I got flowers today..(for those who are against domestic abuse)

Singapore
December 13, 2006 1:33am CST
I was once told - no matter how much you love this man, no matter how much he may love you, but if ever he lifts a hand and hits you...he's not worth it. I do not think this is easy...but I guess it is true... I got flowers today. It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said alot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today. It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today. {i got this from the email today} hope you all love this.
11 people like this
79 responses
@Jshean20 (14362)
• Canada
13 Dec 06
This is a very good post for anyone who is in an abusive relationship to read. I've never been in such a relationship but apparently they aren't alwayss easy to escape from because the victim faces such denial.
3 people like this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Thanks for being the first one to respond to this..yeah..it's very heart warming especially when you read the last part...i've been in one such relationship...and i have to admit that it's hard to get away at that time, but i'm glad i did.
2 people like this
@2bepink (126)
• United States
14 Dec 06
I was never physically abused by my ex-husband, but the signs were there and I believe I would have been hit by him if I wouldn't have gotten out when I did. It is sad that so many women feel as though they have nowhere to go and no one they can turn to in domestic violence situations.
• Singapore
22 Dec 06
2bepink : Thanks for sharing! :D
@mansha (6301)
• India
13 Dec 06
Its beautiful really its hard for us to fight when we re in an abusive relationship. I feel like doing something for these battered women.I have never been in this kind of situation and I have always been determined as hell since my teens that if ever my hubby laid a hand on me I will leave him the very same moment-money or no money.Come onwe are all educated women we may find a job as waitress enough to feed our kids may be not enough for sending them to school but it will still be worth it.At least they will have a mother not a beateb bruised soul to look after them. I think we all should unite and start a movement or something about making aware women all over to say no to such relationships.What do you say all women of my lot will you join in.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Thanks for your sharing! i will be the first to join...seeing that i was once in an abusive relationship too...and was not strong enough to walk out of it.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec 06
I see what you are saying there but believe me it is not that easy it really isn't there is a lot more involved most the time
2 people like this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
i understand..and this poem is so true...when it says that the woman cant leave the man as she doesnt know where to go, who to turn to...i was stuck in that relationship for 4 long horrible years...
2 people like this
@Script (592)
• Australia
13 Dec 06
This is an amazing post, and after realising it wan't about you (thank goodness) I reflected on what it had to say. Unfortunately so many women get caught up in the cycle of domestic abuse. Many women accept appologies or flowers, hoping and believing that things will get better. And then it happens again... and again, and again. No matter how much you want a situation to change, it can't. There are two parties involved, and for change both parties have to want that change. As hard as leaving might be, it is the only solution. It may or may not instigate change but protecting yourself and your kids, if you have any, is a responsible and loving thing to do for yourself. Through difficult times we all learn, grow and become stronger. Sometimes it's nice to be reminded of that through posts like this.
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Yes! What an amazing explaination! Thanks for your sharing!
2 people like this
• India
14 Dec 06
Thanks for sharing such a post with all of us. Thank you very much.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Dec 06
I think that it is sometimes dangerous to tell women of domestic abuse to leave. If you expect a woman to just leave you may be putting them in more danger then they are already in. What I'm trying to say is that without a plan leaving can be the ticket to the morgue. Women in this situation need to have a plan, a safe place to go, a safe time to go, a safe person to confide in. So many times women without plans have been killed because they had no place to go, no one to confide in and left in the midst of an argument.
@dellion (6706)
• Malaysia
13 Dec 06
Its a touching one......what can I say about this? The power of love!!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
or love is blind?!!?? Hehe..dont worry..i know you are not that type of men. Thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@dellion (6706)
• Malaysia
13 Dec 06
Yeah think both were right...thansk for understanding:)
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec 06
This is so true I have to admit that and it should not be happening My Ex hit me a few times and always said sorry then it stopped and I just went through a lot of Verbal abuse But if the hitting would not have stopped I would have been gone So please anyone out there who is going through it do not let it get to this what Euniceeleanor has just posted This is a great Post to put in and you might be helping a lot of People with this
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
oh! i'm sorry to hear about what your ex have done to you...that was terrible, i believe..i'm glad that you chose to walk out of that relationship! I really hope that more people will see this and wake up! Thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec 06
Yes I hope so to
@pinkypop (664)
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
Yeah, I have receieved and read this kind of email several times. And it is so touching. I pity the wife in the story and her kids too, for they have found a MONSTER-husband in disguise. You know what, wives that to have this kind of husband and situation shouldn't be afraid of counsulting legal opinions and leaving her husband...for her and kids life are in danger in his hands. If and everthis happends to me, I will definitely leave my oh-so-good husband, then I will put him in blottered and sue him of damages and everything and lastly, i will file a demand and an annulment. No matter what, I will never - ever return back to him .... not even if he begs me to ... no way man. I love myself and kids more than you. So go to hell!!!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
LOL you are a very strong woman!! Thanks for your sharing!! i hope you can be role model to many
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
a sad story... i got to give a warning for all girls out there, if you got a partner who beat you every frequently.. leave him asap, he is not worth your love..
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
That's a good advise! Thanks for your response!
2 people like this
@jade17901 (597)
• United States
13 Dec 06
Thank you for this post! It is such a sad story but abuse is something that shouldnt be forgotten
1 person likes this
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Thanks for your response..hope you could do a part by helping to send this to more women....thanks!
2 people like this
@Krisss (1231)
• Australia
13 Dec 06
Oh my Lord, I thought I was going to have to return to Penang much earlier than I had planned, until I got to the last few lines and realised it was an email forward. I am going to keep this to pass on to any woman who is in an abusive relationship.
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
hope i didnt scared you there. Thanks for your response! hope you could really forward this to those women who are in abusive relationship..thanks for your help!
2 people like this
@casper20 (1465)
• India
13 Dec 06
this is an eye opener to alot of women .i am not in one but i personally know alot of women who is still going through domestic violences.there are laws againt this kind of behaviour but still men get the courage to do this and the women still endures this in the name of love.when would they finally understand that it is not love ,its control .the men are trying to control them one way or the other.i come from a country where a huband and his family can just burn the bride for dowry.and domestic abuse is still not a big deal for them,because even if they do any of it the woman don't say a word outside of the family until the matter is unrepairable.and the biggest sin of a woman would be talking this outside the family.this is great topic becoz i think that it is a really big issue in the society.
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
oh? burn the bride for dowry? that's terrible! Thanks for sharing! i appreciate it!
2 people like this
@karinna (234)
• United States
14 Dec 06
wonderfull post. i myself am dealing with the aftermath of abuse. i was with my x husband for 10 years, i have been stabbed, had a shotgun held to my face many times and i am this day disfigured from my x husband kicking me with steel toe boots. i dont want to drag my story on but i seen posts where ppl say they want to help women of abuse, my advice as being a victume is the best way to help someone is to be there, have your shoulder ready for tears, have your hand ready to be held and have your heart open because thats what an abused woman needs the most. ofcourse she needs to get out and get help but first she needs someone to understand her, i stayed until i tried to take my own life, until i was sitting in my kitchen with cut wrists, i wanted to get out but was afraid, confused, helpless. most woman know there are resources out there but are ashamed, they feel like failures, i know i did. there is a diferance when this is going on inside the home because a woman can hide from the outside where as if ppl know that well its shame. i worked at a factory and around alot of ppl and i know alot of ppl knew what was going on but were also afraid to do anything and thats not there falt but if you see it or even think it please try to help. i unfiurtantly didnt have anyone, my family were not around and his family well they knew but this was something he also seen his father do. i know how it feels to sleep out in the cold just like so many other woman out there, its terrifying and lonley. i have been away from my x for years now but im still not free, i deal with alot on a daily basis and with ppl i can get through my days. i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post and all the post because its shows ppl care and i thank you even though its not my post just know your kindnes is apreciated. God bless
@moneymind (10520)
• Philippines
14 Dec 06
my.... sorry to hear such trouble, what about consulting some therapist for help about your current situation, i do not really know if it can help but its worth trying you know... i just hope you are coping very good this days. greetings. : )
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
yes karinna, i'm so glad that you share this with us! you've gone through hell and back...how are you feeling now? but then, you are a very strong woman to be able to go through all that and yet lived to tell the story. pls do take care of yourself and you have a lot of people that love and care for you here...i will be the first one, ok? Take Care always! Love yourself and all the best!
• Singapore
15 Dec 06
Thanks for sharing yet again! i'm so glad that you found someone there to shower you with love. and it's only time that can heal everything...dont go too fast, take it one step at a time, you are a strong woman...God will be there to guide you! Thanks for sharing this!
• United States
14 Dec 06
My first marriage ended the night after my head was repeatedly bashed into a wall as my ex made his point. The sad part is, up until that point I had been miserable for months due to MENTAL and EMOTIONAL abuse that no one could help me with. Due to the other abuse issues, I almost thought the physical was my own fault. Today I am proud to say that even though i was unemployed and in the negative bank accounts at the time (and told I could never work again), I threw him out and 7 years later, am now married to a guy who treats me properly and loves me the way I need.
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
The early part was so so so true 'he sad part is, up until that point I had been miserable for months due to MENTAL and EMOTIONAL abuse that no one could help me with. Due to the other abuse issues, I almost thought the physical was my own fault.' i went through the same thing as well..thinking that it was my fault!!! and you are right, it applies for men too...nowadays you can see that women do abuse their husbands too...so i guess this will be for the men as well! what is this world coming to???? Thanks for your sharing!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
15 Dec 06
LOL i know what you mean...but im glad that you are happy now! Take Care!
• United States
13 Dec 06
Abuse escalates. First it is the harsh words, some controlling, isolating...each time the abuser is sorry, feels so guilty, flowers, apologies, gifts, being overly attentive...then the 'guilt' is gone and it begins again. First time the abuser hits, maybe an open hand, maybe 'just' a shove...again the 'guilt' the promises, then it happens again. The abuser swears the anger will be controlled...swears the kids will never suffer...the abuser lies...to the abused and sometimes to themselves. How will I leave? Where will I live? How will I support myself and my chidlren? How will you die? Your soul? Your light? Your body? Strength comes when you ask for help. Not only your own but the strength of others who allow you to lean on them until your legs can begin to carry you. Shelters, provide a safe harbor while one heals and learns to rediscover life and independence. My abuser is sorry...always so sorry.
• United States
14 Dec 06
A P.S. Sometimes the abuser isn't the only one dishing out the abuse...sometimes you abuse yourself by accepting and staying. By being unable to over come one fear of life without what has become familiar.
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
Thanks for sharing...i like this part 'Strength comes when you ask for help. Not only your own but the strength of others who allow you to lean on them until your legs can begin to carry you'...it's so so true!
@sunrisekn (1467)
• United States
13 Dec 06
I was in a physical,verbal,emotional abusive relationship for 7 years, but I called it love. He did everything he could to break my spirit. I still called it love. He loved me and I just knew that he would change. Do you want to know why I left? Not because he beat me so bad, not because he said he was sorry for the millionth time and promised he's never do it again, not because he went to get a loan to pay the rent because he drank all our rent money away, I accidentally put his arm through our back glass door when he and I were fighting for my car keys. I saw HIS blood running down his arm and I knew, I had finally sank as low as him. I hurt him like he had hurt me all those years, so that night while he was out drinking. I packed my stuff and left. I never looked back. I didn't tell you this so you feel sorry for me, I told you this because I am proud of me. That was 12 years ago and going through that has made me the woman I am today. There is hope for some of us who think that we can change him if we only love him enough. One day we'll realize that it;s not us with the problem it's them. AWESOME post...thank you for the reminder that no one has the right to put their hands on someone else....for any reason!
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Thank you so much for sharing this with us! and i'm sure it must have been a living hell for you for the past 7 years..but im glad that you escaped..Wishing you all the best and do take care of yourself! love yourself and yes, nobody has the right to put their hands on someone else!!
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
Thanks working4theweekend, sometimes we tend to let anger overcome us and do/say things that we will regret later on. Thanks for sharing again!
@wildguy2 (1349)
• Canada
13 Dec 06
I don't know what kind of man if you could call him that would want to beat on a women...I never usually use the word hate in the same sentence with person, but I hate a women beater...it is the most cowardly act you could ever see...I have been in relationships where my girl friend cheated on me, verbally abused me, even slapped me, but NEVER once did she ever have to wory about me raising my hand to her...I would get angry and just leave...end of story...she did a lot of the abuse to me I think in hopes that I would hit her, almost like she was trying to get me to that point.... I am generally not an aggressive person, but I have seen myself kick the crap out of a guy one night, and he deserved every last punch, I was at a night club and I seen this guys just DRIVE off and hit his G/F with a closed first, and I know he broke her nose...well needless to say I broke his...sad part was 2 weeks later I seen him and her at the bar again together...I approached her and asked her why would you do this to yourself...her response..."he loves me" I told her "dear his love is going to kill you someday" and walked away...I couldn't sleep for days after that, it really disturbed me that a person could put themselves through that.
• Singapore
13 Dec 06
Thank you for sharing this!! and from your sharing, it shows that there's nothing much an outsider could do to help the women in situation like that...you punched him and probably broke his nose...but see what happened? they are still together!! but i will have to say that you've been a wonderful man to be able to protect someone that you dont know! Bravo! and your wife is a lucky woman! :D
• United States
14 Dec 06
Wildguy: I agree with what you say about how some women will egg their boyfriend on and try to get him to hit her. I have been guilty of this only once or twice, and I think it is what caused the abusive problem in my relationship that I have now, that my fiance thinks its okay (well not okay but not wrong either) to hit me if I "run my mouth" - when we first started dating about 6 years ago, it was like a fight to hurt each other the worst and I said some really horrible things about him and he slapped me but I was asking for it to see if he would. Women need to realize that you can't keep screaming at your man, or cheating on him and not expect to get a little smack or two, it probably will happen, whether you asked for it and it's right or not. Best thing to do is walk away. Come back in a few hours when you bf is hopefully asleep (trust me if you spend the night in a hotel the fight will just start again the next day 'cuz he thinks you cheated on him)
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
working4theweekend: Thanks for the sharing so that we can try to avoid this...Thanks
@vinod4net (628)
• India
13 Dec 06
well you see in rage even the most sweetest person seems cruel, so if he has sent flowers that means he is accepting that he was wrong last night and feels sorry to you, now its your turn to talk to him and make him feel that he is good, loving and caring and you still feel he is the one you like most
• United States
14 Dec 06
I can't really agree with this one. I think that my fiance who is a good man and has emotional issues needs support but some guys don't buy flowers b/c they are really sorry they do it so the woman won't leave him.
• Singapore
14 Dec 06
vinod4net : try reading the story again and understand the meaning...working4theweekend: thanks yet again for your nice sharing!
@Aeval39 (774)
• United States
27 Dec 06
Oh wow that was powerful. At first I thought you were writing it, and I got worried! Thank you for sharing this email, it really sends its message. I always worry when people go out with or marry people because "I believe he can change!" You shouldn't be going out with someone because you want them to change, you should be going out with them because you love them the way they are and they're good to you, and you love all their little imperfections. Nobody should be abused and keep the relationship going. You only need to watch a couple of episodes of CSI to know that never ends well.
• Singapore
27 Dec 06
That's very well said! Thanks for your response and i'm glad that you like it! Take care!:D
@dana234 (2116)
• Spain
26 Dec 06
Once a man hits his wife or girlfriend it´s like breaking a barrier which can never be rebuild. My best friend was beaten up whilst she had her baby boy in her arms. She called the police, they locked him up for one night and the next day he was out again. Luckily she was strong enough to change the locks off all the doors and never let him in again. He´s still got the right to see his son, but only accompanied by a social worker. These kind of men can beg forgiveness again and again, they will always do it again. They don´t love their wives, they love the power they have over them, and deep down they are all a bunch of cowards!
• Singapore
27 Dec 06
Thanks for your sharing! and i'm glad that your best friend was strong enough to run away from the abusive relationship...do send my best regards to her. Thanks! :D
@scooter1024 (1243)
• United States
26 Dec 06
There are so many people that actually go thru this out there. It is so sad it has to come to this. I hope if anyone is ready this that may be going thru it that they will get the strength to leave before its to late.
• Singapore
26 Dec 06
yes, Thanks for your response!
@asfi123 (955)
• India
26 Dec 06
that was really nice and touching story a very good lesson for all the women who are suffering from domestic abuse
• Singapore
26 Dec 06
Glad that you like it! Thanks for your response!