If you were adopted...

United States
December 6, 2006 7:55pm CST
If you found out you were adopted, or that your mother of father was not your biological parent, would it be a big deal to you? Would you try to find your biological parents and if so, why? If so, how much time, money and effort would you be prepared to invest in finding them? i.e How big a priority would finding them be? Would a relationship with your biological parents be important to you and if so, why? Would finding out that a parent is not your biological parent affect your relationship with them? In the case of an adoption, should the biological parents have a right to remain anonymous? Thoughts?
25 people like this
207 responses
@BunGirl (2639)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think it would only bother me if my adopted parents had been lying to me my entire life. I don't know that I would worry about finding my biological parents unless there was some medical reason to do so.
3 people like this
@SparkyG (357)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I agree, I wouldn't worry about finding my biological parents either. Unless it was necessary.
3 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
but wouldnt you be a little bit curious to meet them?
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
but wouldnt you be a little bit curious to meet them?
@Cortney (3982)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I am adopted and was told at an age where I could understand it. I think my parents did everything right. They showed (and still do) me all the love in the world. I never wanted to know about my biological family. When I was about 20, the biological family contacted me. My records were supposed to be closed. They were very blunt about how I was concieved (which I don't believe).. It didn't affect my relationship with my parents because from the beginning I corrected them when they said they were my mom, aunt, etc. I don't even talk to them now. I think that both sides have the right to remain hidden.
3 people like this
• India
8 Dec 06
Absolutely agree with your point of view my dear friend. If I were to be told that I was adopted, I'd be thankful to my supposed parents for adopting me. Otherwise think of it, I'd be an orphan languishing in a Destitute Home. I mean derogation when I say destitute home, please excuse me if it's wrong of me to write so. I don't know whether I'd try to contact my real parents in that case. It's not worth the time and effort to find your past when you have such a good present with great Mom and Dad. The fact that I'm being loved and cared for would be reason enough for me to be grateful for ever. Good day to you, bye.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
If I found out I was adopted and wasn't told my supposed parent, I would be hurt and angry. I would feel this way because I would feel like lied to me. If I had known from a child, I would have no problem with it. Would I then want to find out about my biological parents, probably. But they wouldn't take the place of my adopted parents. Yes, the biological parents have a right to remain anonymous. But it would be nice when they gave up their child if they also would give a full health history to the child's new parents.
3 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
i agree with you
1 person likes this
@Johnboy1 (305)
• South Africa
7 Dec 06
Yes, I would try and find my real parents. Maybe they are rich and I could inherit some bucks.
2 people like this
@firdaus (685)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 06
hahaha.. how greedy u r
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
if i was adopted it would explain a lot! ha ha, no but really I think I would look I may be rich and not know it, and I also would want to know why they gave me up, I guess I would just want answer.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
if ur happy, then forget everything..
2 people like this
@firdaus (685)
• Malaysia
7 Dec 06
yes.. i agree with u man...
2 people like this
• United States
7 Dec 06
I wouldn't be upset if I found out, the people who I'd thought were my parents would always be my parents in my heart. I would have an undying urge to locate my biological parents just to find out why I was given up. I would want to try to maybe pursue a friendship or at least keep in contact. Adoption usually happens due to the best interest of the child and I would be greatful of that.
• United States
7 Dec 06
thanks for the reply
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
I am an adopted child. I have known my adoption through my bestfriend when i was 12. When I was younger i felt that I am angry for the reason that my adoptive parents didnt tell me about this important matter of my life... When I had the chance I searched for my biological parents. but when i found them I had discovered that I dont need to be angry to the decision that they had given me away. I understood that, that they need to do that for survival..
2 people like this
@nandusha (154)
• India
7 Dec 06
i dont know if i am adopted or not but let me tell u some thing is i was i wannt to know from them and not by some accedend ,and i will like to know about my so called parends too,to know from wrer u came from it makes u what u are ,u get allot af anser to the ? u nevev had ans to so let me tell u people if any one is not telling ur cildren the truth then plz have mersi on the and tell them they will love u what so ever if or if nt u the real parents,and it is wrong for the so called parent to hide if they want to so it hasto be the chose of the child to know thek or not
2 people like this
@Jshean20 (14360)
• Canada
7 Dec 06
If I were adopted and my parents were upfront with me when I was old enough to understand, no I would no be mad. I think it would really upset me if they waited to tell me down the road, as I would have a hard time trusting them again. I don't think I would have any desire to find my biological parents, sure they are blood but I would still view my adoptive parents as my own. I do think that biological parents have the right to remain anonymous because they made the often difficult decision of giving their child to a family who can care for the child, they probably don't want to experience the hurt of seeing what they could've had which is understandalbe in my opinion.
2 people like this
@rikpallav (1242)
• India
7 Dec 06
If I was adopted by my parents who would then be not my biological parents, then it would have not bothered me much if they have raised me like their won child and have given everything to me that they have given and everything that they have done, if at some point of time they would have utter that, you are not our son and they have apodted or something like that and in that case only I would have gone on to search for my biological parents otherwise I would not have as they have given birth and let me like that without ever caring for whether I am alive or not and what I doing.
2 people like this
7 Dec 06
I think there would always been a fascination to know what your biological parents were like but I think people should also be prepared for the worst. In some cases, the biological parents could be everything the child has wished for and could want to meet the child, but there is a big chance that they do not want to know the child, maybe for the same reason they put them up for adoption in the first place. If the biological parents had moved away, started a new family and life and were then met with this, it could cause huge problems. This would also be the case if a mother had not told her husband of a child she had put up for adoption. I know people should be honest with their partners but it's not always that easy. It's hard to say what is right or wrong with this, I think the child has a right to know their real parents but I think the real parents have a right to remain unknown.
• India
7 Dec 06
very well said... claps claps :)
@mbs730 (2151)
• Canada
7 Dec 06
Well I just know if I ended up adopting a child and I worked very hard raising the child.. and one day the child said to me "I want to find my biological parents" I know I would not have an easy time with that. However, I do think the children should meet their biological parents if alive or know about them and their history. They need their health history too to be known and heritage. And if the child were to want to know why the biological mother gave him or her up, then the child should meet her and talk about it with her. Maybe it will make the child appreciate his or her adoptive parents more.
1 person likes this
@lilmissy (481)
• United States
7 Dec 06
no i dont think it should mtter the person did not keep or raise you theyshouldnt be a part of your life ,you should respect the people who raised and clothed and feed and loved you your whole life.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
if i found out i was adopted, i would thank the couple who adopted me for giving me a home and family. i probably would be curious about my biological parents' identities but i don't think i will exert much effort in locating them. probably would if i was being treated bad by my adoptive parents though but only to ask them why of all families did they choose this family to adopt me. the logic is, if my biological parents gave me up for adoption, no matter what their reason was, it is clear that they don't want to have anything to do with me. they probably have moved on since and have a life of their own that does not concern me, so why bother them? as for the anonimity question, some parents want to remain anonymous, others don't really care. its a choice they themselves make so whatever their decision is must be respected.
1 person likes this
• Belgium
7 Dec 06
yeah I would be so angry with them, and think I'll never forgive them. And off course I'll try to find my biological parents.
1 person likes this
@hm1177 (1223)
7 Dec 06
i'm not adopted but think i would only be angry if i wasn't told about it. I would be curious to find out who my real parents were and why they had me adopted. As i'm a parent now i think the parents must be either selfish or desperate to be without their biological children. I wouldnt have dared give my girls up - i was in love with them before they were even born.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Dec 06
I think that I would like to find out who my biological parents are but I dont think I would spend much time or money in it if I were in a loving and caring home at the time. My wife and I have adopted 3 kids and I dont know what they are going to do in the future if anything to find there biological parents. My kids know that they are adopted. My sons have no contact with there bio parents and my daughter sees her bio dad but does not know that he is her real dad. I am her real dad and she knows that.
• United States
7 Dec 06
I would want to know that I was adopted and not feel that I was lied to. I would feel a close connection to the two people who raised me; they would be my parents because they loved me and provided for me. However, I would still be curious about what my biological family was like and what I shared with them (who do I look like, etc.). I would also be curious as to why they gave me up and didn't feel they could raise me. I would make finding them a priority if I found out that I had some medical illness that needed a family history for treatment. Money might not be as much of an issue then.
1 person likes this
• India
7 Dec 06
IF I WERE ADOPTED I WOULD NOT HAVE BOTHERED MYSELF BY THINKING ABOUT IT TOO MUCH BECAUSE MY PARENTS THOUGH I AM NOT THEIR OWN BLOOD, WOULD MEAN THE WORLD FOR ME BECAUSE IT IT THEY WHO HAVE BROUGHT ME UP WITH CARE AND LOVE....AND THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BY MY SIDE EVEN DURING MY DARK DAYS....WHEREAS MY REAL PARENTS DID NOT EVEN THINK TWICE BEFORE ABANDONING ME! SO WHATS THE USE SEARCHING FOR THEM....THEY MEAN NOTHING TO ME....I AM PROUD TO BE MY PARENT'S DAUGHTER. I JUST LOVE THEM FROM THE CORE OF MY HEART!
1 person likes this
@flte74 (876)
• United States
7 Dec 06
I WAS adopted and found out when I was 8 yrs old that my grandparents adopted me. So, I knew who my real parents were but I wanted nothing to do with since I was adopted as a baby and called my grandparents mom and dad. My biological father is tryingto contact me but I don't care for him, and I know who my biological mother is but I have no idea where she is and I don't care. My grandparents gave me awonderful life and I am satisfied with that.
1 person likes this