How much control you should keep to teenagers ?

@alienstar (5143)
India
December 10, 2006 11:34pm CST
To control your children in their teenage is the most difficult task in life..isn't it? how much of freedom you like to give them? As we all know, too much of control also is not good and there should be a limit for everything...isn't it? do you feel like giving your children their own space to enjoy life by trusting them fully...! how do you all cope with teenage children...all views are welcome here...
27 responses
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Releasing teens into the world is only best done a little a time. If you ask them to split the cost of a car with you instead of giving them a car, it will help them realize the value of property and also give them self worth. Sometimes it will take longer for them to acquire a car this way, and in this way you can avoid the problems and headaches associated with a teen who can get in the car and go anywhere, possibly into trouble.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
ha..ha...looks easy for you this way? if that was so easy, no one would have had any problem in raising a child...isn't it? you tell me one thing, do you have a child? once you have one, you will know how difficlut it is to implement your method of making your kid understand how dificult the life is...don't you think so...ha...ha... Anyway's, thanks for responding
• India
11 Dec 06
teenage - teenage
they should be given as much freedom as possible so that they can get aquanted with outer world becomes easy wiyh girls &boys.if you don't do that then a reverse impression wil be created in their mind.
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Hm....if your kid is good by nature.You won't be having any problem ...infact, no one will have any problem with a nice kid...isn't it? but, if you are kid is not listening to you at times and starts creating troubles, then where do you think you will draw the line....isn't it difficult at that time...what do you say for this? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@emarie (5447)
• United States
11 Dec 06
i think it depends on the child. if you feel your teen has displayed maturaty and your able to trust them, then you should let them be on their own. if their responsible and you know they can make the right desisions, then trusting them is the best thing. if you've raised you teen correctly, then you question their judgment, then you're questioning them...and that could hurt them, and make them more rebelious. if you trust them, then they'll make the right desisions. but thats depending on them...if they display bad behavior, then you should limit their the amount of control they have. until they can prove it to you that they deserve it.
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
You are right in some aspects as it all depends on how you bring them up...isn't it? If your child has displayed maturity, then i don't think you will have any problems as your child can understand the things running around isn't it? but, if your kid is wild, then you should also know where to draw the line between being too linient or to strict...isn't it? as far as i am concerned, i think it also depends mostly on the kind friends they make in their age...isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@pookie92 (1714)
• United States
11 Dec 06
You should always set limits, for any age child, even a teenager. You know your child best, and you should never give them more rein than they can handle. Give them their freedoms, but you also need to check up on them to make sure they are living within their limits. It isn't a trust matter, it is a life matter. They can quickly be going down the wrong road due to peer pressure. Check to see that they are where they say. If they break your trust knuckle down and restrict their freedom for a while. Then you can try again, but never blindly trust children.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
I really agree with you.."It isn't a trust matter, it is a life matter"...well said.Taking to much freedom is bad as giving too much freedom ...isn't it? if you are giving freedom and if you are child is also naughty by nature, he will definitely accept it happily.But, i think you will have to monitor his friends circle first before thinking on controlling your child...it all depends on what kind of friends circle he keeps at that time matters...isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@milott (2646)
• India
11 Dec 06
You should not be too strick on them in their teens. You should deal with this thinking in their shoes. Think what you did in your teens and how your parents behaved with you and do accordingly. If you think this way, i feel there won't be any conflicts with them or tussle with them.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
ha...ha...Thinking on what we did in our teens only brings out shivers....i was very naughty by nature.Infcat, still i am .So, thinking on controlling children who are as naughty as me is difficult.So, i have just put up this discussion to get some views here and just see how others are responding to this.If our kids are quite, then no need of worrying too much here...ha...ha... Anyway's, thanks for responding
@drumm1n (499)
• India
11 Dec 06
its not about control, its about teaching them priciples! once the understand what is right and what is wrong im sure they wont cross the line! i dont think you can do anything else without messing up you relationship!
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
It's easier said than done...don't you think so? if your child is very naughty by nature, do you think that teaching principles will be easy....! when they are naughty by nature, they won't listen to you and more over they also might be having a friends circle of the same nature which might make the things worst....you might have to keep a close look at their friends group.Friends group also make a lot of diffrence in each one's lives..isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@rikpallav (1242)
• India
11 Dec 06
I would say... The teenagers should have some freedom of their own to make some of the dicisions of their own about their live and the carrer... they need time to enjoy time with their friends. This is the most crucial part of their life and at this stage the faith of the person is decided and what he going to be in his future and therefore it is one of the most precious also... So I would also say the parents should have some control and should keep an eye up their teenaged childrens so that they do not take th wrong path and help them decide whenever you feel like they are not been able to.. you should now act like a frind more then like father or mother... it will ease the situations for both of you;
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Childrens need freedom of their own.I also agree to this point.But, sometimes it just doesn't work out and they take too much freedom and too much is too bad...isn't it? at that time, what measures you will take to control them? but, in most cases being a friend of your child will work out and i also share the same view with you....problem is it maynot work with everyone around isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@jaisalpk (224)
• India
11 Dec 06
i'm a young man , so i don't have any experience on parenting. But asa far as i know in this time a teenagers most desred thing is freedom. so be friendly with . talk to him like a friend. Be his friend and give your advises in that way......Hope i had my best view
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Hm...it can also work if your child is naughty by nature and it all depends on what kind of relationship you might share with your child.Sometimes, if they are very very naughty, they maynot hear you and go on creating troubles everywhere and you will be forced to take some harsh steps isn't it?don't you take...! or still you believe in giving them their space for freedom....! Anyway's, thanks for responding
• United States
11 Dec 06
I dread the Teenage years,,lol..I know that me and his father were both very very teens untill way in the upper 20's lol and i feel that he doesnt have a chance hehe...And it also depends on each child..its all going to depends onhow much trust i have in him at that time.,some kids need to have a strickter leash than others,,but if he gives me no reason to not trust him..I will be more laid back in my rules than if hes a wild child,..or a rebel without a CLUE! lol..
1 person likes this
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
He...you have really made some valid points here as i was also thinking some what on the same lines....it really depends on each child ....ofcourse, if they are too naughty, you also might have to be strict to keep everything right....isn't it? It all comes down to the kind of relationship you have with your child isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
12 Dec 06
My son is a 'new' teenager LOL he turned 13 in October and so far so good..we butt heads on occasion but thats to be expected....I give him his freedom to an extent but he is well aware of what I expect from him in order for him to be allowed that freedom and he knows what I'm like when i get ticked off so he's a good boy ;-)
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
H....good that you are son is good at this age and i also think,this is the age you have to keep watching him so that he won't go wrong anywhere...isn't it? don't you think, this is the age to be watched very carefully.At this age, more than him, you will have to be carefull.... Anyway's, thanks for responding
• India
12 Dec 06
TEENAGER S SHOULD BE LEFT OF THEIR OWN THEY SHOULD SEE THE WORLD AND UNDERSTAND LIFE,FROM PITFALLS ONLY THEY WILL GET KNOW ABOUT,ALSO THEY SHOULDNT BE BUGGED WITH WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO,COS OUT OF CURIOUSITY THEY ARE GONNA DO THAT ONLY.AS THE SAYING GOES "WE DONT NEED NO EDUCATION".
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Maybe there are some points in your views here.But, i think it again depends on age here.Don't you think so?If they are mature enough, then what you said might make some sense to some extent or else, i don't agree on giving them to much freedom here which might result in going wrong sometimes... Anyway's, thanks for responding
@patgalca (16668)
• Orangeville, Ontario
12 Dec 06
My teenager is 13 and so far she has proven to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. She pulls away from kids that turn the wrong way. She knows what's safe and what isn't. At this point I think I can trust her. Now, my 10 year old? She's another story. I worry about when she is a teenager.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Oh...too young she is..but, looks to be very mature..isn't it? i think you are lucky enough to have her and also should appreciate the way you have brought her up....it is not easy as we have all discussed here....isn't it? what about your 10 year old..i don't think you will have any problem here as your 13 year old will definitely help you reagrding your 10 year old...don't you think so? Anyway's thanks for responding
@naveen338 (458)
• India
12 Dec 06
teen - teens in pic
i dont know how to keep in control the teens because i am also in teenage. i think parents must not rub pressure on them they should try to be close as possible and friendley to them thats wat i can say
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
ha...ha...just copy the things in this discussion and save it somewhere, so that it might come to your help later on.As you are in teenage, don't break your head on this.Instead, enjoy life...but, behave well with your parents and don't ever give them any sort of tensions...be good to your parents and make them proud of having you..All the Best Thanks for responding
@badkat83 (1621)
• United States
12 Dec 06
I think you should check on them without them knowing. When my daughter was young, i would check on things she did, but she never knew. You need to give some freedom, but you have to draw a line, today parents think they need to be their kids friends.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
this is one thing we should definitely do and maybe if things start going wrong somewhere, you should do more of this just to see what he/she does in other times and what kind of freinds circle they have Because, half the times, it is the kind of friends circle they keep which will work their way..isn't it? so, tracking ther friends will solve half the problems sometimes...don't you think so/ Thanks for responding
• United States
12 Dec 06
I had three daughters all in their teens at the same time. What I did was set boundries, some could bend a bit others were inmovable. The teen years are the years where a child should be practicing making choices, hopefully good ones. Control should not be an issue. Respect boundries, offer options, hope they learned that all choices should be examined carefully and be informed of all possible outcomes.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Oh..Respect boundies you have set bto them is the correct word.But, if they don't respect this, they will have to be taught in a hard way isn't it? otherwise, things might just get worse later.Whatever has to be taught,is to be taught in the begining itself where it might be little easier to teach your children and as you said, once they respect your boundries, i don't think you will have any problems later... Anyway's, thanks for responding
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
i have 2 teenage boys, they were good kids, both were academic but not geeks, everything was fine until my younger son had a girlfriend, joined the varsity team and putting his academics on the bottom list of his priorities. i wish i could put a leash on him, but i can't. i try to communicate with him as often as possible, if he does something wrong or comes home late without notice, i grit my teeth, count one to ten, inhale and exhale then nicely ask "hey, where have you been kiddo?", all the while my insides are churning in anger. when he goeson basketball practice while 99% of his classmates aer studying inside the classroom, i smile, ask him to hand me a piece of pen and paper, write a permission letter to his teachers, make sure his training gear's all packed and drive him to school, drop him to the basketball court, wave goodbye and say "avoid getting injued, honey, take it easy! see you at lunch!". there are times when i would just snap and apply more force, you know, just to get him back on track and to remind him that mommy is a nice person but she won't be abused. it's tough... really tough... but i was once a teenager and my dad was never the diplomatic type. he dealt with all teenage "idiosyncracies" like a madman and the end result wasn't so good, so i am trying to do the opposite. nevertheless, there are times when you just have to put your foot down and trust our instincts, they'll tell you when it's teh right time. :)
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Ooops....you have added some more possible diffciulties here..but, i feel dealing with problems is life.Life is so spicy, as it seems to have all the answers for everything..isn't it? Upbringing your children is the most difficult part of one's life...and by reading through all these discussions- responses, one will come to see most of the possible difficulties that might come in raising a child and some of the solutions are also given and hope this will help most of the parents who are working here in mylot.... Anyway's it was really nice going through your response and thank you for responding
@Devinarun (387)
• United States
11 Dec 06
teenage is a very difficult age for the parents as well as t5he children.i llok up at my teengae and wonder why did i do all those things. at that point of time yoy just dont think.you will have to control your child a bit else things will go out of hand.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
One of the most difficlut things in the world is raising a child and leading him to grow a peacefull and meaningfull life...isn't it? and to tell you, parents have to take the responsibility of this whole thing.....isn't it? it's a difficult journey ...no doubt...you have to teach your children a lot, meanwhile keep them entertained also inbetween your busy schedule..managing everything is not at all easy....don't you think so..... Anyway's..thanks for sharing your points here
• India
11 Dec 06
well when i would become a mother i would be free with my children during their teens! i would discuss everything with them and teach them the pros and cons of life. what are the dreadful things that they might face if they do not follow certain principals. i would also take them into my confidence so that even if they commit some mistake they can come out of it with my help.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
ha...ha....imagining things is quite easy and facing thesituation is really difficlut as you will face teh facts of life at that time...don't you thyink so? i can agree to some points of yours but cannot agree to all the points as it is not that easy as you are saying it here..all kids won't listen to you most of the times and that is where the problem exists... Anyway's, nice that you have shared your views and thank you for shring it with all of us here...
@melanie652 (2525)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Have they earned the trust? If they're good kids, get good grades, then yes - loosen up on the control. If you clamp down too much, you may have a rebellion on your hands. Teens needs guidelines and **consistent** discipline. You have to allow them some space be their own person, but it's your house, your rules too. Don't be afraid to enforce the rules. You are the parent, NOT their friend. Your job as a parent is to raise them to be adults that can function in the real world. Not the easiest job to do, but the most rewarding I think.
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
Tens should be followed carefully starting from their freinds circle to how they spend their school life...isn't it? in the begining, we have to monitor each and every minute things in detail , as.... later on it will be easy to judge what went wrong and where it went wrong and once you get answer for that, you will be in a better position to handle that also...isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding
@kokopelli (4842)
• United States
11 Dec 06
yes, it's really the most challenging period for parents - teenage period. i just keep good communications with my son, i don't push things and ideas, i just tell him and explain why and why not, and then prepare myself to catch him if he falls due to disobedience :)
@alienstar (5143)
• India
12 Dec 06
How old is your son? does he listen to you all the time? how is he? if he is cool, then you are lucky i should say as you maynot be having that much difficluty in bringing him for sure..isn't it? many of the parents are finding this as the most difficlut job of their life an dsome are commenting it cool ..maybe because they have a kid who is mature enough to understand teh things around him...isn't it? Anyway's, thanks for responding