Jokes and humour

"Help.... The Titanic is going to be drowned...." Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God... Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship. Italian : How far is land, from here ? Sardarji : Two miles . Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up To the layer to ask something again. Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ? Sardarji : Downwards... !!

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

Funny! Thanks for sharing!!

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to dinner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot.” The father explained, “No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman.” So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said. Furious, the mother shouted, “Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!”

Typical academic year for a student: 1.Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest. Days left 313. 2.Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.Days left 263. 3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141. 4.1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days. Days left 126. 5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing)-means 30days. Days left 96. 6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days. Days left 81. 7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46. 8.Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days. 9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3. 10.Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day left. 11. That 1 day is your birthday. How can you study on that day??????!!!!!!!!!! Balance Days = 0 "Then how can a student pass ????????"

good one, what about this A little boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little ticked off, so when he feeds the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

A Japanese traveler wanted to visit Pakistan. He reached the airport & hailed a taxi. The taxi driver was from Karachi. The Japanese said: Your taxi goes very slow. Japanese taxi goes very fast. Your buses are very slow. Japanese buses are very fast. 'What!!!!' yelled the Japanese at the end of the journey, 'your meter goes very fast!' 'Yes, sir', said the taxi driver, 'Made in Japan!

An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM. 1. Park the car 2. Go to ATM Machine 3. Insert card 4. Enter PIN 5. Take money out 6. Take ATM Card out 7. Drive away How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM 1. Park the car 2. Check makeup 3. Turn off engine 4. Check makeup 5. Go to ATM 6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse 7. Insert card 8. Hit Cancel 9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it 10. Insert card 11. Enter PIN 12. Take cash 13. Go to car 14. Check makeup 15. Start car 16. Stop car 17. Run back to ATM 18. Take ATM card 19. Back to car 20. Check makeup 21. Start car 22. Check makeup 23. Drive for 1/2 mile 24. Release handbrake 25. Drive on.

his one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get? He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years. His father congratulated him. And then he said "That's good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!

TEACHER: Parker, what do you call a person who keeps on talking to people who are No longer interested? PARKER: A Teacher

Interviewer: just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how will you escape? Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. Change it to Exclamatory sentence ... Student : WOW !

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy. Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?" James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style, "......James Bond." Then Bond asks: "And you?" Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao... Siva Rao... Samba Siva Rao... Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao... Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..." Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George Bush asks name of the boy. "Bob" says the boy. "And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?" A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" says the boy "And what is your question, Steve?" "I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? And fifth, where is Bob?"

Once Sardar asked his wife I am fed up with all these old jokes about sardars... U please tell me a very good joke but dont include me (a sardar) in it...... The wife said " I AM PREGNANT " ...........

American told sardar : Hamare desh me 90% shaadi e-mail se hoti hai. Sardar : Kya bath hai. Hamari desh me 100% female se hoti hai.

2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing. sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have a one mo

Sardar Calls up the airport for enquiry : Sardar : How long does it take to fly from Amritsar to Delhi. Reply : Just a sec, Sir. Sardar : Thankyou Sardar hangs up the phone