Almost 10 years and NOT married yet!

United States
December 5, 2006 12:47am CST
Ok so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years, we have 2 boys ages 6 and 3 I don't know what it is about him but he is just the best dad in the whole world he treats our boys better then he treats himself, and of course he treats me good too (otherwise I wouldn't still be here) but the one thing he is lacking is getting married when I say stuff to him about a ring or getting married he tells me that "Marriage leads to divorce" (he watches too much reality shows) I told him that it won't lead us to divorce because we have kids together and we are stuck! I don't know if it is just a scare to him about getting married I mean we are basically married anyways I just don't have a ring and his lastname, my boys ask me why I have a diffrent last name then them and this bothers me sometimes because I have to explain to him why I have a diffrent lastname.... So what I want to know is what would you do if you were in this position? How would you get him to come to reality and just get married.. Oh another thing is I want a REAL wedding and he says we can't afford it (which could be true) but if I was proposed to I would start saving NOW! Thank you guys.
1 person likes this
5 responses
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. The only difference is e actually engaged 3 years ago. I can't get a response why he's dragging his feet now. I posted a discussion similar to this a few months ago. Feel free to look at peoples responses they gave to me.Good Luck. At this point I'd get married at a drive through if that is what I had to do.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
HAHHAHAHA that is where I am at now! I always told him I wanted a "princess wedding" but crap after 10 years it isn't like it would feel any diffrent I would just have a funky lastname! haha.. My mom lives in Reno and she has told me to get down there and she would pay for a wedding! haha.. who knows...
@AndreaM76 (1164)
• United States
8 Dec 06
I told him and his family I'd settle for eloping! They looked at me funny and told me it's too late for that. I don't care for a big wedding since we have a child but I'd atleast like a small vacation form them!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
6 Dec 06
maybe you can try proposing to him and tell him that it dont have to be an expensive wedding? (real wedding but everything to be as basic as can be) and if he still refused...just be contented with what you have now, a man who loves you and your son very very much and very committed to the relationship and home.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
If Donny can overcome getting up in front of people, so can Jeremy! But, you don't have to have a huge wedding if it would make him nervous! Like your mom said, you could fly to Reno! Or have something simple! Have you tried to tell him that you really want to be MARRIED!!
@nishas3 (57)
• United States
5 Dec 06
I would tell him that if he doesnt decide in two weeks about a marriage with exactly a 12 month engagement period, then you will walk out. I would just explain to him that you are the children's mom and that you automatically gain custody and he has to make you an honest woman. It may be harsh but it will definately work.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
I have to disagree with this one. Only because I know the guy, and he knows Jennifer will not leave him. They both know they will not leave eachother.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
Sadie is right, I have threatened him before and he knows I will NOT go! we have been together since I was 15, he is all I know, I would never leave.. Guess I just have to suffer! I am fine where we are, I just thought maybe a wedding would be fun.
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
5 Dec 06
WOW i cant believe it didnt become a issue with 1st and then 2nd baby usually the birth of a child and all you went thru would have gotten a propousal out of him if he loves his babies but i dunno about this , fro what it sounds like legally you two already have a commonlaw mrriage meaning you have been living together as man and wife nd have children for more than 6 years , i think legally even if you split up now in court he would still be looked at as your husband
• United States
8 Dec 06
I am not sure about the common law thing here in the state of Washington I have heard diffrent things, he has nothing I want! haha.. He is a very good father and a awesome BOYFRIEND! Thanks for the kind words
• United States
5 Dec 06
Jen, I didn't know you wanted to get married! Yes weddings are expensive and you do have to save for them. Jeremy loves you and you love him, I don't know why he has some hang up about it. You might try sitting down and having a serious talk. Do you think maybe he doesn't take it seriously, that you truly do want to get married? It's true you guys are practically married, but he has to want it too. Marriage doesn't lead to divorce anymore than boyfriend/girlfriend relationships lead to break ups! I would seriously sit down and have a talk with him and talk from your heart!!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Dec 06
Sitting down talking with him leads to a fight! I will just let time tell, I am not really that much in a hurry it would just be nice.. You can help plan it!haha