like you or a picture with your handwriting on it. When one sense is minimized the other work that much harder. He is fighting not only for your country and fellow man, he is also fighting for you. With out these great men we would not be able to live and love as we can now. If you truly belong together no amount of distance or time an interfere! It will be difficult, no doubt, but in love all things grow. I wish the best for both of you and the strength and courage to remain as one. Never give up, Never give in!
@vincent72 (1634)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
Well make sure you write to him , if you can make sure he phones you when he can , keep the line of communication going so that you keep in touch , and dont feel like he has left you alone , it makes a whole dofference , hope this helps jalin_o
1 person likes this
@vicki2006 (127)
• United States
4 Dec 06
Rob and I in Belize - This is a picture of me and my boyfriend on the balcony of our suite in Belize. The view was amazing!
Finally I found someone in the same boat as me! Not too sound happy on your account of sadness of course. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and in January he's leaving for boot camp then training which altogher he'll be gone for 6 months. He's only going to be in the reserve but the chance of him being sent to Iraq is VERY high (as I know you already know). I have NO idea what I'm going to do without him, I have a few friends, lots of family, but he's my rock ya no? I will have no problem being "alone" (not with someone else) while he's gone but I'm going to be so lonely without his companionship! I'd say if you love him, stay with him. There's no reason to break up with him while he's gone unless you really don't think you could handle it. As far as being lonely, it's great you have friends and family, build a good support group. I would really like to get in touch and/or meet other girlfriends of military men to share the experience. I wish you the best of luck and try not to worry, I know I'm working on it!
• United States
4 Dec 06
Alex and I at USMC Ball - Alex, my boyfriend, and I at the United States Marine Corps Birthday Ball at Seminole Hard Rock Cafe in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. The USMC birthday is Nov. 10th. Its a really interesting story how the Marine Corp was born: you should look it up!
thanks for your response! yeah, i don't have a problem being alone either, but he's my rock too!! i know its going to be hard.. but i think i can do it. he's doesn't really know how i feel. he knows i'm sad, but he's so stressed out as it is.. and his mother is stressing out enough for all three of us, that i don't think its the right moment for me to tell him. what branch of the military is your boyfriend going into? boot camp for the marines was okay, the only form of communication was through writing letters. i couldn't send him any pictures or magazines or anything that will link him to the outside world. but i KNEW that he was coming home. and when he went to his MOS school, i KNEW he was coming home as well. in this case, i don't know if he'll come home. he's the type of person that he'll give the shirt off his back to help out. he'll be the one volunteering to do something dangerous, and i'm scared. none the less, good luck to you too!
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for commenting. =] and i agree with you. the more support, the better.
• Austria
4 Dec 06
First of all, there nothing wrong about goin to Iraq. Anything can happen even if ur in another place. Dont be afraid that hes gonna die or something. As i mentioned earlier, fate is our fate. we can not change it. If u are destained to die, u will die wherever u are. I would suggest that u continue ur relationship. True love conquers all!
@danny500 (145)
• United States
5 Dec 06
her fears are valid, pal. have you ever been in a combat zone? it's different, trust me.
• United States
4 Dec 06
I'm sure this is very tough for you, and anyone else who has a loved one in Iraq. But you have to be strong for him and your self, and be there for him since he has gotten orders to go. Just pray for him and yourself daily. If you really love each other, I think you should both stick it out and wait the 7 months until he comes back. God has a plan for everyone, you never know what will happen when he returns back to you! Stick with him, its hard to go to iraq, and knowing that you are here for him when he returns will give him much more strentgh and power to do what he needs to do over in iraq. I hope things work out for you two!
• United States
4 Dec 06
i'm glad to see that i think i'm making the right decision!
• United States
4 Dec 06
(HUGS) First of all, step watching the news. It won't help you any. Secondly, this war, unlike any other, has made it somewhat easier for us this time around with internet and satellite phones. You will be able to talk to him more than you think. I have no words of wisdom except cliches - if it was/is meant to be, everything WILL work out in the end. Love is pretty powerful stuff. Hang in there.
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for the hugs... i needed it!
@anil_762001 (1636)
• India
4 Dec 06
YOU SHOULD MARRY HIM ...... AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE ......
• United States
4 Dec 06
i wish we could get married now!! but i'm too young! i'm only 20 and i'm still in school. but we've spoken about moving in, which is the next step. thanks for responding! =]
@milott (2646)
• India
4 Dec 06
I would suggest that don't send him there. After watching what's happening there with the car bombing, human bombing, etc. I would not venture into this risky business. If it is unavoidable, god will be with him and protect him in this venture. He will return to you soon. sevan months will go off like seven days, don't worry.
• United States
4 Dec 06
"If it is unavoidable, god will be with him and protect him in this venture. He will return to you soon." - very warming. thank you.
• India
4 Dec 06
I think that a par6t of his jo and wat the relation he is having with you is on the personal front and thus do not try to mix the personal and professionla life. Let me earn well and that will be in betterment of both of you in the future and the distance between you will also test your true love...
• United States
4 Dec 06
a test? thats what my mom said... i just hope that i pass! =] thanks for responding!
@Marie2473 (8514)
• Sweden
4 Dec 06
This is a very difficult subject and you and your boyfriend are both in a dilemma. personally I do not belive in "breaks" in the relationship but at the same time noone but the two of you can decide what is best for you. The thing that would concern me the most is the fact that he is going to Iraq and that he probably will change alot as a person. he will see things that we only see on the news and he will probably never be the same again. You say yourself that u cry when u watch the news and se him in uniform and when u think about what could happen - but that wouldn´t really be any different weather u are together or not - would it. You have a big decision to make an i wish the both of u the best of luck!
• United States
4 Dec 06
thanks for responding! =] i don't believe in breaks either! and i don't want to lose him! things are going to be tough though!!
• United States
4 Dec 06
Get a job and have fun with your friends.
• United States
4 Dec 06
haha.. i'll try and have fun! it'll be hard... its kinda sad, but in the group of our friends, we're called "mom and dad" thanks for responding! =]