For the poop, for which the poop, hopefully you won't poop!
December 8, 2006 12:43pm CST
The terminology below is only for those with a solid, sick sense of humor. Not for the weak and uptight! Different Kinds of Poop! (This is the whole poop, nothing but the poop, so help me poop!) Ghost Poop = You know you’ve pooped. There’s poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl. Teflon Coated Poop = Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it! Gooey Poop = This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet. Second Thought Poop = You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize it...you’ve got some more. Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop = This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. Bali Belly Poop = You poop so much you lose 5 kilos. Right Now Poop = You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down. King Kong or Commode Choker Poop = This poop is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else’s house. Wet Cheeks Poop = This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet. Wish Poop = You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop! Cement Block or Oh God Poop = You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you poop. Snake Poop = This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long. Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) = Even after the third flush, it’s still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else’s house. Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) = You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when your butt hole stops burning. The Frightened Turtle = The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in. The Bungee Poop = The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water. The Ring of Fire Poop = The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butt hole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter. The Crippler = The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down. The Big Bobber = The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface. The Incredible Hulk Poop = The kind of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it’s normal size. Jack the Ripper Poop = The kind of poop that yanks out your butt hair as it pushes its way out. The Party Pooper = The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise. The Toxic Gas Poop = The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall off the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town. Dirty Bowl Poop = The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl. The Windy City Poop = When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.