How long to wait?

Australia
December 5, 2006 1:38pm CST
How long did you wait to have children? My hubby and i have only been married 2 months but been together 3 years and known each other 18 years. Im 28 (nearly 29) he is 33. I want to start trying for children after christmas but he wants to wait, he doesnt know what he is waiting for just wants to wait. Im just trying to get an idea of how long other couples waited before they had children. Financially we are in a great position to have kids so there are no worries there. Thanks for your opinions and contributions!! Please dont give one word answers its pointless.
8 people like this
119 responses
• India
6 Dec 06
I think u are old enough to have children...but your husband doesnt seem sure of it...Its not just finances that can be a passport to have children..it is the responsibilities that are going to determine whats the right time..may be your husband is not prepared to accept being a father...may be you should give him more time and in the mean while ask yourself are you ready for the next step??
6 Dec 06
WELL I WAS 14 WHEN I HAD MY FIRST KID, BECUASE I GOT MY GFDRIEND PREGNENT. IT WAS QUITE BAD AT THE TIME, BUT IM 17 NOW AN MY SON WILL STARTING INFANT SCHOOL SOON WHICH IS GOOD.
3 people like this
• India
6 Dec 06
Hi, congrats!! i think this is the best time for u to bear children. there r many factors on which this issue depends upon.as u have known each other for the last 18years, no doubt that u can go ahead and strengthen ur relationship and make it prosper by welcoming a little guest into ur life.it was always told to wait for sometime to bear children coz there wouldn't be much time to know about eachother after marriage.but urs is a different case that u've been enjoying together for the past 3 years.its the best time to go ahead!! all the best :-)
@SViswan (12057)
• India
6 Dec 06
We didn't wait long to have kids. I knew my husband only for 6 months before we were married. We decided to have kids soon because we wanted to enjoy our kids when we were young and healthy to take care of them (I was 25 when I had my first child). We didn't want to be old and still be paying for a child in college or high school. We then waited another 6 years to have another child because I wanted the first one to be independent. Though we could afford outside help, I didn't want it and no one in the family was in a position to stay with us and help. So, based on our circumstances, this was the best choice..and I don't regret it. You need to find out what is worrying your husband...probably he feels he isn't ready to handle kids emotionally..he isn't ready for the responsibility of being a father..or thinks he isn't in a position to emotionally support you during pregancy..or it could be something else altogether. What you need to do is have a frank talk and try to find the root cause (which he probably hasn't even realized himself).
@Genie123 (59)
• India
6 Dec 06
Hi there! I guess its about time you started planning. Coz its always better to finisg off with the first kid atleast before you are 30. Medically also it is proven in many cases that its best to have them before 30 as it reduces the risk of Gestational Diabetes for women and also any kind of abnormalities in the kid to come. Guess its to shoot!! Cheers! All the best!
3 people like this
@no1biz (262)
• Sweden
6 Dec 06
nbb - nbb
Hello, I was 31 y.o. when my daughter was born. It has been (and still is of course) a wonderful time. But I can say for sure, that I'm happy that I wasn't older when she came to the world. So I'd say that time's about to be there for you guys. I'm not the one to decide for you, but I'm sure you know what I mean... ;-)
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thanks for your comment. Thats exactly how i think and i guess that for some guys there is never a RIGHT time. We have our own business and i guess he might be selfish of our time. I know that when it does happen he will be over the moon!
1 person likes this
@no1biz (262)
• Sweden
6 Dec 06
Yes, I'm sure he will be too. It's so easy to be too occupied especially when you run your own business. But no money or financial success in the world can ever be bigger than having your own child. I'm into business myself and of course I strive for my financial goals also, but like I said... Nothing is bigger than your own kids.
2 people like this
• Australia
7 Dec 06
Yeah for sure and i guess as a male, im not ture that they really understand the yearnig we have to give them children. I will revisit it with hubby and see if i can get him to suggest a time to start trying. After Christmas definately. Maybe after Hawaii also. Im going for Holiday in March so when i come home might be nice to start trying.
1 person likes this
@krankies (811)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I had my first child when I was 38 and married for 10 years. We are madly in love and traveled the world before kids. Life is much slower now and a lot different. we will not even leave the country since 911. Take your time you are young, it's better if you both want the responsiblity, your life changes, although it is a wonderful change, it's like seeing everything in color for the first time, as is you only could view life in black and white before children. It is still a change you both have to be ready for. Your first year of marriage is the honeymoon stage enjoy, experiment.
@Aali311 (6118)
• United States
6 Dec 06
Life is very different with kids.
1 person likes this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thanks for your comments. We have been OS and are going again next year to hawaii. How do u find being an older mum? (not meaning to be offensive)
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I am twenty five right now. My husband and I have known each other ten years. Been together five years, and married for three years. We just had our first child and he is eight months old. Does your husband know how hard it is for a woman in her thirties ( I know you are not there yet ) to carry a child? It can be very dangerous for her. I think you should sit down with your husband and explain that you are ready to start trying, and that as a woman it is not really all that safe to wait much longer. There has to be some reason he is wanting to wait. Try to get him to open up about it, just remember not to push to hard. You know how men are when you push a subject! hehe You know his temperment, so only you know how far to push this. Just explain everything you are feeling, and try to get him to. You'll figure it out, and life always has a way of working things out! Best wishes!
2 people like this
• Australia
8 Dec 06
Thanks for your comments! Congratulations on your baby!
@zambian (31)
• India
6 Dec 06
You dont have to wait one day after you are narried to get pregnant, especially since you have been together 3 years. Sometimes, it is best not to plan these things. If you feel you want to have the baby, have it. You are not getting any younger and if you really want to enjoy your children, its best done when you are as healthy as possible. Have a talk with your husband and let him know that the waiting is over.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thank you for your commetns.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
I had my first child when i was 16 turning 17 and I wouldnt trade that for anything not only did i learn alot i have a wonderful daughter that i can do stuff with and will beable to relate to when she gets to be little older... ( before you critize me for having baby at that age FYI it was a rape baby) and i kept her... Then i met my fiancee now almost 2 yrs ago and we recently had a son less than a mth ago and im now 19 ... so I think its all on what you want and when... We want to be able to play with our kids and do stuff with them and not feel like they dont relate to us.. I know that my daughter will always come to me for anything because we will always have that special connection that we have...
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thats great for you! Its a hard time to deal with Rape let alone pregnancy because of it. I admire you courage and strengthn. I hope that you and your family remain close and your children are ablet o come to you as they get older. If i had my way i would have had children much younger but i hadnt married the person i wanted to share that precioius experience with, now i have and i just want it all!! Thank you for sharing!
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18159)
• United States
6 Dec 06
He probably wants to wait because he finally got you to the alter and doesn't want to share you yet with anyone yet and plus pregnancy can be tough on some women. I would wait atleast a year then maybe on your anniversary plan to get pregnant. that would be more romantic. I would sugest 3 years to other couples though it gives them time to get their life straightened out and organized better and maybe start a baby fund and add money to it with every pay check because babies even though you are in a great position financially can drain your money like that with everything they need in just the frist few months they are constantly neeing new clothes and all kinds of other things. Well I hope you can last out atleast a year before giving in to the temptation and I hope you respect his wishes in this matter because although you are ready he is not. So good luck and God bless!
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thank you for your honesty and response. I think that could be a nice way. We have agreed that we will talk about it again after Christmas and go from there.
1 person likes this
• India
6 Dec 06
You both are fully grown up, so try for child soonest possible, new guest will improve your happiness.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
thanks for your response
1 person likes this
@getnbuy (1313)
• United States
6 Dec 06
Time..... - clip art
As a person who had trouble getting pregnant I feel that I should warn you not to wait too long. The older you get the harder it is to concieve and to carry a baby.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thank you for you response. Do you have children now?
1 person likes this
• India
6 Dec 06
U both have been staying and know each other since pretty long time. I would suggest to have a child as early as possible, because as both of you are at the right age to conceive a child. And more ever there is specific time for which you should wait for. And a child in your life will make you more happier and more stronger your relationship.
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thank you for you comments!
1 person likes this
@pinkypop (662)
• Philippines
6 Dec 06
I and my honey had just got married last April of this year (2006) and luckily, I am on my 6th month family way. Have a heart to heart talk with your hubby...maybe there's something bothering him. No problem can not be solve with a good communication. Just try and talk this thing to him.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
There is no problems i just dont want to wait 5 years and then decide to try and find out that i have some problems
1 person likes this
@ChewySpree (1832)
• United States
6 Dec 06
My husband and I had been married a little over a year when we started trying. Luckily we got pregnant on our first try and I'm not 19 weeks pregnant. It's a good thing too, because I'm 37 now and he is 33.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Congratulations!! Good for you!
1 person likes this
@dmzamora (112)
• Philippines
6 Dec 06
I am 25, 25 this march actually... I don't have any kid yet. I f i were to answer this, I'd say there is not a right age to bear children, maybe if we consider the biological thing then there is (like if you're over 40! hello?!) . With that, it depends on your maturity and your partner's too! good luck!
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thank you for your comments
1 person likes this
@Aali311 (6118)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I was twenty one when I had my first child, I was trying to get pregnant, I had know my husband for almost two years but we wanted the same things and we were always on the same page, so if you and your husband are ready and both want a child you don't have to wait any amount of time. You both have to make these decisions together, that's what's important.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
thanks for your comments!
1 person likes this
@Brandi06 (2227)
• United States
6 Dec 06
i was 16 when i had my first and 19 for my second and i am 21 now on my third and i think it gets harded as you get older so i would not weight to much longer.
2 people like this
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Thanks for your comments
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Dec 06
My husband and I had been married for three months when we decided to start trying to conceive. We discovered I was pregnant after three months.... so we'd been married for six months. We were THRILLED and our son has brought so much joy to our lives. It actually made our marriage even stronger when we brought this beautiful life into the world. Maybe talk to your husband and tell him how you're truly feeling about this. It could be possible that he doesn't know how serious you are about it?? Good luck. :)
• Australia
6 Dec 06
Oh he knows, and i think that he is just scared. Thanks for your comments
1 person likes this