DEAD-BEAT DADS: LISTEN UP!!
By chunkers
@chunkers (1050)
United States
December 14, 2006 10:43am CST
I am SO TIRED of hearing the phrase "Dead-beat Dads"! Just because a father cannot afford to work a 60 hour week, pay his own bills, and still support the MOTHER of his children, does not make him a DEAD BEAT!
There are some cases where the DAD is ostrecized from his children against his will! The mother has decided that she has no use for him any longer, but has a use for his money. Many of these DEAD-BEAT mothers are spending the money on alcolho or drugs, NOT ON THE CHILDREN!!
Furhermore, these DEAD BEAT MOMS are often shacking up with another man, and do not NEED support...she just WANTS it because it is convenient for her to get free money while her children's father is working his a$$ off to pay all his bills!
I say, if you are the one who instigated the break-up, pay your own damn way! If it is the woman, too bad. Get a job!
The MAN is often who suffers the most in child support matters. He can be thrown in jail, lose his job, his home, his vehicle, his EVERYTHING! While the mother sits around whining about not getting her fair share of what the father earns.
Not all non-paying dads are dead-beats. I think there should be a bill presented to congress to illegalize the term "Dead-Beat Dads". It is demeaning, sexist, and discriminatory towards men!
If you are a woman planning to leave her children's father, you'd better get a JOB first and plan on paying your share! Don't sit around the house watching soap operas, eating bonbons, and waiting for the mailman to deliver your child support payments! Plan ahead. Especially if you are leaving him for no good reason, other than the fact that you "want someone new"!
21 people like this
59 responses
@srhelmer (7029)
• Beaver Dam, Wisconsin
14 Dec 06
If you fathered a child, they are still your responsibility. And, hating the mother is no excuse for not helping to make sure they get everything they need.
If you're sending money and you think the mother isn't spending it on them. Demand receipts and, if she refuses, take her to court to force her to provide receipts. It works both ways.
5 people like this
@sweetcakes (3504)
• United States
14 Dec 06
yes i agree with you
just because they don't get along with the mother
they should not make the children suffer
3 people like this
@richelle19_80 (133)
• United States
14 Dec 06
BRAVO. Well said. Whether she is with another man has no bearing on whether you pay support. Do you really want another man taking care of your child?
@crystal8577 (1466)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Just because the mother moves on does not make the dad/father not responsible for taking care of the child. Most people are not going to get enough in childsupport that they can afford not to work. There are just as many fathers who decide that they do not want to be a part of their childs life. They will make all sort of empty promises & then expect the mom to pick up the pieces. That is not fair either.
@medooley (1873)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I totally agree with you! Anyone who says that if the mother moves on and gets married, then the father shouldn't have to pay child support anymore is foolish. They are your children, and they always be, you should support them no matter what.
3 people like this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
14 Dec 06
That is so funny! And there's actually some, and even a lot of truth to it! The real losers is the kids! Whether mom got bored, or dad... I figure it's likely 50% as to who screwed up.. or sometimes it's a series of screw ups on both sides! Seems like a lot of this life is a parody. An example of what can go wrong, a sort of, in all ways it can go wrong, it will go wrong.
@beautyoperater (1890)
• United States
14 Dec 06
It's the father's responsibilty to help take care of his children. If my ex would have paid more my kids wouldn't be struggling right now. I save up all the support for his children to go to college. It didn't amount to much.
I used his money to help dress, feed, and keep a roof over their heads.
I had a job but it still wasn't enough. I feel if the father can't help out then he has no rights at all and should sign off on them if he doesn't want to pay. That means no seeing the kids either.
@sweetcakes (3504)
• United States
15 Dec 06
i use to feel this way , but i wasn't hurting anyone but my children. i'm not telling you what to do but think about the children.
@embattledsparkle (1072)
• United States
26 Jan 07
Just as you feel strongly that all dads aren't deadbeat dads, most moms are NOT "deadbeat mom's" who sit around eating bon bons all day. Who suffers the most is the CHILDREN who have to hear their parents bickering or realizing that their Mom and Dad have bad feelings between them.
1 person likes this
@BrendaA (365)
• United States
15 Dec 06
Nobody has said all are deadbeat dads. I have a question for you. Do you know how many women are out there right now taking care of everything with no help. Do you know how many grandparents take care of grandchildren. Where are the dads. It took two people to make these children.
@scorpius (1792)
• India
15 Dec 06
i do agree with you partly.i do believe that both the parents are equally responsible for the childrens upkeep.therefore both the parents should contribute to the childs upkeep.if you do not mind my asking have you experienced any of what you had written above?
@gknott (936)
• United States
15 Dec 06
I hear you, but I am here to say. I have always worked and never taken from anyone. My first husband left me when our boy was 2... I got 25.00 a week for 16 years and I payed everthing else...Insurance included.. he left me also and also abused me. My 2nd husband I left because I was not happy so I took nothing but the things I brought with me. We have 2 children together be paid me 300 a month..the lawyer said I could get 600, but I didn't try. I paid all the health insurance and dental till my 16 year old daughter got braces. He is paying for those, but took $50 dollars away from support. The other child with him graduated at 19..because he failed senior year... he quit paying for him when he turned 18, I don't think that was right, I am still paying. I remarried 12 years ago and had 2 more boys, their father left 3 years ago and does't work, lives off other woman, so I am sorry but I do beleive a lot of men are wrong. I believe life is what it is and you make your own bed. I made bad choices in 2 men in my life. HOw long am I supposed to suffer when I have always tried to do the right thing by them. I don't understand how they get away with this. I know a guy his wife kicked him out and she won't work, even though he put her through college and she got a degree in socail services. He has to pay her more money than I get for my 2 boys. I get $100 week and I pay everything. ... This man and woman didn't have no kids and he has to give her 1/2 of his 401k and everything he owns....Life is not fair.
1 person likes this
@bonnitabelle (143)
• Canada
15 Dec 06
If a relationship doesn't work out and children are a product of that relationship, both parents should be responsible for the upbringing of those children.
It doesn't matter who leaves who or the reasons behind it. Who is at fault is not the concern here, it is the innocent children who asked for nothing and still have needs that need to be taken care of that matter.
1 person likes this
@lilaidi (155)
• United States
16 Dec 06
All I can say is that my son's father never gave anything for him once we split. As a matter of fact, I had to do all the working when we were together. I was the one with a job and busting my butt off!
It's been nearly five years ago and he hasn't done anything for our son, except this summer he bought our son some converse and an outfit to wear with him for the day. And about 3 years ago he bought our son, school uniforms. That's it! That's all he has done. I have a court order for child support on him & he will not get a job!!! So there is nothing that is received on his behalf.
I am not bitter though, I am better and educated and I know my son will be better because he has positive influences and role models in his life.
1 person likes this
@yogesh66 (1117)
• India
4 Feb 07
do what the judge did in my dad and my moms divorce case....Declared that since my dad could not get and honest paying job, like to raise a fist to women and children and got his kicks off abusing children that she ruled he lost his right to ever have children again....to bad he lost that bet at a bar 4 prior and already had the surgery.. it would have been funnier to see a judge force him to have the surgery!! As you might see I do particularly like my dad but that his fault.
happy mylot day.
1 person likes this
@cempires (171)
• United States
16 Jan 07
With people like a "man" who calls himself Romeo or DrWhoopie fighting for mens right in this arena you speak of, you have a bad rep already. One of the leaders of this Fathers Rights movement that started several years back, is a huge phony, who spends his time on the internet in chat rooms and in "friend" sites looking for women as he travels the US under the guise of fighting for fathers. There is a good reason why his wife took the kids and ran, this guy is abusive, and downright nuts, and should never be allowed to have his kids.
I am not saying all men are like that, I helped with the fathers rights movement many years ago, with the rally in DC, but during the course of that time, I unfortunately got to know the so called leaders of this movement all to well, and several at the top were corrupt and insane, and made me fear for my own safety, let alone a childs.
Needless to say, I no longer associate myself with that movement, but if legit fathers are going to get anywhere with this kind of thing, they need to make sure thier "leaders" are not the corrupt and twisted people that these people I knew are.
1 person likes this
@sweetcakes (3504)
• United States
14 Dec 06
i married the father of my children and child support still harrassing him for money and he takes care of his children.
1 person likes this
@vipul20044 (5794)
• India
14 Dec 06
depending on the woman any dad can be considered a deadbeat dad, you can have a man that pays out the *** in child support and sees his kid as often as he can but the ex hates him and will still say he doesnt do enough and is a deadbeat dad to make him look bad or make the child think less of the father, I think its the time they spend with the child that means the most but money hungry women with a vengence only care about the money end of it so in society i guess its the money that makes or un makes a deadbeat dad. Priorities are all screwed up these days!
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25529)
• United States
15 Dec 06
You had them take care of them, You should of thought of the consequence when you were getting the goods Baby!
Now if that doens't apply to you I am speaking up for the rest of you men, and Women! own up to your responsibilty they didn't ask to be here!
1 person likes this
@clownfish (3272)
• United States
14 Dec 06
Hi! I can understand your frustration, but where in your argument is your concern for your children? You mention supporting the mother, you know very well child support isn't for the mother, it's for the kids. I ask you, do you love your children? Why does that not come through in your post? And I'm sorry, but more often than not, the dads hide or make other excuses as to why they cannot pay child support. That doesn't make the system fair, some dads are ordered to pay $30 a month while some are ordered to pay hundreds or thousands per month. I blame the system as much as the absent parents who don't pay child support as ordered. Sorry, but I'm afraid you're on the losing end of this argument.
