Opinions please......

@wahmoftwo (1298)
United States
December 9, 2006 9:00pm CST
I have a ten year old daughter from a previouse marriage. She recently spent a weekend with her father. When she returned home she was telling me about what they had done over the weekend. She said that they had seen two movies in one day at the local theater. I asked her who was with her and she said that her dad had left her there with another child her age and a fourteen year old girl because he had to go and take care of something with his girlfriend. She also added that they didn't pay for the second movie (the oldest girl told her the movie employees wouldn't care) and that he left them with a cell phone in case of emergency. We live in a town with about (my guess) 30,000 people. Am I being over protective or do you think this is ok?
3 people like this
109 responses
@tbomb2002 (269)
• United States
11 Dec 06
No, I'm sorry...I am one of those mom's who do NOT feel that is ok. I have two small daughters of my own and I am divorced as well. I would be furious if my ex pulled that. No doubt, he will pull that one day, he has already done things that I feel are inappropriate. My question is...what can we do about it? I've been told that I really have no say on how he uses his parenting time or what he does with the girls when they are in his care.
1 person likes this
@wahmoftwo (1298)
• United States
12 Dec 06
That is where the problem is. Unless they are being abused or outright neglected AND you can prove it AND you have money for a lawyer to go back to court it seems like you just have to hope for the best. It seems like I am always having to have a talk with him about something and in the long run it never does any good.
• United States
11 Jan 07
Exactly, if we were able to communicate productively with the X's, then we probably wouldn't be divorced in the first place! In my case, I have full physical custody (we have joint legal custody), and he has every other weekend visitation. It irks me to no end that I have such little say over what happens during the time they spend with him. If they were in the care of ANYONE else, such as grandparents, babysitters, teachers, etc., I would be able to say what could or could not be done. It's amazing how little "rights" we actually have as the primary custodial parents. The part-timers seem to have all the rights.
1 person likes this
@TasksGirl (216)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Did she know these other children or were they total strangers? Recently in Palmdale California a 10 year old was at the movies (alone though) and was raped.. But if your daughter is in a group she SHOULD be ok. You don't want to be too overprotective but you don't want to be to relaxed either. The Father shouldn't be getting to visit with this girl if he obviously would rather be his new girlfriend than his daughter! That part was definately not acceptable. The most disturbing part is that did he not arrange a time to come back and pick her up? I don't think he intended for her to see 2 movies, and it doesn't sound like he arranged to come back in 2 or 3 hours. His intention was literally just to dump her off there for the day until she called complaining (or until he felt like coming back!) Forgive me if I'm wrong - but that is sure how it sounds to me! Most parents would say OK the movie gets out at 4:45 , I'm coming back at 5:00 be right here in the front and you better not be late!
• United States
10 Dec 06
Oh and the worst part is that seeing 2 movies would take around 5 or 6 hours - did he not get worried and come to get her or call her to check up on her ???
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 06
Oops that looks very wrong - I meant to say "The father shouldn't be getting to visit this girl if he obviously world rather be WITH his new girlfriend than to spend time with his daughter" !
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 07
I would say that there are two issues here the first is your husbands lack of responsibity in regards to his daughter. You need to sit with him and make it clear if he has other plans and can't spend quality time with her then he should for-go his weekend until a better time. The second is that your daughter went along with stealing a movie. She needs to be taught that not paying for a movie is the same as if she went into the store and stole a DVD. If she can't be trusted to know the difference between right and wrong then she should not be left alone.
• United States
22 Jan 07
AHHH! I totally misunderstood I thought your daughter was older. Absolutly no way should a ten year old be left alone at a movie theater. There are way to many sickos out there. I would make sure that your ex understands if it happens again his visitation would be re-evaluated. Sorry for my lack of reading correct.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Dec 06
I would say that it's fine to leave a ten year old with a responsible 14 year old. However, the fact that he did not discuss the possibility with you, and the fact that he would no cherish every moment with his daughter, makes it seem like he was not concerned about the abilities of the babysitter. He shouldn't be dealing with his girlfriend and leaving the kid.
@Brooke3 (614)
11 Dec 06
Why should he discuss it with her? i'm sure she doesn't tell him everytime she hires a babysitter or leave the child with a relative.
@Goranimal (315)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Frankly her dad is being very irresponsible and it was obviously planned ahead of time to have a 14 year old at the ready. If he doesnt want her for that weekend he should act like a man and tell you he cant take her on the weekend he's suppose to.
1 person likes this
@norteh (615)
• Netherlands
10 Dec 06
Agreed. If you take responsibility, you must act to it. I would make some agreements with this parent.
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Wow. I would be irate! You need to have a talk with her dad. Also write down this "episode" for your own referance so if you ever have to go to court for parenting time or anything like that, you'll have a log of all the "episodes". Good luck!
1 person likes this
@mamashane (1140)
• United States
10 Dec 06
Also, you should tell your daughter that if anything like this happens again that she needs to call you right away! You are not violating anything by getting your child out of a dangerous situation!
@shawnasie (390)
• United States
10 Dec 06
I think 10 yr olds are too young to do this. I wouldn't let my child go out on his/her own until at least 13 yrs old. Also the fact that she is being told that doing something illegal is alright is not a good thing. I think her father needs to have someone talk to him about his decision making. He needs to be more responsible when having a child around. Also, I have a 10 yr old brother and I won't even let him ride his bike out of my view when I am watching him because I am leary of all the wierdos out there.
• United States
10 Dec 06
Yes I think that I to would have been upset if my ex's just dump my child off like that and in the care of a 14 year old . To run off to the girlfriend place . I have a 12 year old and sure wouldn't have like it to much if that had happen to her , as there are so many things that can happen in a very short time to a child ,even if she did have a cell phone and in the care of a 14 year old . I for one think you have every right to be up set by what you was told . This world is not that save any more with all that you hear that does happen to young kids these days .
1 person likes this
@moonmage (148)
• United States
22 Jan 07
Okay, that's totally scary to me. I can't imagine anyone leaving children at age 14 or at age 10 in a movie theater by themselves. At least they were left with a cellphone but that's not a complete safeguard or answer to all potential problems that might have popped up. I could see being gone a few minutes but no more. I would bring it up to the judge who granted him partial custody (or visitation or what-have-you). So, no, I don't think you're being overprotective.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
It sounds like your ex had things under control he left them with a 14 yr old and a cell phone in case of an emergancy and there was only one other child with them so her attention wasnt diverted to many other children she had her 2 eyes to keep on them and her 2 hands to hold on to them sounds like every thing went well but if you feel uncomfortable about it talk to your husband and if he was to do it agian maybe you could meet the 14 yr old and discuss with her the care of your daughter and give her your phone number and home address.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jan 07
I think that you and your ex need to talk about this. And, no dear, you are not over protective. You have sense in your head. This is a dangerous world for them to be alone. Plus, she is not learning good values from this girl.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
That is crazy. tell him that if he doesn't want to be with her when he has her then you'll just keep her at home. She is unsupervised and 10 is way to young for that. Make sure you explain to her that seeing the other movie was stealing and if she was cuaght doing that the police would have been called!
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 07
There are a couple of issues, like what kind of a 14 year old babysitter encourages the kids she watching to stael Why did Dad not inquire as to how they paid for the second movie? What was so important that a Dad who doesn't get to see his children all the time would need to leave them for? I think you are right to be concerned, however how you approach your ex about the situation is also important. If you do decide to talk to him about it start off by saying. I have some concerns that need to run by you and see if you agree or think I am over reacting. Hopefully this will help him not get defensive and you can have a mature discussion on the subject. HTH
1 person likes this
@BittyBiddy (2903)
• Ireland
19 Jan 07
I don't think you're being over protective. As a matter of fact, I'd be disgusted if I sent my child to spend the weekend with her father and she spent a whole day at the cinema while he was off somewhere else. I'd expect him to tell me he's too busy and not to take her for that day. Your daughter is only ten and she didn't even know this other fourteen year old girl. It's not good enough, and especially when the fourteen year old is showing such a streak of dishonesty. I mean, did your ex give them the money for the cinema? If this is the case, did the 14 year old pocket the money?
1 person likes this
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
19 Jan 07
Ithink you should arrange for supervised visitation for him and the girls. His visitation time is to spend quality time with them, not to leave them in a movie thater on their own. One thing you might do, though....If it happanes again, intruct the girls to call you from that cell phone and tell you exactly where they are, then go pick them up, or call the police and have them picked up. The police might be riskier though. YOu aren't being overprotective...and you aren't being nearly as evil as I would be....LOL!
@amber81 (288)
• United States
11 Jan 07
No you are not being over protective! If so then that means i would too in that situation.. theres no way i would leave a 10 yr old at a movie theatre with a couple girls her age expecially in such a big city, this world isnt safe anymore! Its too crazy and unpredictable anymore its not how it use to be!! I say you need to confront her dad,and find out whats going on why she was at the movies with these girls left alone and not only that why wasnt he spending time with her on his weekend... Thats my thoughts on it i would be very heated if i found something like that.. I understand alittle better about the 14 yr old but not a 14 yr old watching two 10 yr olds... no way!
1 person likes this
@lynn3024 (198)
• Canada
11 Jan 07
i don't believe he did the right thing . Fourteen is alittle young to be babysitting a ten year old ecspecially in a movie theatre. also he should have been back to get them when the movie was over where he knew the had no money to pay for another movie. what if the employees did mind and had kicked them out were would they have went. I really think you should bring it up to him. me and my daughters father are seperated and if he wants to do something with her that i don't approve of i say no and thats thats.
1 person likes this
@krysy1982 (1042)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I would have been more upset with dad not spending that time on her weekend with him
1 person likes this
@mfrancq (1808)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I was going to the movies alone at the age of ten and I too lived in a large, and dangerous city. I think this is fine, however, the way it was approached was not. First off, he should have contacted you to make sure you were alright with it. Secondly, she did not need to be in there long enough to watch two movies. Thirdly, it is not right to dump your child off at a theatre just to get rid of them so you can go see your girlfriend. You are not being overprotective in this sense. He did not do the right thing in this situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
well...he is her father. Who am i to say whats okay for his child?
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
11 Dec 06
One movie should have been fine, but the second should not have happened. He did not expect them to go to the second or he would have given them the money to go. He should have been there ready to get them when the first movie was over.
1 person likes this